Building Resilience: The Story Behind Everyday Heroes

Empowering Journeys and Building Community: Insights from Everyday Heroes

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter,' host Kristi Hilmer is joined by Mitch Gourley, a firefighter and the founder of the Instagram community 'Everyday Heroes,' and his wife Markee. Together, they delve into their personal and professional lives, focusing on Mitch's aim to empower first responders and Markee's experience managing their demanding lifestyle. The couple discusses the pivotal role of communication and resilience in relationships, offering insights into navigating the stresses of firefighting and emotional hurdles. They share their growth stories and efforts in community-building while encouraging listeners to engage with the FireWife network. The episode also emphasizes the impact of social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok in fostering supportive communities.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

01:00 Meet Our First Couple: Mitch and Markee

01:29 Life as a Firefighter: Mitch's Journey

03:50 Navigating the Firefighter Schedule

05:30 Living in Canada: Weather and Wildfires

09:16 The Birth of Everyday Heroes

18:50 Balancing Personal Growth and Relationships

26:21 Maintaining Connection in a Busy Life

32:36 Handling the Hard Calls

37:12 The Impact of a Firefighter's Job on Family Life

38:29 Navigating Communication and Emotional Support

39:33 Personal Growth and Relationship Dynamics

43:53 Balancing High Achievements and Relationship Expectations

46:33 Advice for Those Facing Hard Times

55:25 Humorous Anecdotes and Pranks

01:03:34 Rapid Fire Questions and Final Thoughts

Follow Everyday Hero here  https://www.instagram.com/everydayheroes.fitness?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that change you? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. Welcome. I am so thrilled because we get to have our first couple on the podcast today. And it's somebody I followed for a little bit because my husband has sent me his reels quite often. That's usually how I find people. And I am just so excited to get to hear his story and then his wife's story. Just really talk about what they've learned, the successes, struggles, all of the different things. So why don't you guys introduce yourselves and then we'll find out how you met. Beautiful. Absolutely. So I'll get started first. My name is Mitch Borley. I'm the owner and coach at everyday heroes, which is the Instagram platform that Christie's alluding to. I'm 29 years old. I've been a firefighter for the last 10 years. I started very young. So it's always been a part of who I am. And, naturally is the reason why I started the everyday heroes platform, because I saw firsthand, the trials and tribulations and struggles that I had been through. And I wanted to do my part and empower first responders, navigate those highs and lows that life throws our way. So. That's where I'm at. My, my lovely wife here beside me has only ever known me as a firefighter. I was already one when we met and I think I actually sent her home with a calendar shamelessly. So that's how our relationship started. So I think that's a perfect segue into, introducing my lovely wife, Marky. Yeah, the calendar, I think, was my loot bag for our first day. So I'm going to remember him by, for sure. But my name is Marquis Gorley, and officially I still have to change it. But it's a process to change your name. It is. And we just got our nexus passes and everything. So I'm like, it's just one more thing. But Mitch is giving me the side eye here because that's the one thing he's this is really important to me. And I still it's been over a year. So I got to get on it. A year's not that bad. I've known people, it's been several years. So you know, Honestly, like to give her, let her off the hook a little, I'm sure if the roles were reversed and it was up to me getting my last name changed, it would probably take 25 years. So I can't really say too That's probably why we have to change our name. Yeah, for real. Oh my gosh, for sure. But yeah, I think we're one year married, almost seven years together, seven and a half. So like Mitch said, I've only ever known him as a firefighter and it was my first look into firefighting which was interesting. I feel like I had no idea really about their career at all. Until I met him. So I've definitely learned a lot, which has been interesting. She could practically do the job by now. She's caught up to speed. So that's pretty impressive. I still don't know that I could do the job and we've been married for 16 years. So yeah, it's impressive schedule straight every shift. I'm like, okay, so you worked Monday. Your next day is what? Oh my gosh, I'm still getting the schedule down. But what kind of shifts scheduled you guys have? So it's hard to explain the shift that we work. We do work 24 hour shifts, but I know a lot of places I work with a lot of clients in the States. And I know like a lot of times down there, it's just 24 on 48 off 24 on 48 off. Mine's not as cut and dry as that. Basically without trying to make things too complicated. I work Friday, Sunday, Wednesday, Saturday, Tuesday, Monday, Thursday, and that just repeats. So basically 24 on, and always, a 48 hour stretch off between shifts with the exception of my Friday, Sunday that day I worked Friday off Saturday back in Sunday. But yeah, we're pretty fortunate that we have a five and a seven off stretch. So we have a condensed part of our schedule and then a part of our schedule that's a little bit more spread out. So I've never known anything other than the 24 hour shift, but honestly, I can't complain. It works really well. It took some getting used to my wife still doesn't know my schedule, but I always say that it's essentially a four week cycle. And within those four weeks, he works seven 24 hour shifts. Yes. Which in theory, Doesn't sound that hard, but it's harder than it sounds. It is too. And I'm fortunate that I'm a younger guy. Like my dad did 27 years in the fire service. And like he said, by the end, cause they worked the exact same schedule. He said by the end, like of his condensed stretch, he was just a write off. So, I think it's one of those things that gets more challenging as time goes on, but I'm, fortunately riding the wave of youth right now. And I'm going to ride that wave as long as I can. 100%. And then you said in the States. So are you guys in another country? I should have. Yeah, it's Yeah, it's all good. No, we are Canadian. We live in a okay it snows a lot here. No, I'm just getting right our moves to work. Yeah. No, we were just about an hour and a half outside of Toronto. So okay, that's a big landmark in Ontario that most people know. So yeah, we both my wife grew up in Toronto. I grew up in in a suburb just outside of Toronto. And then we've landed ourself in a little subdivision or, community about an hour and 45 minutes northwest of Toronto. And it's about 20 minutes north of the city that I work for. Okay. So not too bad of a commute. I don't know this either, but I am terrible at geography. Like it is, like we talked about it and geography. I don't do that. Oh, good. But do you guys have a lot of fire? Do you have different kind of natural disasters you deal with? Yeah, so we definitely don't experience like the wildfire, like a lot of places in the States. I know like fire season is upon a lot of people in the States. But yeah, like Western Canada, British Columbia, Alberta. They definitely have their fair share of of wildfire just because it's such a sprawling area and there's obviously a lot of You know a lot of forest there and then similar situation ontario for anyone that also isn't well versed in geography is a massive province so you can drive north You know, in Ontario for 24 hours and still not leave Ontario. So when you get into the northern Ontario there's a decent amount of forest fires there. A lot of people that I work with in another life or previous life work for the Ministry of Natural Resources as a wildland firefighter. Where we're located, not so much, but definitely like north of Ontario and in more in like the western part of Canada. There's quite a bit of that kind of stuff, but yeah, no no hurricanes. We don't really get that much. Like the worst we get is like a snowstorm. Yeah. So maybe that's where we should have moved because we came from California, so it was like fire season, then became really all year long, like it was just ridiculous, and we lost our home in one of the wildfires, which is what instigated my husband going from paramedic to fire. And then we moved to Texas, and there are hurricanes, and we did get to experience our very first hurricane, and it was only, I think, a category two, I think is what it ended up being, but I remember thinking I'll take this any day over a fire it is, you've got two weeks notice, you know what's happening it's over, it's done, I feel like we're just, We're so spoiled especially we're located because when we do travel like places that are tropical or other countries continents for that matter like we just scamper in and like peak season when everything's great and then we leave when like you know they experience all the inclement weather and stuff so. But we do get six months of winter. Yeah. And that maybe I actually wouldn't like it gets cloudy in Texas and no sunshine and it's still 80 degrees. And I'm sad. Maybe actually it's just say where I am. It's cold. It's snowy. Yeah. It's wet. Last winter. I think we had like something. It was like a record. We had 79 days of no sunshine and it was, it's cold. I would die every winter. I'm like, where are we moving? Where are we going? Relocate. I always try to find the silver lining though. And I had this conversation with one of my friends. I'm like, this has to be building some sort of resilience or some sort of character. Like when I have to go walk my dog and my snot is freezing to my face, like they're trying to benefit me somehow. So You know, definitely always try to find that silver lining Canada is a lovely place to, to live, but we certainly have our fair share of hiccups that, anywhere you go is going to have. Yeah. Days that we look at each other are you walking the dog? Do I have to? The air is hurting my face. Please don't make me do it. Right. I know we tell our children that we're like, these are character building moments, you're in the dark. That is probably a great segue then into how did you become the everyday fitness hero then? Yeah. I'm sure that was a character building moment. For sure. That is a perfect segue. Yeah, so basically I've always been like very high achieving, very driven individual. Whether it was sports growing up, when I went to, college or what would be the equivalent of academy here in Canada, I won the fitness award. I finished top of my class after that. I did, the paramedic program and did really well in that and swore really high on my provincial exam. Got a job really young, got my first house really young, met my beautiful right wife really young and I always had these things that I was working towards. And, after a couple years in the job, I think I was just a little bit lost as someone that like really thrives and does well working towards a goal, I think. I got comfortable and one of my favorite expressions that I feel is very accurate, especially in the first responder community, because of the time off that we get sometimes is devil hands is, or sorry, idle hands is the devil's workshop. So I think I just fell into a lot of, unhealthy habits. I was, I got on the job so young. So like I, I wasn't really an adult for the first couple of years I work. I was very much still living, in this youthful bliss. And I think my past and life and stress and caught up with me. And I found myself and, a less than ideal spot, my physical health had slid, my mental health wasn't in the best place possible. I was drinking, a little bit more than I should be. And I basically, hit my rock bottom where I was just so unsatisfied with the life I was living. I knew I needed to change something. I knew I wanted more from life. It's cheesy. I'm like, I got to do something. So of course I'm like, I'm going to run a marathon because that's the thing people do. And honestly I don't want to be cliche, but running changed my life because I think it really forced me to reprioritize things, my health how is allocating my time? Like the way the lifestyle I was leading before was now. not conducive to the training and the lifestyle I was, working towards. It just built from there. And I had been coaching. I had been a personal trainer in the past. And I'd always been physically active. So when I saw these, little changes that I made and what a drastic, positive impact it had on my life, I felt really compelled to help other people because, first responders have the weight and struggle that everyday people have, but then they have the job that's just like massive whack on top of it. And I saw my father who did 27 years as a firefighter, and I saw. How that affected him. And I saw, a lot of people, a lot of my peers around me, how, when someone's struggling, it's pretty obvious to see. And I just saw so much of that. And because I had saw how much positive change. Had happened in my life based on some of the things that I had started to do some of the practices that I'd put into place. I just wanted to help and I think anyone that has been through a rough patch and came on the other side, they want to help because they get it, they can sympathize with those people, and they just want the best for them and that's where it led me and. Yeah, it just snowballs from there and it's just been so amazing. The feedback's been excellent. There's this Japanese kind of expression. It's called like Ikigai, which basically means it's when, your means of making money and your passion, your life's purpose meet. And firefighting was that for me, but everyday heroes has basically just been, uh, it has been. That on steroids. Like it is, it's really, been a great way to, match those two things that I'm really, really passionate about. And that's how I got here. So I think when Mitch does something too, he goes in like, All in a hundred percent. And I think when he was struggling, he was looking for these resources and couldn't find them. He couldn't find, what really helped him and what he was really looking for. So he had to piecemeal all of these bits and pieces together to figure out what worked for him. And then, Talking to other people at the hall or wherever it was, realizing that he had that knowledge that he could share that they didn't have to go to a thousand different references and really put in this hard work because when you're struggling, sometimes it's really hard to put in. That amount of work. Sometimes you need someone to guide you in the right direction. And I think that was a big proponent to being able to be that resource that maybe he wishes he had and I think the one thing that's hard to is in the first responder community. Like I think it's very important if you need to seek professional help. I think there's definitely a massive benefit from seeking professional help, but I think the one thing and the one thing that I needed is. to be able to sympathize with someone that understood where I was coming from because people don't really get it until they're in it. Yes. And when I'm trying to articulate my feelings and thoughts about things to someone who clinically can really understand where I'm coming from, but experientially doesn't really get where I'm coming from. I think that was hard and it was really, really difficult for me to have that connection where I could really open up and feel heard and helped. So that's why I just, like my wife was saying, when I do something, I do it a bajillion percent, not a hundred percent, a thousand percent. Yeah. And I just wanted to know everything about mindfulness, neuroscience, all that kind of stuff. And. Once I gathered that information, I was like, and when I looked in the mirror and saw the person I'd become, I was like, I needed you when I was going through it. I needed you. Because you would have understood. So when I made that realization, I was like, I don't care. Cause it's very hard in the first responder space. Firefighting is a very hyper masculine alpha workplace. So I think for a lot of people, it's very hard to be, open and vulnerable, but like I was at a point where I didn't even care. And the one thing that I find solace in and makes me feel good is I can be the guy who can talk about their feelings and mental health and all these things. But if you want to go toe to toe in a workout, I'm going to make you cry. So it's you can be both. I believe that. I can be that, understanding, shoulder to cry on, vulnerable, open book. But I can also bust down doors and do what I have to do. So I think that's really hard is because people Being one doesn't take away from the other. Yeah. People feel like in order to be a firefighter, to be a fireman, to be a firewoman, a paramedic, a police officer. You have to be that assertive, authoritative figure that like can't show emotion, can't show weakness. It's like you have to be professional when you're going on calls, but you don't have to carry that into every aspect of your life. And you can be both and you need to be both to live like a happy, fulfilled life outside of the job. Being able to be vulnerable is a strength, like 100 percent should be looked at as, wow, that's really masculine or whatever, to be there for your brothers and sisters and to be able to be that person. I think that is a strength in and of itself. I think we're getting there for sure. I think the culture the community, it's shifting, it's still a work in progress, but it's definitely shifting and it's really nice to see. Yes. And it's really the whole idea, even of this podcast. Like I think I said it on one of them, like we'll probably talk about community and authenticity and vulnerability on every single one, because how do you have community it's by being authentic. It's by being vulnerable. And it's not the surface stuff like you can't build that true sense of community if we're not sharing the real and the hard and then how we overcame it and then taking that whole idea of purpose in the pain of this was my pain and this is now my purpose so that people can maybe get out of their pain a little faster. Yeah, and I don't want to project the way I feel in my experience on to everyone and assume everyone is going through the same thing. But I've been, fortunate to speak to other people because the community I've created I've been, fortunate enough to go speak and do other things with different, organizations and individuals and the same narrative plays over and over again. So people need to understand is What you're going through isn't unique. There's nothing wrong with you. And again, I don't want to project and say it's everyone but a lot of people are, going through and navigating the same struggles that you are and Sometimes that's all people need to hear is Mm-Hmm I'm not doing this alone. People get it and that's why, stuff like this is so great.'cause someone's gonna be listening to this on the way to work and be like, man, like that, that and this happened to me when I was, speaking with some other people that were open and vulnerable about their experience is like they were explaining what I was going through, like almost as if they were like sitting my brain. Basically, translating that how you were feeling into words for sure. So the inside out movie for firefighters. Yes, we should have one of those. Yeah, yes, absolutely. And their wives, that would be that would actually be funny and probably inappropriate. How has this transition then been for you? To see him, because I think I understood that correctly, you guys were together through all of this and seeing his transition and then sometimes being married to a high achiever has its own struggles of things. So how has that process been for you? Yeah, I think that it's been like such a pleasure to watch, like to see where he was to now. I'm like, so grateful that I've been able to like, be part of that transformation. And a big thing for us too, that we've said is that I'm so happy that when we got married, that he was like this best version of himself. Like it's always a work in progress, but we feel like the people that we were when we got married. It was just, yeah, it was just a, it was a good time for us. I think that for a long time, I was always like, I'm fine. I'm like in this bubble. I'm like, so naive there's, I'm good. I don't have anything. I can't really relate to what he was going through. So I think that there was a period where he was having all these revelations and he wanted to share the knowledge and he wanted to. Me to absorb it all. And I was just like, I'm happy for you, but it's not for me. And then I think that I got to a place that I was like, wait a minute, am I fine? I don't know. So that I was able to, have him as a resource, which is very lucky. And I was able to put in some of the work that he had. And then I was starting to have these revelations. I'm like, Oh, why didn't I listen to you two years ago when you were telling me this? Why did it take me so long? And then now we've been able to use that to further our relationship along, even, when we were married, we're like, these are the best versions of us. I'm so happy to be these versions. And then now even a year later, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm such a better version of myself. You're such a better version of yourself. And then continuing to be able to grow together. I think that has been a big shift too, that was needed. Cause I think there were, for a time there felt unbalanced where he felt like he was really putting in a lot of work and always wanted to be better. And I was okay with status quo. Cause it, it felt fine. Nothing felt wrong. I'm not someone who was struggling with anxiety or anything. So I was like, Why do I need to put in any work? I'm perfect. And then I started putting in the work and I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so much more to life. There's so much, more to the way that we can communicate with each other and relate to each other and be together. And then also be individually too. I think that part of my personality, which I think Mitch relates to with his job is that I love to be a caretaker. So there's a big point that like when he was having a harder time that I was happy to dive in and be that person to help him, which I think maybe I put myself on the back burner a little bit. So now that we're both able to put it in that. effort together and individually, I think we've really been able to just get better every day. And I think one thing to speak to that, and I love this kind of way of thinking is You hear this, you hear this all the time in relationships that like both parties had to give 100%. And it's no, that's never the way because there was a time in my life when all I had to give was 20, because I was just trying to like, figure my own stuff out and get to the next day. And that's all I had the capacity for. And she was there to give me 80. Because that's what I needed at that time. And it wasn't fair to her at the time, she was happy to do it. And so And, further to our point about just, trying times and struggle and finding the value and the message of that is I have such a greater appreciation for my wife looking now at how much she did for me and how much she was there for me when I was really going through some stuff. And I think it's just enriched our relationship so much. And. I almost yearn for those times when I can give you 80 because I am like, he's start struggling maybe. Yeah. I would never, ever do Well, I dunno if kids are in the future, but if they do, that might be your shining one. I want my time. For sure. For sure. But. Yeah, it's just, I'm so grateful for her. I can only imagine how hard it was at times and she was steadfast by my side and I'm incredibly grateful for that. I think having the confidence that both of us will be there when we need it. I remember, I think that your parents always have your best interest at heart. And I remember when I think it had been a little bit that Mitch was having a hard time and I think my mom could see me like giving up a little bit of myself to make sure that I could be there. She's are you sure that this is like the right relationship? Are you sure that, you're happy, your needs are being met, really trying to advocate for me. And I was like, 100 percent because I know when the day comes that it switches, that he's going to be that person for me, that no doubt he'll dive in and he'll want to be. And like Mitch said, it's not always 50, 50, and it's figuring out like, Is it worth it? And will it be reciprocated and being able to have that confidence in each other that the other one can step in when we need it, I think is pretty much the foundation of our relationship and communication. I feel like, Oh yes, that's because there's a time that maybe I couldn't vocalize what I needed and because she was You know, it's there so much for me. She felt like she could not vocalize what she needed because and again, putting herself in the back burner is like, he's trying to figure his own stuff out. I can't even ask for anything. I can't add to his plate. Yeah. But now knowing is and going back to that, overachieving, hyperfixing. I need to be told and she now knows that like you saying that we need to go out for dinner or do this or do that's not like that doesn't take away from the fact that I want to do all those things for you and I care for you. I'm just so my brain is so big and busy that like I need to be told that sometimes and I'm getting better at Okay, honey let's do that. I just need that reminder. So yeah, I think for me to learning to ask for it doesn't mean that he means it any less or wants to do it any less, but sometimes it's hello, put your phone down, talk to me, I just prepared this beautiful meal for you. Let's like, disconnect. Or a little bit and he's Oh my God, I'm so sorry. He puts his phone away and he's let's connect. Let's like, make sure that we're using this time. Cause life gets busy and right now it's only the two of us. So I can only imagine when maybe there's. Some small ones running around, but my beautiful dog is in the background. There's two, there's 2. 5 people or 2. 5 things. Yes. They do require a lot of work. Our dog is being older and he we're pretty sure he has dementia. And he just starts barking at me like randomly, especially when people are here. Thankfully, he hasn't started barking when I'm on the podcast, but we had this retreat in my house the other day and I was, with a bunch of people and I had to send him to doggie daycare. Cause I'm like, he's just going to bark at us the whole time. That's actually like me barking at Mitch being like, pay attention. He's Better at taking he's definitely more proactive now. Still work in progress. I'd be the first. I mean, that's the day we die. Yeah, absolutely. Everyone's a work in progress, I think. And if you stop working, then something's wrong. Yeah, exactly. Well, then what have been a couple of things you guys have found? And I'd love to see both perspectives of keeping the connection because I think a lot of times in first responder relationships, we as the woman have to be independent a little bit to survive. If you're not independent, it, I think can maybe create a few things, but the caveat is that sometimes we can then become too independent. And it's that whole idea of reintegration and coming back into the family fold and all of the responsibilities. So what. have each of you found helps to keep that connection or even keep that reintegration healthy? I think ultimately, and this is, this might sound too simple, but I think it's just finding the right person. Like we were just best friends and we've always been that way. So We do have crazy busy lives. We do have our own stuff going, but I think it's just finding that time to just be yourselves, goof off when you can even if it's a minute here or there, I feel like we're really, effective at making the most of the time we do have together. And, further to that point is, My wife is just very good. She's she's very complimentary to a firefighter in the sense of she likes her alone time. She likes to read a lot of these things that are great to do and your other half's away on shift. And I think, like we were saying before, it's just making the time to say, Hey, we haven't gone out for dinner in two or three weeks. We need to go do that. But yeah, I think it's just just simple stuff. Just communicating. Honesty has always been at the forefront of our relationship. And just never taking life too seriously. My wife and I, if there was cameras in this house, it would make us cringe to the next level. We would be admitted Yeah, we are too. Weird folks and we definitely come by it honestly, but I think laughter is, one of the best ingredients to a long and happy relationship. And we certainly laugh enough. So that would be my, I know that isn't, revolutionary or shattering, but that would be my kind of take on it. I think that I've gone through a lot of phases with the shift work and how I feel about it. I think that when Mitch was having. A harder time. And I was giving a lot of myself to him that when he had those 24 hours, I was like, finally, Oh my gosh, get out of the house. Give me my 24 hours. I need a bubble bath. I need like girl time. I need to be alone. And now we're circling back to, I'm like, Oh, you're leaving me. Do you have to go to work kind of thing? But still trying to make the most of it. Mitch and I too also spend like a abnormal amount of time together. I have been work from home my entire corporate life. And like I said, his work schedule is that he's working those seven 24 hour shifts within that four week cycle. Most of the time we're in the house together, like day in we also Like Mitch said, I grew up in Toronto. My family's there. My girlfriends are there. So we moved and we're in this town together, the two of us. We don't have a huge community here. We've met some friends. We've had some really close friends move to the area, which has been, you Like, a godsend to me to have, that girlfriend that you can go and have a walk with someone or have a coffee with someone. So we're used to spending a lot of time together. And I think that we have had to come to the realization that just because we're around each other 24 7 doesn't mean that we're actually spending quality time. And I think that it's especially now that he is working on this community and coaching others, that time that we're used to just being accessible to each other all the time has, that window has gotten smaller. So I think it's just making the most of it. And communicating has honestly been our big thing. And I think that we have honestly really improved on that, even I would say. Maybe since April of this year, like in the last few months, like really being able to be like, Hey, I need a little bit more from you. Or Hey, I'm not feeling as connected right now. And we've both really worked on checking our egos too, that when you're saying, Hey, I'm not getting enough from you right now. It's not like, how dare you? Yeah, exactly. It's like, Oh my God, you know what? I have been on my phone a lot today, or I have really been putting a lot of. work into the business or I have been doing this, let's have some time now. Or sorry, babe, tonight's, it's just going to be a write off. We're not going to have a lot of time. What about Thursday? Is Thursday a good day? Let's try and maybe make dinner together. And I think that making the most out of the everyday things too, has been huge for us. Even I said to Mitch, we were, we listened to a podcast that talked about your perfect day to, from the minute you wake up to the second you go to sleep, trying to figure out what your perfect day would be. And especially when Mitch was training for the Ironman, he would wake up, he would grab his coffee, he'd be out the door, he'd be on the bike for five hours. And I would wake up and get out of bed and be like, Okay, I guess I'm having my coffee by myself and I'm gonna walk the dog by myself and I said in my perfect day I was like, I would just like to sit down and have coffee together. So I know Silly being like, Oh yeah, 10 minutes having a coffee together, but it really helps with feeling connected. And then we're like, okay, we got our fix. You go do your thing. I'll go do my thing. But yeah, we have started doing that because then when we added kids to the mix, it gets a little bit crazy. And you just start to live these lives and it's just chaos. And so we started doing what we called couch time, where his first 24 hours or his first shift when he would come home, the first 20 minutes, we would just connect. And it was also helpful for me to then express what we had gone through as the family while he was at work. And then he could talk about, his calls or different things he experienced with some days were nothing and some days were big major things. So that actually gives me an idea for another question is how do you guys handle the hard stuff? Cause oftentimes, and I don't know, I'm sure Canada everywhere in the world has hard things. I'm sure Canada does too. But the hard calls, like there's been some where. The calls have been absolutely terrible. It's you see the worst in humanity and we had to work through what that looked like for our family so that he didn't bottle it up and drink or, whatever it is. So what have you found? And this might even be part of what you coach in your program to help with those really hard ones. Yeah. Like I think if you have that relationship with your significant other, if there's something that's really bugging you you should be able to open up about. I think there's a certain level of like me wanting to, protect her in a sense and not skew her, perception of reality. And I think she can sympathize and be there for me on like an emotional level. But for me, for her to try to talk, me through understanding what I saw, I think is really difficult because she hasn't done that. So I'm really fortunate in the respect that like my father was a firefighter for, almost 30 years. My cousin's a firefighter. I have a lot of really good friends in the job so if I need to talk through something from a traumatic visual kind of standpoint or something that, a person in the field would be able to resonate with a little bit more. I think I have that. I think I'm more rely on my wife for being there emotionally. And just to understand she doesn't need to know the details. She doesn't need to know that the one patient was code five and the other one, we like, she doesn't need to know the details, the ins and outs. She just needs to know Hey, hon, Maybe I'll give her a brief understanding of what it was so she can appreciate the magnitude because we've been together long enough that she knows the difference between oh, that's unfortunate to like, that sounds really bad. And I got to keep my eye on him for the next a couple of weeks to see if it really affects them more than it should. But I think I have a responsibility as well to not and I hate this word, but to burden her with that. Because I don't feel like she would see it that way, but it's does me really going into the specifics. Is that going to allow her to help me anymore or is that just going to make her worry or, so it's tough. I think just having a person there that you just give them the look, like I feel like she, she knows gone are the days of me coming home and having air quotes your bad night. Yeah, but like she knows now if I've had a bad shift or went on a crappy call or had, a long night, she just needs to look at me and just get it. Yeah, I can see the eyes where it's like I slept all night versus I was up all night with like medicals or a lift assist versus like I had a really bad call or like I'm stage five sleep deprived. But I agree. I think that. When we first met to some extent, not that there, that I had a curiosity of what was going on at work or the calls that he would see, but I think I was more willing to be like, yeah, tell me about it. Like completely offload on me. And it's funny, we were even, we were driving home from his half marathon today. And I was saying before I met you, when I was driving, I didn't have a care in the world. I was listening to my music. I was looking around. I had the windows down. I got my hand out, like doing the wave. I'm like having a great time. And now I wouldn't say that I'm an anxious driver, but I am so cautious. The stories that he has told me now I have in the back of my head of Oh, this could happen to me or that could happen to me. And I said that when I drive through his district, that I am even more cautious because especially when he's on shift because I'm like, I am thinking about what if he, what if I was in an accident while he's on shift and he has to come to my call. So I think that we're. Trying to figure out where the boundaries are where, like he said, it's like, how can I get the emotional support I need without sharing the trauma and I don't even know if that's the right way to say it, but I don't need all the details to help him. And I think that learning what that balance is. And I think what my wife's explaining I think that is unavoidable. Yes, based on it's also two different people. Based on your experiences and your relationships and all that kind of stuff, like that is going to paint your version of reality. So because she was fortunate enough to marry a firefighter, like that is naturally how her reality is shifted. Because like you mentioned before, We see like the dark underbelly of humanity and reality and is, although I don't want to just vomit that all over my wife, she's going to understand like, when she's scrolling online and she sees that three were airlifted from this intersection and this intersection, like she's going to stop and read that because she knows that maybe I was affected, maybe people that we know were affected. She has a tie in a relationship or like the, the typical person that has no. Family or friends in the emergency service would just go next and they wouldn't even think twice about it So absolutely, I think it's a a kind of an unfortunate reality of just the way things are You know doesn't make it as naive anymore. Maybe like we can put it. Yes. Our bubble has been bursted. I'm a little bit more aware I don't think that it You know, I'm still separated enough that I don't think it has a huge impact. It's not every time I'm in the, going into the car, I think about the accident that he told me about or whatever, but I'm just aware and maybe a little bit more cautious about it and yeah, we're just learning, I think every day. And I think that we give ourselves that. The patience with ourselves to be able to learn okay, how much should I tell her? And I think that we've also gotten to a point with our communication, where if Mitch is trying to, talk to me about something that he experienced and I say, Hey, you know what? I want to support you in the way that I can, but this is a lot for me to process too. Like maybe I don't need this full story. And I think maybe the other thing too, is knowing that like, how I can moderate my behavior to help him on maybe those days, or even understand that if he's a little bit short with me, I'm not like, Oh, did I do something wrong? I can understand like, okay, I know that he just needs a little bit of extra support right now, rather than taking it personally. Cause I think that was, One thing I really had to learn is that when he came home and he was, even if it wasn't a bad call, if it was just a long night or if it was a bad call, and then he would be short of me, I'd be like, what did I do? And then I would poke the bear being like, I haven't done anything. Why are you treating, whatever it is. It starts the whole cycle. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I think it's like when we talk about me doing the work for making some realizations and starting to go to a class to do journaling and how much came up with that and whatever like there's so many different experiences that we both have had that have allowed us to grow and whether it be emotionally spiritually physically whatever it may be when you choose to do the hard work and Thrive to or decide that you want to, take those steps. It just bleeds into every other aspect of your life. Your relationships are going to get better. Like me being better and me growing as an individual is going to make me a better husband, a better firefighter, a better friend, a better dog owner, a better lawnmower, like everything in your life is going to improve when you do the hard work. So I think we both have done that work and it's just paid dividends so much and so many aspects of our life. Yeah. So cool. And it's a good perspective too. Cause I think sometimes as the wife, we want to know everything and feel like we need to know everything because that's what marriage or relationship or what we have some perceived idea of it is. And there's been a few calls he hasn't wanted to share for the same reason. And then I'm like, but I can handle it. I can handle it. And you realize, oh, maybe I don't need to like, could I? Yes. But do I need to? No. No. And it's the example that I like to use with the newer firefighters. And I would still consider myself as a firefighter of 10 years. I would still consider myself relatively new. 10 years doesn't make you season. There's still a lot that I haven't seen, touched, felt, smelled, whatever. But I tell the new guys. Further to your point, there's going to be a point in your career when you don't have to look. If I don't have to look, I'm not going to now because my cup is only so big. And I'm not going to fill it with stuff that isn't going to benefit, my ability to do my job. So like you said, is could you know? Yeah. Do you need to know? Probably not. Yeah. I think that like you were saying, Christy, I think that sometimes as the wife you want to fix. And I think that I really was used to being in that role. And I think that the work that we've been able to put in that now I know that he doesn't need me to fix it. And I know that if he does need me, then he's going to ask. So I think knowing and having that confidence in each other has really helped to where before I don't think that he would ask, I don't think that he would really. allude to what he needed, where now I'm like, I can understand. And I think that just developing your relationship with someone, you start to know them without the words having to be said. And I think one thing not to get off track, but it just sticks out clearly in my mind. It's been such a big part of My growth as an individual is I think for so long I was trying to fix everything because as a helper like that is my job I come and I help and I fix and I do so whenever I was experiencing trying times, ruminating on helpful things I was trying to fix what is wrong with you why are you thinking this way you shouldn't be like this, you have to stop thinking like that. The more I tried to fix the worst things got for me, the more I just realized that I was perfect as I was, the more I was trying to fix or forget or pretend things didn't happen, the more pain and anguish that was causing me. I think that's so important, in the first responder world is. You can't change or undo any things of the things you've seen. So just like acceptance and learning to live with those things and stop trying to change or fix what is is so helpful. And one of my favorite expressions is it couldn't have been any other way because it wasn't. And I think that's something that I find solace in, especially in this job is as a, as someone who's a perfectionist and overthinker, when I go to a call and it doesn't turn out the way I'd hoped, I think, and I think, and I, what if, but that's not what happens. So playing that game is just going to cause you so much anguish and there's no, no point in doing that. And yeah when. When she said fix, I feel like I just had to mention something because it's one of those things where like less is definitely more and learning to just accept myself, accept her for who she is is so important. And you mentioned something before that we didn't really speak on. And I think this is a good segue to that is you asked what it's like being with someone who's like a high achiever. And for the people listening, I think high achiever can sound arrogant. I don't think high achievers don't think high intensity. Yeah. High achievers don't necessarily think that like they achieve more or better than other people. I think they're just driven to do things. And I think for me speaking, I think. high achieving, achieving recognition is also part of some weird, coping mechanism of, wanting to be seen and heard because of, maybe some things that have happened in my past. And I think the thing that's nice is My, I used to want that for my wife. I wanted her to like, Hey honey, I'm waking up. I'm running 10 kilometers before I work. You should be doing that. Why don't you want to do more? The more I've realized is if I was with someone who is exactly like me. I would be in a bad way. Terrible. She compliments me so well because if I had the person that maybe at times I wish was waking up and running 10 kilometers with me and working out and work work, I don't think this would, have worked out as, as well as it could. So me learning to not try to fix our relationship or change or fix her has been so big because like She's perfect for me just as she is. And I think that's why we were drawn together because it's like that yin and yang and we balance each other out. Very, very good. Or she balanced me out. I always joke around when people ask me to describe Mitch and I, and the kind of guy that if he's has to call the bank, this actually prime example, we're driving the coast in California. I'm like, Wow, the coast is so beautiful. Look at the water. Look at this cliff. I'm like, so in the moment, and Mitch is Hey, can you call the bank for me? And what? So he is the guy that's as soon as it comes to his mind, he has me in the passenger seat. You like Googling the bank, the right bank number, figuring everything out where I would be like, I'll do it in five minutes. So that's how we are. And I think that it balances each other out. Cause sometimes he's okay, I have to do this right this second. And I'm like, do it in five minutes, man. Come on. But then sometimes I need him because sometimes my five minutes really turns into two days, which turns into a week. And then two weeks later, I'm like, crap. I never texted my sister back. So I think that we really, like I said, we really do balance. each other out. That's awesome. Okay. I have one more question and then we'll go into something funny and then we'll be done. But so for the people that are experiencing the hard right now, or they were the, you like seven, 10 years ago, what would your advice be? And then I'd also love to hear what your advice would be. And one approach, if you're the wife to approach the husband or partner or whatever the relationship is to approach the husband who is having a hard time. And then what would the advice be Mitch to you to give the husband or the man or whoever the other partner is? For sure. I think that's a loaded question because there's a lot going on there and I think, people struggle for many reasons, whether it be something traumatic they saw at work, whether they've let their health slip, whether they're drinking too much, whether dealing with chronic pain, whatever it may be, there's so many layers to it. But one thing that I will say about my personal experience is to the person out there that's going through that, I understand what you're going through. I know how hard it is. I know how much work and how exhausted you are because just getting To the next day just getting through the day just trying to be present just To try to just to be and be there for the people you love can just feel like such a task But if you're willing to put the work in and i'm not going to sugarcoat it. It is work. It is constant work It's never going to stop There's one video that I love that I have saved in my phone is if you think that you're going to get to this Point of ecstasy where you're never going to have pain and anguish and sorrow and confusion in your life You That's never going to happen because that is what being a human is all about. And the funny thing is we need to experience all those things in order to experience joy and bliss and love. Like we need to experience that full spectrum of emotion. So for the individual out there, I know how extremely tough it is. If you want it bad enough for yourself. For your family, for your wife, you're going to put the work in. And if you decide to do that, and that's the big F you can lead a horse to water, but whether, they drink or not is another question. But if you decide to put the work in, you're going to look back at this time in your life, and you are going to be so extremely grateful for it because it has made you the person you are today. I would not be here, professionally as a firefighter, I would not be here, emotionally as an individual, I would not be achieving the things I'm achieving. I would not love my wife as hard as I love her. I would not, have so many things in my life if it wasn't for all the pain that I had gone through. And I think pain is such a gift because it gives you context and, it's such a great teacher. So I think that would be my question or what I would say to them is. I get it. I know it's hard. It's not going to happen overnight. But again, you make these incremental shifts day after day 1 percent better. It's literally plastered on my gym wall is better than yesterday because It's not going to happen overnight, but if you get 0. 001 percent better the next day, after 365 days, after five years, that stuff's going to compound and you are going to live a life and be a person that you never even wished was possible. And that's the thing. It's not getting back to not life, not being hard and suffering. That shouldn't be the status quo. And that's what I tell my clients is I don't want you to survive. I want you to thrive and. That might sound cheesy or cliche, but I have superseded the person I was a thousand fold, and I'm not even exaggerating. They say when true healing has occurred, when you can look back on the most trying times in your life with appreciation and gratitude, that's when, true healing has occurred. I could rant about this or you can tell I'm passionate about because this has honestly become my life work. It's what you do. Yeah, I'm gonna stop talking I'm gonna let my my beautiful wife say what she would say to the wife. Yeah, I think that that's the reoccurring theme. Is like the communication and the ego like leaving the ego at the door and learning truly how to communicate with one another. I think the other thing that I would love to say is like speaking. Figure out what kind of support works for you in your relationship. I think if I had to do this all over again, I wouldn't like, there's no doubt in my mind that I would not go and be that same support person and be there the same way I'm ready to give. Even if he only had 1 percent to give and I had 99 or if he had zero, I would give a hundred. Don't forget about yourself. I think I neglected myself for a long time and not that I resented him for that. But I think that adds a layer that you're not fully able to be present to support someone else if you're not also supporting yourself. I think taking the time, do whatever it is that is going to recharge your battery. And I think that taking a step away from maybe the person that you're supporting or whatever it is, is the most important thing that you can do is not forgetting your, yourself and not neglecting yourself in those moments. And I think that as we started to learn that, I was not only able to support him better, but then was happier and felt more fulfilled in the relationship too, even still being that support person. And one thing I would say to the wife, I know here I am stepping on toes. I wasn't even asked to talk to the wife and here I am talking to the wife. You can't, you're allowed yappers if you couldn't tell. For sure. I would just say that again, this is a season of life and I know how difficult it is for, cause retrospectively talking with her, I know how hard it was for her. But one thing I would mention to the wife is, your partner, they need you that bad in that time. Thank, thankfully, she was there for me. And that's exactly what I needed. And I'm so grateful for her being there. And I know how hard it can be, but they need you in that time. So just be patient. And hopefully it's just a season. Hopefully they make the realizations that, I did, but Man, am I ever grateful for my wife and what we mentioned before is it's so hard to see in a time, but there is so much to be gained from that experience. So just hang in there. It feels like a blip in the past. I know for Mitch, it probably feels a little different, but in the moment I was like, no doubts. Yep. This is just what we got to do. This is just what life is like right now. And I think I had the full confidence knowing him. And I don't think that this is the right way to say, but he was going to solve that problem. Not that it was a problem to solve, but I knew that he was going to put in the work necessary which made it a little bit easier for me to support him, like seeing how hard He was working, our Amazon bill, all the books that were coming to our door, like the documentaries that he was watching, like when I say that he was putting in the work, like he really truly was, and I think that made it easy to be like, yep, let's like, let's go all in together. And now looking back, I'm like, that was like nothing we got. We got anything that's coming for us. But in the moment, I think it feels a lot harder and just maybe having that perspective that this too shall pass. There will be an end, there will be, the next thing. And it's probably going to be even better. Like when I don't know, four years ago, I can never imagine that our relationship would be the way that it is now. I'm, I'm just so, so grateful that we've gotten to where we are and that, like Michele said, better every day. Yes. So it's seeing that it's a season and like they're not staying there, but then also probably recognizing those teeny tiny things like you saw the books coming or you saw the little effort. And so sometimes we can want something to change so quickly. That we can get frustrated. Like I was talking with my husband about this the other day. It's anytime that I get really frustrated or irritated at the kids or him, it's when my reality and expectations are different. And so it's like, when we can just put our reality here and that we don't need it to be, 10 feet up higher here, it's like, let's just celebrate that little itty bitty percent change. And when we can put that as our perspective, it can make a big difference. Absolutely. That's awesome. Okay. Now we'll talk about something funny and then we'll wrap it up with rapid fire. So since you guys are goofy, as you said, then what has either, you could answer this a couple ways. If you play pranks on each other, cause I know the fire station are a big deal. Yeah. They pranks on each other. What has been the best one? Or, it could be what has been like the most, in quotes, Murphy Law thing that has happened on shift. Or you can answer both. I wish that I could be like, oh yeah, we did this like really funny prank, something like a normal silly person would do, but we, I think are just like off the charts. We just are like making up random songs, singing them all day. I don't even know what we're doing. It's just essentially anything to get a laugh out of each other and then if I get one laugh from Mitch, I can't stop. If I get him going on one thing that makes him laugh, I'm going into the next universe. I'm keeping it going. I'm like rolling with whatever. And then to the point that he's okay, the joke is done. The bit is over. Think I can't even think of like a specific example. Yeah, we'll occasionally see that. hide behind a door and scare one another. That seems to be a popular one and I think I would punch him in the throat if he is. Yeah, I actually there's a guy that worked with the department I worked with that his crew scared him so much that his hair started falling out. That's like a sidenote, but I think what we are is Because I think we're a bit eccentric and a bit dorky and weird is our great art. The thing that gives us the most pleasure and the most laughter is just laughing at one another. And I'll use today as an example, again, because my lens has been distorted because of my job. And I always assume worst case scenario. And my wife is driving today. And she just got a new SUV. So she loves very, different setup to the back seat though. I've always drove driven pickup trucks. So we usually have the back seats back. up and my dog's bed goes in there. So he's very safe in his kind of, little area there, but with an SUV, because the seats don't fold down the same, what he's been doing is he's been laying across the bench seat in the back. So he's a lot higher in the vehicle. And when the window's down in my mind, there's a potential for him to jump out of the window. So we're driving, this happened twice, we're driving, I look back and my dog's not there, because he's directly behind my seat, and my heart, and I immediately, oh my god, and then I look, and he's there, and that happened again today, and I, the last time I saw his tail about, millisecond after I had realized, so my reaction wasn't that much. But this time I look back, I didn't see anything and I was convinced my dog had jumped out of the window. And I'm like, I'm looking like to my side, I see Mitch and our dog is just right beside him having the biggest smile. And after that after I realized that my dog hadn't propelled himself out of the window, we were both just, In hysterics because we have this ability to laugh at any stupid thing. And then what was the second part of the question? Oh, so has there been like a Murphy's law kind of shift experience where something hysterical or ironic or any of that things happened at home while you were on shift. The only thing I can think of recently that is ironic because of the nature of my work and just speaks to the So I'm going to be talking about the laid back nature, the laissez faire nature of my wife is I came home the other day and every time I come home I go in through the garage because that way she can keep all the doors locked. So naturally I came home into the garage and was immediately punched in the face with the smell of natural gas. So that little rotten egg smell was very strong in my garage. So I opened the fire door, the separation door between my house, my garage and my house. Reeks and for the firefighters out there, you know the difference between like major gas leak and just like that, that, that chemical is very, very pungent. I think like you can smell it in the parts per billion, not even parts per million, but it was bad. So I go in my lovely wife dead asleep, like upstairs with the alarms going off. Nope. Nope. My wife left the burner on. not lit overnight. Thankfully, it was on summer, but I get in here and I'm now afraid to turn on any switches or anything like it's that bad. So I yell up and I say, get dressed. We need to get out of the house. Now. Like being kidnapped. I'm 30 years old. I'm afraid of being kidnapped. I know it's ridiculous. But he comes into the house barges through he's Get out of the house. So I'm like, It's like the firefighter voice. From Slumber and I like sleep like a dead person. So I'm like probably still in REM sleep. He's like, get out of the house. I'm like what's happening? This is it. This is my murder. Like it's all happening. And then he's like, Mark, it says my name, Marky get out of the house. What are you doing? And I've got, all my little PJs. I'm like, I can't be outside with these on. So then I'm like, Getting dressed. I'm putting a pair of sweat pants. He's like, get out of the house. But I couldn't smell like the smell stayed on our main floor. Okay. Wasn't I couldn't smell anything upstairs. And then I walking down and it hits me and I'm like, Whoa, what's going on? So this is something that I'm sure firefighters out there can resonate with that if I was. normal person, I would have probably called the fire department. So they meter my house to make sure that it wasn't going to explode. But because the last thing a firefighter wants to do is call the firefighter ambulance to their house. Like I would rather drive myself to the hospital with a leg missing than call an ambulance. I didn't. So the only time I think I'm calling my calling the fire department is on fire. Yes. Even then it might take you a minute. Yeah. Yeah. If I can't put it out the garden hose, then the fire department might get called. But yeah, that was definitely like, just came home from 24 hours of going to fire calls. And immediately when I step in through my front door, I'm like, she's dead. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But I, that's the only thing I can really think of. I'm sure there's stuff that would probably come to mind if he sat. We're gonna be thinking about it now the rest of the day. But yeah, that, that's mine. The other one, when we first got our dog, this is ridiculous, but the 24 hour shifts, a puppy, I'm like at my wit's end. This is even a baby, but a dog, he's biting me all day. So I put him out in the backyard for 20 minutes. And then when I go to get him, the back gate is open. So I didn't have a car at the time. So then I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's rush hour. We live in a small town. There's no rush hour. It's rush hour. Our dog is like going to be road kills. Worst case scenario. I run over to my, our neighbor's house across the street. I'm like, Sean, can you get, In your car, I need you to go find Joey. I'm going to go this way. You go the other way. I called Mitch bawling my eyes out. We walked down the street. He's literally pitter pattering down the street, going up to every house, checking it out, walking back down. But Mitch calls me like. I think it's gonna be fine but like hysterics I called him. And I think that's the difference between yes as a first responder as a firefighter you assume the worst but when bad things happen you just go into game mode and you're like cool calm collected where I was like I heard that and I'm like honey relax I'm sure he's two doors down. She's already blubbering. Yeah, he's dead! Over. And sure enough, he was literally two doors down sniffing at the front door of our neighbor's house. But. Ridiculous. Again, yin and yang, for sure. Yes, absolutely. We're going to end with rapid fire questions, but this has been absolutely amazing. So much good content, for sure. So both of you answer what is your favorite way to drink coffee if you drink coffee? Like a nice latte or cappuccino. I'm, I drink a lot of dirt water at work that. Yes. Oh, sorry. Cappuccino or latte because I drink a lot of shitty drip coffee. Cortado. There you go. Refuse to drink drip coffee. I will only drink an espresso based drink. So I think my would be cortado. For the people out there, Cortado is basically a little milk in it. My bougie wife is straight. I'm lactose intolerant. I can only have so much milk. Do you not use any of the other like non dairy things like the coconut? Well, yeah, that's true. I've started drinking Americano. So it's just water with the espresso. Yeah, fun fact. Fun fact. Do you know why it's called an Americano? No, I have no idea. It was during the war when the Americans were in Italy. I believe. They didn't like the espresso. Its too strong. So what the Americans would ask the Italian down to do is water it down and the Americano and. Like you said, your geography is not great. My history is not great. I know we don't know what war at what time, but we just know it was a war and an Italy. I know that it's something like that. The Americans wanted their Expresso watered down and hence the Americana was born. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. Beach or mountains? Mountains. Oh, that's good that it's the same. That would be a problem if it's not. Who of you is messier? Her, a thousand percent. Oh, they're both pointing to each other. Mitch is, thinks that he's tidy, but he just piles everything. So it's not actually clean. It's organized. It's just piled up in a corner. Yeah. So let me put my wife's. She will have the pantry color coded labeled package, but then you'll go into her office and there will be dishes that are five days old, there'll be rotting food, there'll be clothes everywhere. I, on the other hand, I will throw things into the pantry. But I will sweep the floor, I will, so I'm tidy. If you don't look too close, it's very clean. No it's very tidy. It's never clean with him. With me, it's like meticulously clean in one corner and then the rest is like a bomb went off. I don't know, I'll, I guess I'll take the messy. Yeah, by square footage, my wife is messier. By square footage. Yeah, we will have like our house. I'll keep clean. But my car is a disaster yeah, it's so bad. It was actually a dump dumpster. I think it needed to be set on fire. It's like the new training prop at two stations. No, but I've kept the, I've kept the new one clean. I've only had it for two weeks, but it's still has the new car smell. So, uh, I know, I think I lasted a solid month. With when my car was new and now it's you could probably feed a family out of okay early morning or late night early morning Oh good. They both answer. This is good. And then this one may not be as rapid fire But I love to end on this question. What is the best advice you have ever been given related to fire or not related to fire? Oh, man, you go first. I gotta think about this one. I think that The best advice that maybe I didn't realize at the time. My mom always used to say, there's always going to be someone smarter than you, faster than you, prettier than you, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter. You just have to focus on yourself and be the best version of you that you're happy with. And I think that what she was really trying to say is just don't compare yourself to other people. Don't worry what they think about you. Just be true to yourself. Cause that's good enough. Yeah, I think I'm happy you mentioned about the moms because I know my mom is definitely going to be listening to this and she's really going to appreciate this and it's the first thing that came to my mind. And I think based on everything we talked about today, this is really good advice is what my mom always used to say is not every day is good, but there's good in every day. And I think that is very true. And I try to, Approach that even when you've had a bad day, and even if you've had a bad day, and there's nothing good that you can take from it, the fact that you navigated that bad day and made it to tomorrow is a good thing. I was like that. And there's gonna be a lot of good days to my mom and I's first dance song at my wedding was a good thing. Days like this by Van Morrison. And yeah, there's going to be some tough days, it's not always raining and there's going to be some really good days too. So yeah, there's not every day is going to be good, but there's good in every day, I think is great advice. That's great advice. Good job. Moms. Yeah. Well, yeah, these are the mom's advice. Yeah. I know everything, but we probably wouldn't admit them that to them. Well, and now they know. Well, based on how my mother now tries to tell me how to run my social media page as someone who didn't know what Instagram was three years ago. Yeah. She definitely seems to pretend like she knows everything, but I don't know if she does or not. I think your Instagram page seems to be doing pretty good. Yeah it's doing something, which is, it is funny that when Mitch started the Instagram page, it was really just like a way to get the word out about his training. Almost to make it be like, no, I, this really is a business. It's not just like some random guy on the internet. This is me. This is what I'm about. And the fact that the community has grown to what it is. I think that we always laugh about like when his post used to get 21 likes, we'd be like, Did you see 21 people like that? That's crazy. And now the way that it has grown, I think has surpassed what any of us even thought was possible. And I think that it is. So special. Yeah, and I think to make a point of that is to anyone out there, and this is a prime example of just incremental changes every day is, there was so long where like I was out on this platform and I was sharing all these things that are really hard, like talking about your struggle and stuff is difficult. And it didn't seem like anyone cared, I just kept with it. And then to see the connections and the people I've been able to help and the DMS I get of I've been sober for two years because of, the post I saw, or this and that Just keep on hammering if you if it's something you really want and you have something to say Just keep going because if the universe wants it to be it will be it's been it's been cool and I can't wait to continue to meet lovely people like you and have these conversations and continue just to spread positivity spread hope and really empower people to live happy healthy lives I'll make sure I include this in the show notes and they can find you. And then do you have a website or do they go to Instagram to find you? Yeah. Instagram, Instagram, or Facebook is probably the best bet. I just started the whole tech talk thing. And I haven't done that yet. I just can't get behind it. TikTok is a different animal. Like it's a different crowd. And our millennial is showing when we're on TikTok, we're not. Cool Gen Z. Yeah, instagram is for sure been my focus. This has been. Such a blast to have this conversation with both of you to get to know. Really the reason. Behind this beautiful platform and community that you have created with everyday heroes. And I'm so excited that all of these people listening get to. Experience and get to learn from both of you. So thank. You for spending your time with us. And everybody listening. Thank you. For. You know, hanging in there a little bit longer. I hope that. This added. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. 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