Behind the Sirens with Yasmina

Navigating First Responder Life and Postpartum Challenges with Yasmina

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter,' host Kristi Hilmer chats with Yasmina, a fellow firewife married to the creator of the Williams Key. The conversation covers their personal stories, from meeting in high school to balancing family life with their husbands' demanding firefighter schedules. Yasmina shares her experience with postpartum challenges, the importance of community amongst firewives, and offers practical advice for managing the unique aspects of living with a first responder. The episode also touches on the significance of mental health, the power of faith, and maintaining personal identity while supporting their spouses.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

01:00 Meet Yasmina: The Firewife with a Celebrity Husband

01:58 A Decade of Love and Two Little Ones

03:38 Navigating the Fire Service Together

05:20 Supporting Each Other Through Bootcamp

07:20 The Importance of Communication and Debriefing

10:39 The Wild World of Hollywood Firefighting

14:15 The Power of Community Among Firewives

17:50 The Power of Social Media Connections

18:04 Struggles with Postpartum and Fire Life

21:40 Finding Support and Overcoming Challenges

24:12 Balancing Family and Firefighter Life

26:47 Funniest Pranks and Firehouse Stories

30:39 Rapid Fire Questions and Best Advice

33:56 Conclusion and Where to Connect

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that change you? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun.

Audio Only - All Participants: 0:59

Welcome today. I'm so excited that we get to chat with Yasmina, who is a fellow firewife. And I just found out that apparently she's married to a celebrity.

1:09

Which I had no idea but when we were chatting she Was like, yeah, my husband's the guy that came up with the williams key and I had no idea what that meant Or that was a big deal And I told my husband later I got to talk to the lady Who's married to the guy who created this tool. He's no way I use that tool. In fact, we just had something happen the other day. And I if we had this key, it would open this door. No problem. So such a small world, but I am thrilled to be here. to be chatting with you and let's just hear your story. Why don't you start with just telling us a little bit about what your family looks like, a little bit about you what you do, and then we'll get into some questions.

Audio Only - All Participants: 1:57

Sure. So my husband and I have been together. We were friends in high school and we didn't date, we were just friends. And we actually got together after I graduated college and we've been together ever since. So it's been about 10 years now. Which is pretty crazy to think about. I know. It goes so fast. So fast. And we've been married since 2018. So five or six years now. Yeah. Something like that. Six years. And we have two babies. I have a two year old daughter and a one year old daughter. So very close together. Yes. Yeah. I had two girls and they were back to back a couple, a little less than a couple years apart. Then we had a third baby. But yeah, it's intense when you're in it now. I'm grateful, but it's intense. Oh yeah. Some days I'm like, Oh my gosh, I just need to come up for air for a little bit. And girls are different. I feel like boys are physically exhausting. And girls are mentally exhausting when they're little and as teenagers. It just continues. Yeah, it's just different at each lovely stage, but that's so awesome with your story because that was our story. Like we knew each other in high school, never dated, just his circle overlapped with my circle. And then he went away. I went to college, but we ended up actually getting married in the middle of college. Because his dad had cancer, and so we wanted to get married before he passed away, which we did. But yes, so that's fun. I don't meet a lot of people. You're either high school sweethearts or after, so what a small world. Yeah. So what's cool with that too is it must be the same for you. With my husband, I was together with him as he went through the tower. So I got to be part of bootcamp with him, see the whole transition from bootcamp to being a boot or probationary firefighter. And then now to where he's at, which has been so cool. It is. I'm so grateful that we got to do it all together. I think it helps shape. Your perspective of the fire service, and I felt more invested because he did it later in life. He was a paramedic. So he went and did music for a little bit and then he came back and was a CNA and then he did paramedic and did that for a long time. And then we lost our house in a wildfire in 2018. And that's when he then went into actual fire. So he was not a young man when he did that. And it was intense. It was an intense thing, but it was a whole family. We had three kids, like they had their stuff they had to do. So absolutely. I think it makes it feel like a family. Job is maybe not the right word calling or purpose, like we get to understand it together. Yeah, I like that too. It definitely I could see how hard he was working and being able stages together, which is really special. And a I meet aren't haven't, hav do that with their firefi Because it's just, it's a different, it's hard. And so being able to like, go through that in the same, not maybe physical way, but maybe mentally exhausting, being able to relate with him that way and encourage him throughout the process and be there for them has been really cool. What, cause I'm sure we're going to have people listening that are going through probation. So what did you find was helpful during that time? Cause that was actually probably before kids. It was definitely, I would definitely say it was a lot easier before kids, because I didn't have any tiny humans to wrangle Yeah. Just one, one big one That definitely, I think it gave me a little more freedom to still be able to do what I wanted and focus there and also support him in that way. But one thing I did while he was. In bootcamp was, I remember going to the family day while they're like getting everybody ready to start bootcamp, they were telling the guys like, leave a notebook by the side of your bed so you can write down, stuff that you've learned or you don't want to forget. And that made a lot of sense to me, but I'm like, they're going to be so exhausted at the end of the day that they're just going to want to shower, eat and sleep so they can get up and do it all again. And what I did is, my husband and four or five other people all went in on an apartment for the six months of probation or boot camp, excuse me. And I made a point to go down every single night. I would bring food, I would help with laundry. I would iron their stuff if they needed some help ironing, things like that. And I would time them for some of their drills that they would need to do for like knots and things. So that way everybody was able to do it and not have to rotate. Which I found that to be helpful and Before I would leave every night, I would have Trevor go through his whole day. Tell me about your day. What did you learn? What did you do? And then I would go home and I would write everything down that I remembered. He told me, and at the end of bootcamp, I presented him with this notebook and I was like, here you go. This is everything you told me and things that were going on in my life as well, that I didn't want to bug you with. And now you can read it when you want. That's awesome. How did he like that gift? He loved it. It was really cool and really special. And so now I think that's helped with When he comes home from work, I ask him about his shift. I ask him, every time I'm like, was it good? Was it bad? You can tell me things. I'm not going to freak out. Like you need to be able to talk about it, which I think is so huge for the fire community. Like being able to be the sounding board for them. They need to be able to talk about it, not have to worry if you're going to freak out, absolutely. And process the feelings like we had to learn that kind of the hard way where, and then we just ended up dubbing it couch time, which I mean, we could come up with a very cooler name than that, but it's the name we use. And he was really struggling with kind of just the demon side of the job and things he had seen. And because as a medic, I think you just see. Maybe a few more things than just fire. And if you combine them, then you for sure do. And so just a lot more like short tempered and less patience. And the kids were really young and I was exhausted. He's exhausted. Like he was at the busiest station, so we came up with that debriefing time almost of the first 15 minutes he would come home from a shift, the kids would get to watch their iPad or computer or watch TV, like things that we didn't do all the time. So that we could just have that connection time and he could talk about the calls. He could process, you know what he saw what he felt and then I could still talk about what I had seen because I think sometimes we tell ourselves what we experience at home isn't as significant. Because it may not be life or death and it, then that's how you can have parallel lives that aren't together. And so we have done that ever since. And now with teenagers and we've only got one official teenager, the other one's almost there. So I just feel like they're teenagers because it's two girls and it's hormonal in this house. It gets a little trickier, but yes, it's so important. So that's amazing that you guys. I started that so early. So I definitely think that's something that you're not already doing it to, and I think it makes them more open to hearing about your day because they're always carrying around this heaviness of whatever they've seen or worked on. And then when you talk to them, they're like you don't know what I've been through today. Walk through the door. Here's the kids. I'm going to go. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's definitely hard to find the balance and figure that out, but it helps when you're both receptive to talking. Absolutely. Sometimes I even think back because somebody asked me once, I'm like how did you get him to start talking? Cause if it's a more reserved human, then that'd be harder. And I would just start asking him about the crew, because they tell you all the shenanigans of the crew desk. Awesome. Yeah. And then you it starts to lead them. And really, as I'm talking about this, it just prepares us for teenagers. So you're going to be great. And then to not react, what is something that has maybe surprised you about being in this industry? How crazy people are. Like you helped who do what? Yes. So it's wild. I'm like, how do people get themselves in these situations? So with Trevor, he works in Hollywood. So he specifically West Hollywood. So it's wild down there. So some of the things go on. I'm not familiar with what parts of Hollywood are, what is West Hollywood, like the famous Hollywood, or is that the regular people, Hollywood? So it's we're a lot of really famous. Bars and clubs are like Pump, which is Vanderpump Vanderpump rules the Abbey yeah, it's definitely one where you're, if you're looking to have a good time, we're probably going to stop by West Hollywood. But it's all super close, like West Hollywood, North Hollywood, all the really nice restaurants in Beverly Hills, all of that. It's like very close by. Okay. Yeah. I bet that's very interesting. And then do they do, is that a department where they have fire and Medic or are they completely separate? Because we used to live in California, but Northern and they were separate entities. So for LA County, at least they do both. So it's fire and medical. So most of the calls that are going on are medical. So they do both fire and medical. So most of their calls are medical which I thought was really interesting. Cause you know, when you think of firefighter, you're just like, Oh, they're fighting fires all day. And when they're not fighting fires, they're playing video games, right? Yeah, no, it's the medical a hundred percent, like heavy medical for sure. And then how is that? With California is he, do you guys deal a lot with strike teams then? We called it strike teams. I don't know what is striking. Okay. Yes. So his station has a strike team. And I couldn't tell you how many there are in the county. It's because I don't think every station you have to have a certain amount of things at the station for the strike team. So I don't believe it, but I know his station is, so they do go on. There was a really big Northern California fire and they were just at that, and how do those work? Is that where he's gone for two, three weeks or does his station do something different where they rotate it different days? So I think with his, he could be gone for, I think it's 30 days and then you take a day off and then you go right back at it. I do think sometimes they're able to work it with, cause at his station specifically there's a ton of guys. So his is more of a traditional firehouse where there's three stories. So they still have the fire pole that they can go down. Oh dear. It's really cool. It's very interesting. And so they still have the fire pole and then there's 13 guys each shift. So there's 36 people that you can rotate through if like you need to leave or something. So that's actually an interesting point, because when we got married in 2018, there were those huge wildfires. That's the one that we lost our house in. He was at, it was the campfire. Yeah. At that one. No, but he kept getting recalled to go. And, so everybody at his station were like stepping up to take his place. And the running joke was like, Oh, I'll stand in for you at your wedding. You can go. You have two hours off. You can get married and go right back. Yeah. So that, but that was really cool because there were so many people at that station. A lot of people stepped up so that he could actually Be there for our wedding day, which is fantastic. Yeah. They had so many different departments from all over the United States that came to that one. That one was a beast for sure. Yeah, what have you found, especially with two little girls that has helped with those longer deployments? Have you found any? Tips or tricks that can help other people. Honestly, the community aspect of the firewives. So having getting connected with the firewives, either at your station or in the surrounding areas. Because they understand the fire schedule more than. Someone who's not in the fire service and, I have really good best friends outside of the fire service that still get it because, I talk to them all the time, but there is still that like connection that you get with other firewives to be able to be like, Oh man, like today's been rough, he's been gone for, 72 hours. I just need a break or complain about something or, have someone help you re reframe your mindset. Cause I, I do feel like, I struggle. We just got off three days where he's been gone in today's his first day back. And yesterday I was just like, you need to come home. I am so burnt out. Yes. It's just the mindset is huge, but also having little babies is, a whole new wild card that we're still learning and figuring out how to deal with as well. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Community is just so huge. I'll probably talk about it on every episode. Yes. Cause it's so important. Yes. And it's that thing where I always heard through my life, find your tribe or find your people. And it's I actually think go create it. Like you don't have to wait. Like finding is It's not a passive word, but it just feels more passive than create. Like we have more control and it may feel awkward as an adult to be like, Hey, want to be friends? Or Oh, look, your husband's a firefighter too. Or we have kids the same age at the park. But the more I talk to people, the more I find. They're so grateful because they want to make the connection too, but we're awkward as adults. It's I don't know what it is as kids. It's so much easier. Yeah, but it's going and finding that community because it makes such a difference. It really does. And that's one of, been one of the really cool things about like Instagram and Facebook and having the really awesome, firewife community groups, or just finding a profile on Instagram and being like, Oh my gosh, they say they're a firewife in their bio. Like I'm going to follow her because, we can connect. It doesn't even have to be the same department, be on the other side of the country or the other side of the world. You're still going to find those connections and being able to, relate. Absolutely. It's hard to pinpoint why it makes such a big difference, but it does. And actually there's another really interesting story. I randomly followed a girl on Instagram and we started messaging. I was just like, Oh my gosh, her page is so cute. Like her profile picture is adorable. We start talking and I noticed in one of her stories that she had a little fire engine. And Wow. Your husband's a firefighter too. That's so cool. And we started talking and she's Oh yeah, my husband works for LA County. And I'm like, no way. So does mine. And we continue talking like, where's he at? Cause there's it's LA County's huge, Yeah, there's a thousand stations or something like that. Not really. I have that wrong. So we're talking and she's oh yeah, he's in West Hollywood. I'm like, get out. So is my husband. I'm like, where is he at? I'm like, mine's at eight. And she's so is mine. I'm like, no way. The same station? Yes. How? That's crazy. But because there's so many guys there that it, sometimes. The guys rotate out before I get to even meet them. So it was just really cool. So now we're like besties Facebook. Like we talk all the time. But the power of Instagram is just so cool that way. I was like, wow, how did that even happen? Such a small world. That's crazy. Then you can be like, we're real life friends and Instagram friends. Let's transition to maybe what is something that you have struggled with? Because we've talked about surprises and we've talked about, the transition from all the different phases in kind of fire service, but what is something that you've struggled with? I think the biggest thing I've struggled with has been Like postpartum with fire life. And with my second baby, I had a really traumatic like birthing process. I almost died. We did a scheduled C section and I, they put me all back together and I was bleeding internally. And so then I needed to have another C section and then an abdominal surgery in that, within 24 hours. And so that took a toll on me mentally. And then trying to figure out, transitioning back into motherhood, wife life, and supporting, is, it was, it took a lot. And I'm finally, after. It's been 14 months now. It's starting to feel more normal again. But I think postpartum definitely plays an even bigger role in, making things harder, but being able to recognize it and trying to get the help you need, whether it's with the doctor or taking, I found using supplements, like natural supplements actually help way more because your body is so depleted when you give birth because your body has just been like giving it all to your baby. And then you take the baby out and you're like, Oh shoot, I need more iron. Like it's all gone. And back to back, then your body was like, I got nothing. So adding all the hormones, absolutely. Supplementing and allowing our bodies to do what they naturally know how to do and just aiding in that process is a really cool thing. But yeah, postpartum, it doesn't get talked about in life really enough in general and adding it all like those, I would say are some of our hardest years is when we had three under five. And I just remember like crying and calling him. He's do I need to come home? I'm like, no. No, I just need to go. I'm tired. Yeah. And then having to have those conversations of okay, if I just know that I'm going to get an hour of peace, like when you come home after 72 hours or mandations or whatever it is, then my mentally, I can handle it. And just having to, Talk about what he needed, what I needed, all of those different things made such a big difference, but postpartum man is not fun. No. And it's different for everyone. Some are more severe than others and it could be anxiety or it could be depression. It could be both. And just being able to know yourself and know your body. And know okay, this isn't normal. This isn't how I normally feel or how I normally act. What am I missing? Is this really something I should be worried about? Is this really something I should be angry at? Oh, and postpartum anger, which I don't think people talk about. The mom rage. I'm like, where did this come from? I've never been like this before in my life. Yeah. And it's just wild. So being able to find the ways to, I can't, words can be very hard too We'll blame the kids. They suck your nutrients. and your words Yep. Then, you probably answered some of this already'cause how we overcome that is community. But what else did you find helped? And walking you through that part of your journey. I would say really diving back into like my daily devotionals and, praying and reading God's word and really getting back into back into that. Cause like in the newborn phase, there's so much going on that I'm like, I can barely stay awake. And it feels like an excuse, but it's hard. And They make it easy now with the Bible app. You can just push play and it will read it for you. And you can choose the voice. Oh, you can? Yes. So depending on the translation, you can choose it has all these different voices. So it can be like a woman's voice or a man's voice or a British man's voice. And it's fabulous. I didn't know. Yes. That's amazing. I think that can be another way that we just shame ourselves into thinking. Like I was thinking about this the other day and whenever I start to feel like I'm irritated or I'm more snippy with the kids or I'm frustrated that his underwear is on the floor again, whatever it is, it's usually because I am having a viewpoint of what I think life should look like versus what it really is. Living in the moment. And so I think that's just another way. We tell ourselves like we're supposed to have this devotion every day. We're supposed to be, in the word or praying or whatever that is for each person. And it's their seasons. There is no balance. It's just a rhythm and there's going to be different rhythms for different parts of where life is. And postpartum is a lot more prayer. Yeah, it definitely is. And they might be short sentence prayers. Exactly. I'm like, okay, please give me clarity and wisdom right now. Cause this is what I need. Yes. And some caffeine. Yes, absolutely. So yes. So perspective and I guess the other part of what you said it's perspective, but then it's also, like taking that time to work on yourself and the mental component, like how we view life, what the lens is that we're looking through mindset is huge. Yes. It'll make it or break it. What is something you would tell someone that is listening that you wish you had known? I think that, it's going to be different for everybody, which is great. I'm not sure. I really went into all of this with no expectations or understanding of anything. So I think for one, being open to listening, being open to him sharing, it's more than just a job. It's more than just a career. It is. It's so it's a life. It's a brotherhood and a sisterhood. And, um, it's I hear a lot with people getting or you Family is getting upset because of, so and so's missing out on a birthday party, our anniversary, Christmas, holidays, and those are all just days that can be celebrated any other day. And personally I would much rather get a lot more chocolate candies the day after. Valentine's Day because they're on sale. We're going to save on the pocketbook and the chaos. Yeah. So I think, trying to cause they all, they want to be there with you too. They're not, they don't want to be away from you. And really trying to, I think, put yourself in their shoes cause they're not doing it because they don't want to be with you, and making them feel, guilty or upset about it. Isn't going to help. But, you can obviously express your frustrations. I do that to you still I really don't want you to work this day. Can you not, it, it happens. And I think just remembering that, like, it's just a day we can be celebrated any other day and not stressing too much about that. I think that's the biggest advice I would have besides, being open and listening Being receptive to whatever is going on at the fire station. Absolutely. And it's so true. Like I look back in some of my favorite holidays before we had kids, I was a nurse and he worked as a paramedic and our favorite Thanksgiving, it was like, we had the Thanksgiving meal in the hospital cafeteria, he brought a patient in, we had lunch, like you just make it different. And now we have kids. Christmas can be any date. Like they're older now, they obviously know when December 25th is. If we're little we could lie. Now we just tell them it's a different day. And then going to the fire station, creating those memories and making it something that's extra special that they get to do on that holiday and getting all the families together and just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad. Exactly. Yeah. That's awesome. That is great advice. Okay. This question is one of my favorites. I feel like we're going to get a really good answer based on what you told me of your husband, but what is the funnest or funniest prank he has ever pulled either on you or at the fire station? Cause some guys keep it at the fire station. Mine is not. It comes home, but yes, so there was a phase where we were pranking each other quite a bit and it was definitely before babies. Yeah. Now it's a little harder. And it started cause he told me all the pranks that they would do at the station. I'm like, that's so funny. And then. All of a sudden now my Instagram and TikTok feed were showing me all these different pranks. And I was like, Ooh, so it's not necessarily him playing a prank on me, but I was like, all right I want to get in on this, which don't do that. If you don't want to open that door, or 10 of us, like we are so clever and I am not as least as what I've learned. So I got two of those little Nerf toys and I set one out for him and I had one and I was hiding around the corner. As soon as he came in, I did a little like pew pew. And he had to come chase me. And then that just started a whole war where he'd be working in his office. And all of a sudden I just take the little toy and, shoot them off. And it, Oh my gosh, it started a whole war. I have them hidden now because it just got bad. I was like, did that go for? I think probably for a couple months. I was like, it's time to stop with this because I'm cooking, right? Like I am not going to win. That's a good time to stop is when you know, you're not going to win. Be like, I'm going to end on a high note. Yeah, it's like, all right. And then we'll wrap up with this last question and then we'll go into rapid fire questions, which are my favorite. But what is something that you wish people could understand about being either married to a first responder or living in this first responder lifestyle? What would you say for that? That's a good one. I would say I think there's some people who don't understand, like, why are you labeling yourself as a fire wife? Like you are your own person. And yes, we are our own person, but we are so proud of the job that they do and how much they love it that we want to also show our support and love for them and what they do. And. Just because I say I'm a firewife doesn't mean that is my entire identity. That is just how I show my love and support for my husband because I love what he does. He's supporting us. He's, working hard. He's, he works harder than anybody else I know, so I proudly wear the badge of fire wife. And I think a lot of people don't understand that when you say, Oh, I'm a fire wife. Absolutely. I think that's one of the best ways I've heard it said, cause it's a hard thing to articulate. And it's also that it then becomes, talking about mindset, it's a calling. It's something that they are meant to do and they cannot do it on their own. Like it's a entire family thing. To where the kids may have a birthday on a different day or they're not at the birthday party or Thanksgiving's at the firehouse, like we've been talking about, like it's I think that's why we're all so proud of it is we are doing a job as well. It's just a different task than what they're doing. And it takes all the pieces to have it. Work really well. Okay. These are going to be fun. So here we go. What is your favorite movie? Oh we currently watch a lot of animated movies because of the babies. I'm sure. Oh, I just saw twister. Just kidding. I just saw twister. So good. So good. Yes. No, I was so surprised. I loved it. My oldest was babysitting till like midnight and I didn't go to bed like a grandma. And so I was like, how are we going to stay awake? So we went and we saw twisters. So good. I loved it. Oh, I was surprised. I was like, I don't think I'm gonna like this. And then nope. I actually really did. I did. I liked it too. What's your favorite kid movie that you have to watch all the time? I have found that watching any movie that has like a multiple sequence of movies. So all the Toy Stories I don't have to watch the same movie over and over again. It's Toy Story one, two, three, four, and they don't know. Yes. Whichever one that you would like to watch that day, you can put on. That's a good trick. Coffee or tea? I am currently drinking both. How do you drink your coffee? Iced because I run so hot. If I drink a hot coffee, I'm just going to be like a hot, sweaty mess all day. And then it's just ruined. Oh, I love, I, it's literally been like 110 degrees with a hundred percent humidity in Texas and I will drink hot coffee, black coffee. I know probably like diagnosable for that. What is one item that you cannot live without? My cell phone. Yes. But besides that it's like one of My cup of whatever I'm drinking at that moment. Yes. Hydration and Silva. Yes. Mountains or beach? I love the beach. Yeah. Don't go as often as I should for loving it, but I do love the beach. And how close are you to a beach? Cause I know like you think LA and you think beach is right there, but it's not always that way. Correct. So I live probably, I think the closest beach is probably an hour away on a good day with no traffic, 45 minutes to an hour. Same with the mountains, 45 minutes to an hour. Also the same with the desert and also the same with LA. So I'm like in the heart. Yeah. It's just picking what we want to do for the day. Do we want to do this or this? That's very cool. And the last question is, what is the best advice you have ever been given? Just in general or firelight? In general. In general. Okay. I think we got a lot of really good ones for our, we did advice cards for the wedding and every year we go through and we read them on our anniversary and the one that cracks. The advice right there. If you're getting married, go do that. Yes, absolutely. And then read them every year. So you can see. What you've implicated through that or Oh, wait, we should try that more. Or in this season, it's not, we didn't know what this really meant. And now in this season we do. Yes. You can tell me other advice too, but that's a good one right there. No, I think that was great. I think so too. Awesome. Okay. So much for giving your time to us today and sharing your story where if people want to connect with you, where's the best place for them to find you? Oh, find me on Instagram. It's Sirens and Champagne. Okay, I was like, are we gonna tell them what it is? Because we have to talk about how you got that name. Because it's my favorite. I've ever heard anything. Thank you. Thank you. So I love mermaids and sirens are a type of mermaid. And then sirens ambulance. Yes. And sirens for or fire like, so I was like, this works perfectly for both ways. And then he doesn't love a nice glass of bubbly, I think it's a genius. I love it. Yeah. So go find her at sirens. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you.

34:48

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