Duty, Family, and Fire with Kerri

Balancing Firefighting and Law: Kerri's Family Story

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter', host Kristi Hilmer chats with Kerri, a Massachusetts-based attorney, about her unique life balancing a full-time law practice, raising kids, and being married to a fourth-generation firefighter. Kerri shares insights into their family dynamics, the challenges of step-family life, dealing with the anxieties of a first responder's dangerous job, and the importance of maintaining a personal identity outside the fire service. The conversation also explores Kerri's personal experiences during significant incidents like the Boston Marathon bombing and the practical routines they've developed over the years to manage stress and ensure family stability.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

01:00 Meet Carrie: Balancing Law, Family, and Firefighting

02:02 Family Dynamics and Busy Schedules

03:17 Online Dating and Becoming a Firefighter's Wife

04:38 Surprises and Challenges of Firefighter Life

06:39 The Boston Marathon Bombing Experience

09:45 Handling Anxiety and Communication

19:03 Starting a Law Practice and Managing Worst-Case Scenarios

21:45 Balancing Personal Identity with Firefighter Spouse Life

22:32 Maintaining Individuality in a Firefighter Family

24:31 The Impact of Firefighting on Family Dynamics

25:20 Encouraging Diverse Interests in Children

26:38 Firehouse Pranks and Family Humor

29:05 Understanding the Emotional Toll on Firefighters

32:40 Rapid Fire Questions: Fun and Favorites

35:07 Best Advice for Family Harmony

38:22 Connecting with the Speaker

39:54 Conclusion and Community Invitation

Join our Community- The FireWife Community on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/firstresponderwife/

Find me on IG
https://www.instagram.com/our.firstresponder.life/

Snap a screenshot when you listen and tag us!!!!

And of course, subscribe and share with all your friends!

Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that change you? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. Hello. Today we get to talk with Carrie and I am so excited to hear all of her stories because she, it sounds like has some very interesting ones to share and how she balances a full time law practice in addition to being married to a firefighter and raising kids. So why don't you start off? With just telling us a little bit about what your family looks like, what you do, you know, all the background fluff stuff. Yeah. Yeah we are in Massachusetts. My,, husband is a, uh, full time. career firefighter. He's actually fourth generation as well. So there's a lot of them. Um, he's got a bunch of cousins and whatnot. They actually just, uh, we just had the first of the fifth generation past the fire Academy. So it's kind of cool to be part of all of that. That's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Lot to carry, but it's, it's fun. Mm-Hmm. Um, and we have, we're we're busy bees. So when I met him, he was divorced with two little kids. Those little kids are now one turned 22 yesterday, and the other we just sent off to, um, her first year. of college. So those two are sort of, you know, they still are around, but not sort of on the schedule with us anymore. But we also have a seven year old and a four and a half year old. So we are busy bees. Yes. Exactly. And these kids, their schedule, man. Oh my goodness. It's like back to school soccer and dance and all the things are all starting back up. It's it's so much to even keep track of it all. Yes. Next week we add back in volleyball. My son does baseball and my two girls do club volleyball. And then my oldest is in junior high. So we do school volleyball and next week I'm like, Oh, here we go. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot harder when, when there's like one, two, then you get into three and you're trying to make sure their schedules don't overlap and it's just not. No, no, it's not well, how did you guys meet then? Oh my goodness. So we met, we actually met online and I, I joke a little cause it's like, it's not online the way the kids do it these days. Right? Like this was old school online, right? Like, like really online, back in 2010. And so there were no apps. Like there was no swiping like you had to actually open your computer or your laptop and log in. Yes, I think I always think of like you've got mail. I mean, it wasn't that long ago, but you know, AOL or the chat. Yes. Yeah, some messages going back and forth and whatnot. And I was like, I don't know about this guy like signing up for for Um, being the wife of a firefighter is one thing that I just had no concept of, but also being a step mom that I just had no concept of. So there was a lot that was all wrapped up in that, but he was very cute. So there's that. So then you're like, okay, I'll talk to you. Yeah, basically. I remember talking to a girlfriend being like, I'm just going to go on this date because you know, you meet someone online and then you go in and you can like get a sense right away of whether or not there's anything there. I'm like, I'm sure it's nothing. And then I walked in and was like, Oh, so here we go. That's awesome. Since you married into fire life, this might be a very good question for you then is what surprised you most? Yes. I had no concept, right? I'm not part of, I was not part of this world at all. And I was coming in to this family that obviously this is their way of life. They've been doing this for a very long time. I think what surprised me the most is how you can really fall into a groove of this just being completely normal, and that can go for such a long stretch, but just how quickly you can be reminded that it's not necessarily normal, you know, of what they're doing every single day when they when they walk into the firehouse and just like, you know, the risk that they're taking, um, it's so easy for just, you know, a call or a big fire or, you know, an injury To kind of bring it all up of like, Oh no, they, they're doing something really dangerous every day. So it's, it's sort of that, that it's, it amazes me how it can all just feel normal. And then it shifts so quickly, uh, and you kind of have to settle back in after, after those, those scarier moments. Yes, which when we were kind of talking and messaging before it sounds like you've had a few of them. So I don't know if you can share any of them. So, uh, the biggest one actually was, he wasn't even on shift. Um, But you know that they're just sort of born this way, right? Like you just know when trouble is happening. Yes. Yes. I, it's like, it's innate in them of, you know, something happens. You're either, you know, the, the, the buildings on fire, you, you have people running away. You might have people going towards it to help, but like, these guys are running into that. And I like to tell him that he's a little, I'm like, you guys are a little unhinged. It's okay. You guys, it's what makes you who you are, but it's normal. Yes. So he has been, He's been volunteering with the organization that runs the Boston Marathon since he was a teenager. So he kind of has his section. He's become sort of the leader of that section for, I mean, so many years now. He's been doing it for 30 plus years. And so you are able to kind of bring in your team. And so most sections along the along the route are just, Like you and me, there's, you know, normal people that are just happen to be there, but I mean, who else does he hang out with other than other firefighters? So you have the spot right at the finish line that just happens to be manned by first responders. It's not required. It just kind of is, is what it is. Um, and so he's been there for, you know, a significant amount of time. And so when the, the bombs went off at finish line, you know, He was there. Um, and that was, I think it's, it's not necessarily knowing that they're in a dangerous spot. Um, it's more when you can't get in touch with them. Yes. And so we had a moment there in the city where, the, obviously they were, In something big and they, it would be catastrophic that they were responding to. But on top of that all of the cell phone lines jammed because everyone was trying to communicate. And so I actually didn't hear from him until like seven o'clock that night, something along those lines. And so that is where it's like, you can just tell a story in your head. That is Sometimes just so much worse than what is even going on. And so it's, it's just, you know, it's that personality that like they, this thing went off and all of them were like, are we good? We're good. We're going in and like running towards the situation when they weren't even. You know, actually working, but, it's, yeah, those moments where you're like, very, very proud of you. And also I'm going to kill you for that. You do know you're supposed to come home, right? Absolutely. And then that's probably an added dynamic when they aren't on shift in that situation, because I feel like. My brain, like I would, I had to have him walk me through all their training and we were married. Like we went through the fire academy together, all of that. So I knew his training, but I am a very scientific, um, logical human. So I'm like, tell me all the training you have done. Because then I can be Yes, you're safe. You've done this. And then to be in a situation where they weren't on shift. Yes, they're still trained, but you don't have access to like the chief's number or the protocols. It's just chaos. It's just chaos. There was no protocol. And now it is interesting because now there is so much security and whatnot around the event. Just so much more enhanced than what it was. but I'd like that the year after him going to the marathon was like, okay, likelihood of something happening is very low, but the anxiety is so high. Yeah, that's it's a really good point of, of kind of relying on their training, but also showing him that I trust him that I know that you know what you're doing, that I have faith that you are coming out of that no matter what, because you, you do, you know what you're doing, you've been training for, for this, and kind of giving him that, that, you know, confidence that I, that You know, believe in him, and I know he's coming home, but it's that that lack of communication can be hard. Yes, we have been in that situation and it is not fun. No, no Yeah, it's not fun at all and to have that long of a time Because you can really unrationalize yourself. Yes, yes. I think early, early on, one of the first, um, sort of moments of being like, oh, wait a second, this is, this is a little scary sometimes, was him being, uh, on shift. So they do 24 hours. So it's, I'm going to sleep and waking up a couple of text messages from, you know, like my sister and an aunt, um, just being like, Hey, is he okay? And I'm like, I don't know what happened. Are you okay? And so calling him, and of course, he's like in the shower. He was fine, but he wasn't answering right away. And so like we kind of, you know, your brain can spiral, especially when it's the first time that that's happened. And I'm turning on the news and seeing someone was injured and everyone was fine. But now we have for, I mean, coming up on 15 years now, we've got a, a little routine where if he thinks he's got to make the news, he has to let me know that he's like walked away. Right. And so I'll wake up some mornings and I have a text that says, I'm okay. I'm like, all right, well now I'll figure out what happened, but I go, let's see what, what's the news. What happened? Like our name on your jacket on the 6 a. m. news. Thank you. Unless it's to save a cat or something like that. Something happy. Yes. Well, how was it at home after? Because a lot of times when you have those significant events. It's the immediate is fine. Yeah. And then it's the after that can be. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was a weird situation. In, I mean, in general, but he the entire city sort of locked down. There was this man hunt, right? So everything just stopped. He was not going back to work yet and like he was not scheduled. And so he was just sort of like a caged animal at home because He wanted to be there and be part of it and all of that. And I wasn't at work because our office was closed. You don't go into the city. And so it was a really strange time, like a couple of days of just everything being just sort of paused. So that in and of itself made it sort of difficult because there was no distractions. But that was one of the bigger ones where, you know, sometimes you can see that it really is impacting them. The, the maybe, you know, lack of sleep or disrupted sleep, or, you know, I think, I think he tries to put on, a really, he tries to sort of like compartmentalize all of that and put on a brave face at home. But you can obviously tell when something's sort of bugging them. The city itself that he works for does a really good job of kind of bringing people in and kind of Forcing them to talk about things when something, but this was a little different, right? Like you had a bunch of them that were there, but also it wasn't really on shift. And so there was some moments kind of in that, that follow up where it was like. The, just the visuals of what he had seen were really, really hard to kind of push, push back and, and kind of go about daily life. And that can be hard because they, they're, they're. So trained to like, I can handle this. I know what to do. And in the moment they do and they can, they can handle it. But then sometimes those images are just really, really difficult to kind of get out of your brain. And so There's that one was, was a little bit harder than some of the others to kind of help and to then see. I mean, they're the first on scene. So they already see horrific things, but then to see it literally from the beginning, like the actual event and the after. Yeah. Yeah. To be part of that sort of first scary moment where it was like, we don't know what's happening. We don't know if there's more. And so not really understanding what was happening. I think that adrenaline spike alone would have been, would have been enough to need to kind of recover from, right? Yeah. So it is, it can be hard. It can be hard to sort of be there in a way where it's like, I don't fully understand because I don't, I wouldn't run towards that. It's not in my makeup, my chemical makeup. I'm going the other way. And so, you know, you don't fully understand it. You don't really fully comprehend what, what they've seen, or that sort of drive to kind of get in there and, and be in the mix, even though they're still in danger. But it's, you know, you don't want to force them, but also kind of being there, but there's also trying to sort of push through that a little bit, because he also, he doesn't really share a lot of details because he does want to protect, us, but also just the home life and the home space and not sort of bring all of that back. And so kind of finding a balance over time of, of just how to support and be there for him, without kind of pushing too hard. Yes. Yeah. We've had to work through that balance for sure of sharing. To where there's still a connection, but there's still things that he's like, they're just too awful to share. Like, I can't do that to you or the family. And you can just tell, like there's certain days I can tell that it just wears more than others. Yeah. Yeah. They come in, in the door after a shift with either, you know, like a pep in their step or not so much. And it's like, okay, how are we handling this today? Yeah, it wasn't on the news, so I don't know. Exactly. Um, well, what then have, if it's different, I guess, than what we've already talked about, is there anything else that you've struggled with and then overcame or what you found to help kind of walk through some of that struggle? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think That I that sort of idea of, letting yourself kind of spiral on the anxiety of what's happening. I think that's the biggest piece that, obviously that makes sense, but it sort of caught me off guard of, of, you know, Oh, I'm, I'm not supposed to just shut everything down. I'm supposed to. carry on at work and pick up the kids and even though I have no idea what's happening or if he's safe. And it doesn't happen that often, right? But you have those moments where they do sort of make you kind of catch your breath. So having that, that sort of system in place with him where it's like, okay, if you can, you're letting me know that you're okay. But also just, you know, trying to make sure that I'm taking care of myself because if, if he's sort of out of commission for whatever reason, I'm the one that has to keep carrying all of this on and making sure that the kids are good. And, and, you know, we've got the big kids, we've got the little kids and just making sure that everybody has everything that they need. And so really like taking care of yourself. And learning how to sort of manage that, that piece, that anxiety, you can't spiral on it. You can't let your brain go to these, these dark, dark places. Um, it's really relying on, like you said, the, the, the training that they get, the fact that like, I know that you're good at this job. I know that if anyone can do this, that's you. And so I have to just remind myself that, and that can be, that can be hard. Yes, I know. Sometimes he comes home. He's like, I think you think I can do anything. I'm like, I have to tell myself you can do. Can't you do this? I'm like, I know you can. Yeah. Let me keep believing this, please. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. yeah, systems and health are just absolutely crucial. And Having those, like I've had to create systems in place for when it's okay, there's extra mandatories this season or whatever it is because we need. To be almost like I need my plan A, my plan B, and my plan C, and just always have these systems and then taking care. Yeah, part of the reason, so I worked in a corporate setting for a long time and part of the reason that I sort of shifted out of that too to kind of to do my own, my own thing was being able to manage my schedule in that way where like, I'm using that for, you know, just a workday just in case, because I don't want to have to cancel on someone because I have a, a sick kid or something like that, being able to control a lot of that, um, that helps a lot when it, when it comes to sort of balancing the schedule and just being able to respond to things when you need to, yeah, yeah, so that's been really good too. That's really cool. And so now you have your own law practice, right? I do. I do. So I went out on my own, Oh my goodness. In 2022, when, yeah, we had the littlest one at home and I was like, all right, no more babies. Yes, What are we going to do? Um, and so I had gone out on my own. I actually, the the practice that I have now, I actually ended up partnering with another, another mom. We're building, we're building this practice together. But it's interesting because you know, we talk about. Like, okay, don't think about the worst thing that could happen. And, you know, sort of push that anxiety out of your mind. And then I end up in the situation where I'm like, Oh, all I do all day is talk about the worst case scenario. So it would be like, it's, it can be easy to sort of let that all sort of seep in. So I do, I, I am an estate planning attorney. So of course, like, Trusts and wills and things like that, but also handling like moments of incapacity, you know, injuries and and illnesses and sort of helping mostly married couples, but sometimes, you know, all sorts of people, um, kind of through what that looks like in advance of it happening so that we can make sure that they have the ability to make decisions on each other's behalf. And so. I've kind of, you know, try to make it as upbeat as I possibly can when I'm talking to clients, but obviously we get phone calls too, where it's like, this just happened, or what do we do now? This emergency. And so sometimes you come home and I'm like, okay, the worlds are colliding. I didn't need like this phone call that then made me think of what could happen to you over here. And so sometimes it can be hard to sort of keep those things separate. But it's also nice to be able to see like, okay, we're helping, or I'm helping people through something that like I sort of face, you know, we as, as spouses of first responders sort of face on a daily basis that like something could happen at any moment. And so being prepared for that to make it, just not as hard. Right? We can't prevent it, but just make it not as hard. And so I have to try to weave that story in my head. That would be challenging. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you do for a living. And then to tell yourself, no, this isn't what's going to spiral and happen. Right? It is. I'm like, what's like Murphy's law? If we have everything all set up, nothing will happen. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Something like that. I don't know. I'm going to go with that. What is something that you would tell somebody listening today that you wish you would have known? I think being able to, um, keep. You know, we, we respect the fire service where we're honoring everyone that sort of came before. And we obviously, like, the work that they do is, is amazing. And they're so brave. And we want to support all of that. But when we are not also in that world, I think it can be really easy to fall into this. Like, uh, you know, this is my spouse and this is what he does. And I'm sort of taking it on as my personality. Right. And it can be so easy to sort of fall into that probably with anything. Um, but this is just really big. It's such a big part of our lives. And so figuring out a balance between Um, you know, what does that look like on, showing up on fireman Sunday and maybe bringing some stuff by the firehouse, some treats or whatnot for them, but also like having your own thing and not, not it becoming your entire personality that he or she is a firefighter. Right. Cause I've just seen so many people sort of spiral in that. And then if anything happens to that relationship, it's like anything else, right? Anything happens to that. Now you're sort of left trying to figure out like. Well, who am I? And what do I do? And what do I enjoy? And so making sure you don't kind of lose yourself to it. And it can be really hard because there's, there's a lot like their schedule dominates everything. We can't change it. And so it can be really hard to not just fall into that. Like, this is who I am. But it's just a part of who we are. And so making sure that you're really having your own, Your own things, right? Whether it's, you know, a parent or, or work or just activities outside of, you know, the fire service. Absolutely. You know, I was talking to somebody the other day and it's like, this is, title's not really the right word, but it's like, I'm a mom, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend. I'm also married to a firefighter, like it's just one aspect because even I used to work full time as a nurse. And when I walked away from that, And I started my own business. It was like, and a huge identity shift with my identity. This is what I've worked for. this was the goal and it could be the same thing if, then what happens if they're not a firefighter anymore? And that's what your whole marriage is based on, or that's your entire identity. Even if your entire identity is your kids, they go to college, then what happens? Just not getting trapped in any of that. That one of our titles being our identity. Exactly. I, that's, that's perfect because it, we do, it is their identity, right? And so much of it. And I even try to sort of encourage him to not let it become the whole thing because then you do see them, whether it's an injury or retirement or whatnot, you see them struggle with that and sort of letting go of. Certifications as they're coming up to be, you know that they have to renew them or things like that, where it's like it's it's their feel like they're losing a part of themselves and we don't need to be part of that. We should be supporting through that rather than also going through this like tremendous grieving process. So it is it can, but it can be really hard. It can be really hard. Absolutely. Because it is a big thing. And it's Such a purpose and a calling for them that as a family, you do take that on. Yes. So letting it be multiple purposes or multiple things. Yes. Yeah. And I, I try to balance it with the kids as well, where it's like, yes, it's very cool that like, Dad is a firefighter. And so whether he was or not, you probably were going to want to be one too, when you're five and six and seven years old. Halloween costume. Right, exactly. It's always going to be there, but like encouraging other activities and thoughts and interests and things like that, if they end up in there. That's great. I, you know, add more to the fifth generation, uh, but I, I never want it to feel sort of heavy on them that like, this is the path they need to go down just because dad did that. And so that is a big part of it for me as well of like, We are showing up, we're honoring things, we're, you know, making sure we know the history of the family and all of that. but also like go play soccer. And dad will be at about three quarters of them and that's okay. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Build the Legos, do the like, whatever it is, go like figure out all the interests, so that you have just a more well rounded sort of view of things. Absolutely. Well, I don't know. This is a question I ask everybody and it's been really interesting to see the answers. So I don't know if your husband's a jokester or a prankster, but I feel like most of them are. And so has there been like, does he bring pranks home and do them? Does it stay at the firehouse? So he's not at your house because he's fourth generation, is it like a family prank? What does the prank situation look like at your house? Yeah. So it's, it's interesting. So he is, um, the, the vast majority of his family is, in one city and he actually got hired in a different city. So he's not with them, which is interesting. So we sort of come together for a lot of things, but he's not actually on the job with them, which is what the vast majority of them are all in one city. So yes, I think there are a lot more pranks happening on the other, the other side. So he's not so much a prankster. He is, he's, he has been cracking me up recently because he's, I think they probably all have this where they come home and they're constantly just like, Grabbing or whatever at us. Right. Um, smacking, smacking butts as we walk by all of that fun stuff. So I tease him and I have for years of like, what's wrong with you? You don't always have to be like that. Well, he has discovered that, um, on social media, usually take talk. There's like, like, All these women basically talking about their husbands doing exactly that with these very funny going up the stairs and Like are hiding and hiding Right. Yeah, so he's constantly sending me these and being like see it's not just me. It's exacerbated the situation so much Yes, I know get off of tick tock Sometimes it's helpful to be like, okay, this is a normal behavior And then other times you're like, Oh my gosh, but it's giving them permission. Yes, exactly. I'm like, stop. The funniest one I just saw recently is where it's like, we like to keep, I forget how they said it, but it's like, we'd like to keep things even. And so the husband is putting his clothes like at the bottom of the stairs by the laundry basket. But not in it. And then she's bringing the load of cardboard and throwing it in the garage. And I was like, Oh, everybody does this. Cause I don't want to do the cardboard, throw it out there. No, that was pretty funny. Yeah. These universal truths that frustrate and whatnot. But are just so funny. Yeah. He loves to send me those. It's not just me. I'm like, fine. Oh man. Okay. Well, our last question, and then we'll do some rapid fire questions is what is one thing that you wish kind of the outside world could understand? I think that's a tough one. I think Understanding that they, the, and I won't sort of color it, it's all of them, but I think it's the vast majority of them. Um, the, the, anyone in fire service, they're showing up in the world as being sort of brave and, and tough and can handle anything. And when they sort of come home, sometimes that all sort of falls away. I think having people understand, that it does impact them, what they see and what they carry and just the, not, not only the, like the visuals of it, but sort of what got people to the point of some of the things that they see. And so they, they're just experiencing. of the sort of hurt in th carry that with them. An people understand that we is like, you know, exactl sort of like, get along t and they are, but sometim Um, to sort of protect us, and maybe shield what's kind of happening on the inside. And so, maybe if, it would be good if other people could kind of see that they do carry that. They're not as tough as they, as they portray. Yes. I know I was talking with some friends at dinner and we just had had some significant things in our community that had happened that were just absolutely devastating and heartbreaking and they were kind of talking through their view of it and, you know, experience or knowing people. And I was sitting there thinking like, like, that's what our husbands see all the time, all the time. And like, they are just there and it's. It's like, you listen to people process it and talk about it and it's devastating to them and they haven't even seen it and they're having to walk through some of these things and it just every once in a while it hits me of like, this is what they see. This is what they do. And like, how can that not be? affect a human. And I think the longer you're married, you can kind of see it change. Like, it's not like they change or their personality changes. You can just see them wear it. Yeah. Yeah. And I, especially, I think I see it the most with my husband, with the kids, Yeah. Like just very fiercely protective over any situation. Because he's seen so many things go the wrong way. He wants our house to be the fun house at all times. Because it's like, if they're home, I have some control. And you know, like those types of things. It's like, gotta, gotta just keep everybody, close enough that he can, he thinks he can respond to anything, right? And so as long as they're within my control, I can fix it. And so trying to help him through that is sometimes like, we've got to let them fly a little. Yes. Yeah, we have to let them grow up and learn and experience, which is not easy to do, but no, no, but especially given given everything that they kind of see in the end result of mistakes that they end up kind of having to process. Absolutely. Well, that was a very good one. So now we'll switch gears and go into rapid fire. That is hopefully funny. So what is your favorite movie? Oh, goodness. Favorite movie. Um, we are in such like a little kid rotation right now. That. Like the only thing that even comes up is like Disney movies. We have been on a Moana on repeat kick because the new one is coming out. Yes. I'm very excited about the new one. So as lame as that is, I think it's Moana right now. yeah. But Moana is one that I could watch, like when the kids were watching it over and over, I'm like, I can handle this one. Like, I like this. I'm rooting for her. Yeah. She can win. The grandma comes back. Like, all the things. Yes. Yeah. Very inspirational. I also love that the kids are growing up with, like, Their Disney sort of main characters are not just princesses waiting around for someone, so that's kind of fun too. Right, it's changed a little bit. Yes, yes, no more cinderellas, thanks. Okay, coffee or tea? Coffee. Yes. And how do you drink? Actually, it's right here. How do you drink your coffee? I drink my coffee black, which I have been told. Do you? Yes! I'm like, I'm going to at me like I'm crazy. Yes, I, it's black, and then if I go out, it's an Americano. Yes. And people think I'm weird. But I think it's delicious. So good for you. What's one item that you cannot live without? As much as I hate to say it, probably my phone, right? I'd love to be able to break the tie, but it's like, you've got all the kids pictures and then it's the lifeline to everybody I can do work from it. And still be, you know, it gives me that, like, That ability to be in multiple places, sort of right where it's like, I'm at soccer, but I could still respond to something or, or, you know, things like that. But it is, it's also that sort of double edged sword of like, okay, now put it down. So yeah, unfortunately, I think that's where I'm at. I know, I know mountains or beach. Oh, uh, probably beach, I would say. Yeah, good choice. Yeah. And then the last one is, what is the best advice you have ever been given? In general, doesn't have to be about fire. In general, best advice I have ever been given, um, So combining it all. So, when I met my husband, there was, you know, we had these two little kids that are just, they're phenomenal. They're not little anymore, but they're just, they're such great people. But just step family life in general can be tough. Especially when you sort of have outside people, we've got a mom that we're bringing into the mix and you know, there's a lot of, a lot going on. And so someone had given me the advice that like, no matter who it is, if someone is sort of causing, any sort of strife, anxiety, you find yourself like constantly sort of complaining about that person, that you have to for the, the, the safety of your marriage, you make a decision to give that person 15 minutes a day. And so we did that when the kids were little and it's easy for there to be conflict even between us. Nevermind now having another person, 15 minutes a day for anyone, whether it's a boss, you know, an ex, whatever it is, talk about the things that need to be discussed and then do not spiral on just like bad mouthing and talking and whatnot. And like, it's amazing how Uh, they just are. They no longer live for free in the in your space anymore. Um, and we still, to this day, practice that if we find ourselves sort of getting into a routine of like, can you believe about any sort of one person? Um, and that has been so good for just like, The atmosphere in our home, the dynamic between us, um, just sort of releasing a lot of negativity. Only talk about the things that need to be discussed and then we're moving on and not sort of giving that person so much so much power and space within our Uh, four walls. That's, that's incredible advice. That's a very wise person. Hopefully they're still around in your life. Uh, yes, yes. I'd keep that friend is what I would do. I remember being like, okay, 15 minutes. We're setting a timer now. We don't need to set a timer and we weren't going to. And I'm freely setting a timer, but it's more just being aware of like, I'm giving this person too much air time in, in, you know, in our home that we have so many other things to talk about. So that that was really helpful for us. I think, you know, it can be a lot. important for a lot of families to be able to balance, I mean, so like a step family, but any family right, the kids and then this job and then you have, you know, our our interests or jobs and you're trying to balance it all together. You're trying to like balance everything together, and it's like it can. Mm hmm. The conflict is just, it can be brewing at all times. And so finding a way to sort of keep the atmosphere in your home healthy and keep the dynamic between the two of you healthy, um, not have it always be about the kids or the boss or the ex or whatever it is, and like really find those interests, keep those alive between the two of you is just, it's like the best thing that you can possibly do. Well, thank you for spending this time with us and sharing all of your stories. I just appreciate it so much. So if people want to connect with you, where can they find you? If they're interested in estate planning and they're in Massachusetts area or just in general. Yeah, so if you are in Massachusetts, I'm licensed in mass. My law firm is called modern legacy law group. And so we are on our website is, is under that name and we're on social media. If you're not in Massachusetts, I'm still always happy to help and kind of connect people. Um, another resource that I really like for, you know, estate planning and kind of. walking through the sort of idea of incapacity or injury. Um, uh, personal family lawyer dot com. A lot of those, those lawyers, um, they're across the country and they have a lot of similar training to what, um, uh, me and my partner have where it comes to kind of working with families, you know, whether it's first responders or sort of other, other kind of unique. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and kind of. Looking at it more as a sort of, counseling type situation rather than just pure legal advice, because that's not really helpful to anyone. But we are, yep. We're on, um, we have our website up, but we also are on social media. So under that, that same name. So modern legacy law group. Awesome. Well, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for doing this. I'm so excited to listen to everyone else too. It's going to be fun. At least that's my hope. It's going to be fun and valuable for sure. For sure. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. It would mean the world to us to have you subscribe, like, share with all the people you love and join us in our FireWife community. Thanks again and see you next time.