Mom Rage Unplugged: Real Talk with Firefighter Wife Rachael

Just a Girl and Her Firefighter: Navigating Love, Challenges, and Community

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter,' host Kristi Hilmer, together with guest Rachael and other speakers, explores the multifaceted experiences of being married to a firefighter. Topics include managing unpredictable schedules, coping with 'mom rage,' and the importance of accepting help from family and the community. The discussion offers practical strategies for balancing family life, addressing the emotional complexities of default parenting, and highlighting the necessity of self-care and mental health awareness. The episode also underscores the power of positive thought work, forming a supportive fire family, and the joys and sorrows of this unique lifestyle. Personal anecdotes reveal the resilience required and emphasize connecting with a broader community through social media. The hosts ultimately reflect on the enriching experiences made possible through online interactions and invite listeners to join their FireWife community, subscribe, share, and stay engaged in their journey.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

00:59 Meet Rachel: Life Coach and Firefighter's Wife

02:09 Rachel's Family and Firefighter Journey

04:24 Challenges of Firefighter Schedules

05:34 Managing Emotions and Seeking Support

06:42 The Importance of Thought Work

07:59 Balancing Family Life and Firefighter Duties

09:09 The Role of Community and Support Systems

16:08 The Default Parent Debate

20:56 Surprises and Joys of Firefighter Life

25:06 Understanding Mom Rage

25:55 Personal Stories of Struggle

26:51 The Importance of Seeking Help

28:35 Managing Thoughts and Emotions

29:40 Firehouse Pranks and Family Life

31:22 Murphy's Law and Parenting Challenges

36:42 Reflections on the Firefighter Lifestyle

39:25 Rapid Fire Questions and Closing Thoughts

You can find Rachael at https://www.instagram.com/rachaelchoate_?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

Join our Community- The FireWife Community on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/firstresponderwife/

Find me on IG
https://www.instagram.com/our.firstresponder.life/

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that just happen? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. I am thrilled today to be getting to sit down with my new friend, Rachel. And the funny story is that Yazzie, who was on a few weeks ago, she was like, you need to meet my friend, Rachel. Where she actually was connected through Instagram, and she shared that story on the podcast of how you guys met, and totally random, same fire station who knew? Such a small world. She was so kind and connected us, and I feel like we'd be real life friends. So, here we are. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your family and maybe how you met your firefighter, what your family looks like just really anything you want to share about your story. All right. I'm Rachel. I'm a life coach for moms of littles, generally like teens, under teens usually the little years, but I am more focused right now on helping moms with their. anger, the mom rage that bubbles up, that we just feel comes out of nowhere, or we feel like we've been struggling for like way too long with, or just, it's that like low level feeling of just irritation. But my firefighter and I, going back to that story, I'll get More how we got into that, but my firefighter and I actually met at work lifeguarding. He, I, like the moment I saw him, I was like, Oh my goodness. He is a good looking man. And at the young age of 18 and 20. And then we he ended up being my boss. And so we did not date until the end of the summer and then we ended up starting dating two weeks before the summer started. And I actually went to college and we dated all throughout college. He was not a firefighter then, but he wanted to be a firefighter. He always made it clear that he wanted to be a firefighter. So he did like the EMT thing for a while when we were dating and then he moved into cause he always wanted to be a part of LA County fire. That was his dream. So he ended up getting into the wildland department, the fire suppression aid side of that first. And he. got in I think like a couple months before our wedding and actually the day before our wedding he was out on a fire. Oh my gosh. So we didn't even know if he was going to make it to our wedding and he ended up being able to get there like I think the night before. We were like Thank goodness. He ended up being able to get to the reception dinner. Thank goodness. And then we got married and two years after that, he moved into the municipal, the stations. And so that was 2016. 17, 2017. And then we've been there ever since. We've been and then we have three kids. We have a four year old, a three year old, and a one year old. So at one point we had three kids, three and under. That's a lot. I had three kids, five and under, and that felt like a lot. Yeah. Three and under. It does. It does feel like a lot. And there's like absolutely no comparison. And also To be completely transparent, I do have quite a bit of support around me. So it's not like we're, I'm just solo mommying it and just handling it amazingly. No, that's not the case here. That's incredible. So is wildfire or wild land? Is that seasonal where you guys are, or is that? No, it was full time for this position. It was full time. And so he would go do it was like an eight to five shift schedule. It was interesting. And then he moved into, we have the Kelly schedule. I don't know what kind of schedule your husband's on, but we have the Kelly schedule and it's just here, there and everywhere. It's terrible. It's terrible. We had that schedule when our kids were little too. I don't know why that seems to be a theme when kids are little, they all have the Kelly schedule and it's the worst one. It should be, it should be so weird. My the, my, the funniest thing is when people ask me like, Oh, so what's his schedule. And I say Oh, he has a shift schedule. And they're like, but what does that look like? And like, well, One on, one off, one on, one off, or two off, one on, one off, one on, and they're like so lost at that point. And I'm like, I know, but it's actually never like that because then he has overtime or he gets recalled. So it's never actually guaranteed. Yes. And then it'll change and then they bid and something different. Yes. Yeah. It's very hard to explain. Yes, it very much is, which goes into exactly what like the whole rage thing. I've been talking to a lot more fire wives lately about that. And one of the things that's been coming up a lot for them, and I mean, gosh, for me too, in years past is like the frustration that comes with not having a reliable and predictable schedule, like looking at your friend that has her nine to five husband. And she's Oh, and I just felt so tired this time, this night at bedtime. So I just relaxed and he took over and it's like, Oh my goodness on shift nights. I have no choice. It's me, no guarantee that they will be able to make it to birthday celebrations or ceremonies or a friend's dinner party that they're hosting, whatever it is. It's that frustration of Oh, I'm missing out. Yes. So then tell us a little bit, because that leads great into the next segment of the show. What have you done or found to help alleviate that? So all of the things that I've learned, I now teach. And the biggest one that I have learned is just the thought work that it was this Big aha moment when someone taught me that your thoughts are controlling your feelings and your feelings are controlling the way that you act, the way that you respond, the way that you show up in the world, the way that you try to connect with others, the way that you speak up for yourself, like everything. It's all by your thoughts. And so many of the things that we think are facts in the world are actually just facts. They're up for debate. They're up for deciding something different. And so that in itself has just opened worlds of. Like opportunities for me to feel better and not feel so resentful and rageful. And for example, my husband, he he was working yesterday on his usual shift and then he had today off and then he had two days on in the next two days. So we were going to do one on, one off, two days on. And then I think one or two off. But then he got recalled and forced hired for today. So now he's on four days in a row. And when he called to tell me that. I, for sure, was like, uh, are you kidding me? Like, seriously? Now it's four days in a row? But knowing what I know, that my thoughts are controlling my feelings are creating my actions, and that your feelings aren't a bad thing, it's not that I'm trying to always be Pollyanna, happy go lucky all the time ugh, toxic positivity. We don't need to do that route. Like, seriously? But it is a matter of okay, do I want to stay in this state? Do I want to stay like so frustrated and upset by this and victimized by his schedule? Or am I willing to see it a different way? Am I willing and open to think a different thought to get to a different feeling? This is a bummer and I can handle it. This is a huge disappointment, and I wonder how I can I don't know, rest a little bit more to change the demands that I have on myself, now that I know that I'm going on four days in a row, instead of oh, I only have one day, I have enough energy for one day, like, how can I take a step back? back. How can I pull in more support? So like my mother in law and father in law came over and are spending time with my kids more and I'm not like trying to push myself as much as I usually would and goodness gracious it makes all the world of a difference. It totally does. I talked to people a lot about this. It's like that idea of flipping the script and really like switching what the thought is and then also Utilizing help because it's one of those things we didn't have family in the same state. And so we didn't have family support, but I had learned to build this community around us that was not even really in the fire service. And sometimes I would get in my head of oh my gosh, they feel, they must feel like I'm using them or they must feel this way. In reality, it was not that we just have decided in our culture that we don't and shouldn't take help. Yeah, I think that's a mistake because you rob. Yes, you rob the other person of the blessing of helping and then also think about grandparents like your kids get to see their grandparents or they get to have these other adult relationships. And as my kids are getting older and into the teen years, seeing some of my best friends like pour into my kids is such a blessing. And of course they listen better. Isn't that always the case? But that's awesome. And that's so cool that you're doing this when they're so little. And then teaching people how to really focus on this. Yes. Yes. And it's I want to shout from the rooftops, like if I can do it you can too, which I know that I have support. So I'm not trying to like look at any mom who doesn't have support and be like, suck it up buttercup. Let's get going on your mindset. Absolutely not. Like your world is different. You have to make those different fine tunements to your world to support yourself, whatever that looks like. Looks like to you? And like I'm always in support of getting this support that you need, the help that you need, the encouragement, the appreciation that you need. Whatever you need. It's just a matter of like, how do you go about, well, first. Believing that you're worthy of it and to advocating, learning how to advocate for yourself, learning how to set those boundaries that you need to set with either other people or with yourself, to be honest, cause I don't know about you, but I, I do a good doom scroll at night sometimes. And I've got to set that boundary for myself. I had, there was a season I had to charge it in the bathroom so that it would just be in another room and it wasn't by me and yeah, broke the habit. Yeah. For that season. But yes, and then that gets into the whole other can of worms. So comparison and This is what this family looks like. I'm like, this is just terrible. Like what, what are we doing? Yes. And it's so easy to think to have someone say comparison is the thief of joy. And of course, like you mentally get that, but it's so easy for your brain to go there. And I just want to offer that if anyone's listening to this and they're like, Oh, I compare a lot. Yes, obviously like your brain is wired to do that. Your brain is wired to compare. Continuously look for any threat to your existence. And if you are looking at someone else and saying, Oh, their life is easier, better, simpler, more fun. If it has any kind of threat to your body of we're doing something wrong, your brain is wired to pick up on that. So that's why it's so important to be the boss of your own brain. And when you have that comparison pop up, no judgment of yourself of Oh, I shouldn't be comparing. It's Oh, I see you brain. You there you are. You're doing that thing. It's okay. We're safe. We're okay here. They can have their thing and do really well on their, and I can do my thing and do really well with mine. What am I really good at? What do we have that's going on really well in our family? And what's like the whole comparison of the nine to five. I was stuck in the spiral of like convinced that my husband's job was making my life worse. No one could convince me otherwise. And it took so much more effort. On my part to see it differently and I did not start from a positive. I just love this life that like did not work for me instead I had to go to a neutral place of he has his shift. He has his days and some days he's here and some days he's not and we get to side decide what to think about that and what to feel about that and that felt way more empowering than being like the victim to his schedule. Yes. Is that. It's just a terrible way to live. It's no fun. It is. It was horrible. It was horrible and sad and it caused so many fights and my husband felt so unappreciated as well as like, how was he even supposed to respond to that? Me saying that hit the thing that he loves most for his career, the thing that lights him up and gives him that purpose other than his amazing family. I mean like, right. Other than that, like his wife is just poo pooing on. I would be so like disap, disheartened if that was the case for me. So I looking back, I'm like, Oh man, the guy like really went through it with me given all that all that disappointment with his life. Right. Absolutely. And they do such a, an amazing job. work, I had to really switch it to be like, we can take part of it and it can be really amazing. And, realizing that what we do at home with maybe it's balancing the schedule and working our own jobs or, whatever it is. That what we do is just as important and a part of what they do. Yes. And that's another thing that I've been in the DMs with about when on my Instagram pages, like that, Oh, like saddening, hard feeling of he's the hero. And I'm just at home or like he's the hero so he needs to make sure that he gets his naps and I just have to hold it all together and I shouldn't be emotional or I shouldn't dump on him while he's at work because he needs to be left alone because he's the hero which I mean there is some like goodness to all of that being mindful of your spouse's work life and obviously you would want the same respect to you but Telling yourself that you are not as important or not as valuable, not as needing of Sleep, rest, connection, play, fun, friendship, whatever it is that you're needing in your life that's just going to set you back, which, I'm not, I don't mean to go into the shamey area, but honestly, it sets the family back, because your family benefits so much when they have a fulfilled mom who is connected and feeling good. Then she can like it's a saying that everyone says you can't pour from an empty cup. And it's so overused, but it's so true. A hundred percent. And it's such a, like this word gets thrown around all the time of default parent. And I don't love this word, but it's what they say. Okay. Tell me more about that. The why I don't love it. I think it's because my view is he is just as much of a parent. I just may be the one that's present a little bit more often. And so I think it devalues their role in it. And I understand the vernacular of we have to come up with some way. Of why, or how to explain, because I think that's the hardest thing for us, is to explain what it is we go through, the mental load of everything, and this is anyone, no matter who they're married to, of everything we have to keep in our brains, and schedule, and sports, and all the different things that has just been, I just always have noticed in my body when people say this, but I think that that's where it comes from is because I feel it devalues their role in it. And back to the being, fulfilled, we can come up with other ways to have that fulfillment. And it might be a side job. It might be a hobby. It might be creating like a supper club with your neighborhood friends. Like I get so much joy from creating friendships that are so authentic and real. That, that then fill me up to then pour to the kids. So yes, I'm going to go for the day. No, I appreciate it because I want to actually go back to, Ooh, sorry. That's actually my husband calling. I know he's called me sometimes in the middle and I'll now I'll put him. Do not disturb, but then he can pump through, do not disturb, the favorites. Okay. So that's exactly my situation. I have mine on do not disturb right now, but I have him, I don't know how I set it up, but years ago I set it up to where no matter what, he's always able to push through in case of emergency. Like these are the things that firewives don't talk about enough. Like we have to think. I don't know what the reason is for you did it, why you do it. But I know for me years ago when I set it up, it was worst case scenario in my head. Like, I wanna make sure that if he is calling me to say, I love you for the last time I'm there. Yeah. I like that is such a scary thought, but Mm-Hmm. But it would be harder to live with if it was like I never, oh, I was recording a podcast and put you on do not disturb and that was the last time I could have talked to you. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. We get each other. Yes. Okay. So back to that default parent thing. I want to pinpoint or highlight, I should say, a couple of things that you said. First of all, the default parent thing, I also, I don't love it, but again, it's like one of those things that you have to describe and I don't love it for the same reasons that you don't love it, which is it just makes it feel, it's like speaking something over yourself. Yes. And then all of a sudden you're. Always. Okay. I'm going to get a little, little neuroscience nerdy with you. That's my background is the brain. I did neuro nursing for 12 years. Oh my gosh. You and I love you. Okay. I did a bunch of neuroscience. Classes in school love it so much. So the part of the brain, the reticular activating system is constantly looking for things that you deem important. And so when you have the word default parent, and I know I'm talking to you, but you already know this. When you have the word default parent, you're constantly going to look in your life about how you are the default parent. And if that lights you up and makes you feel so good about yourself, because the everyone loves you so much and you're so glad to have that position. Go for it. Keep that thought, but if it makes you. And this is what I teach in my course, learning your um, uh's and your um, uh's, and your body will tell you. You said, my body like twitches. It gave that um, uh, no, I don't like that. I don't like that at all. Listening to that and then saying, okay, what is this bringing up for me? This is bringing up that I don't enjoy this term. I don't enjoy thinking of it this way. And then you get the opportunity to decide something else. Like you have decided that we are both equal partners. I'm just present in the home more. That is, there you go. There we go. We explained my Twitch. I'm just kidding. Twitch is valid. There we go. Awesome. Okay. We've talked a little bit about what you've struggled with and how you overcame it and then created like a profession from that, which is pretty cool and legit. But what has surprised you the most in regards to being in the fire service? Has there been something that has surprised you that you're like, I did not expect this or I didn't think it was going to be this way. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Okay, so a couple things come to mind. I was just having a talk with someone last night and they and I both agreed that there was this impression that we both had that there would be a much more connected fire family feeling. Mm hmm. I don't know how it is in every station or every fire department, but we don't have that in ours as much. Maybe for other departments they have that, but we don't have it quite as much. But like you said, it's like going and finding your own, your own family, which is just crazy that Yazzie and I were ended up meeting online. And then we created our own little friendship and our own little village and our community and fire family. But So there's that. I didn't, I didn't realize how, how do I say this? I'll go back to something I saw. I believe it was on one of your posts and you said it so well, I believe it was you. I'm going to be really embarrassed if it wasn't, something about the, like who got less sleep argument in the newborn phase. I didn't expect that to be such a prevalent, like thing of like tip for tat almost okay, well, I got no sleep because I have a newborn, but you got no sleep because you were on calls all night. Right. Who, who like gets sleep around here? How do we handle that? And like, how do we not grow super resentful of each other and really upset? And we're both very sleep deprived. How do we figure that out? That was hard. What I also was surprised about is How incredibly amazing it is in so many ways, where it's so fun for my kids to grow up in the fire station and I mean, they're not literally in there, but yeah visiting, but like being able to say Daddy is a firefighter and like them connecting that I didn't realize because he went paramedic for a number of years. I didn't like. What surprised me is how cool it is being like our neighborhood go to person for like big medical issues that people have and they end up, we've had calls at like nine at night saying, Hey, you know, my father in law is not doing well. Can you check his O2 stats? And he's been sent out down the street to go check oxygen stats. So that's really cool. And then another one is it's, I have, I now firmly love the schedule because I love how we can just say, Yeah next Friday or next Thursday, we want to go to the zoo. And while my kids are little, we don't have to pull them out of school. We don't have to take them my husband doesn't have to take a day off and use his vacation hours. We can just go and it's not crowded. It's not crowded. We can go to Costco, not on a weekend, and it's not super crowded. And it's just. Yes, he's not there for every bedtime, but when he is there, he's there all day, which I know that for every fire person, fire firefighter, it's not the case for every shift of theirs. Sometimes people work like 12 hours or 24 hours or weeks on end, like our Cal fire friends, but it just. You find the goodness where you can. Absolutely. And I've even seen there's some families that will homeschool and travel or that way they can do school when dad's at work and then they get to go do things or they'll stack their shifts. There's all sorts of creative. Things. What would you tell somebody listening that maybe you haven't already said or just reiterate because you've given so much good kind of wisdom and insight into what you wish you would have known. But is there anything else that you were like, I wish somebody had told me this? Yeah, some Oh my God, so much. I'm going to go back to what I teach in, which is like the whole mom rage, which is funny because for the same reasons that you don't love default parent, I'm not obsessed with the word or the term mom rage is just. the way that everybody knows it because every time I post about something with mom rage, everybody responds, is it mom rage or is it actually the sleep deprivation? And is it actually the mental load that's different? Or is it actually like being on and being overstimulated? And is it actually, I'm like, actually, yes, no, I agree. It's all of them. I teach all of that in my course that your anger is valid. MomRage sometimes feels like this cutesy term to like gloss over it. Oh, MomRage. But no your anger is valid. There's reasons that you feel that way. You are not a horrible person for feeling like you want to scream at your little baby that's just innocent, and you're like, Go the F to sleep because I've been there screaming at my like two week old in front of my husband whose mouth just dropped open because he was in absolute shock that I would scream at a two week old, which I was too, but oh my goodness. You become a different human. I feel like that was newborn. There was a moment. Where my oldest daughter, she was six weeks old and he was doing like an internship and working like it was through medic school. And I remember I put her in her crib. She was screaming and I closed the door and I called him. I'm like, you might actually need to come home like this. I don't know that I'm okay. And she's in there. I don't know what to do. And I think that's the only time I've ever asked him to come home, but I don't know what's happening by here. And those are the stories that we need to talk about because with those aren't talked about enough as a fire wife, we're especially we're expected to just have it all together, hold it all together. And it's just not that way. Can your firefighter take the time off? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But being able to raise your hand and say I'm really struggling is important. I had if I had gone to a doctor or a therapist, I probably would have been, Diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression for sure. It was so hard with my first and then I learned the tools and was able to help and I did not have that as severe, but I don't think I had it like diagnosable with my second or my third, but probably just the regular sleep deprived. Yeah. Like hormone induced Whoa, I'm feeling all the feelings. I remember like after I had each kid day six, by the time I'd had the third, I had figured out day six, no one should come visit. Yeah. I don't know what's happening in my body, but day six, no one should come. Day six, evacuate. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And it like, like your anger, your frustration is all valid. It's all understandable. It's all for good reasons and there's so much that can be pivoted or tweaked. There's so much more in your control than you realize, but also you're not a terrible person for feeling that you're not a terrible person for feeling like you want to break from your kids. You're not a terrible person for looking at your husband and Oh my God, I wish that we had a different life or a different schedule. You're not, none of that is real. Those are just. Thoughts. And then you get to decide how you want to go forward after that. And you can say okay, so go back a little bit. Your brain offers you 60, 000 thoughts a day unconsciously, subconsciously, I should say, and you don't even recognize. And then one comes through Oh, I hate my husband's schedule. I'm, I hate to like harp on this schedule thing, but it's just something that's coming up. And it's, yes, it's the thing I think we have to deal with most. Yes. Or, and like the thing that you and I connected on where we said, okay, we got to talk about this on the podcast, which was the, my, my spouse is the hero and I am like just here. You always get to choose what you want to think instead because your brain is just offering you thoughts. You don't have to believe it. You can say, thanks brain for offering me that thought. Not useful. I'm going to change it and I'm going to think about something different. That's helpful. Absolutely. I think any time that we. can feel a little bit more in control, then it alleviates a lot of those things. And we can control, it takes a lot of work in the beginning and effort, but we can control our thoughts. Um, has he ever done any kind of pranks at home or does he leave pranks and Jokester things at the firehouse. He leaves pranks and jokes at the firehouse, but like it's we just have kind of a goofy silly relationship anyway, so it's not like Led by pranks, although I will say I really try to scare him anytime I can. It doesn't work I've really tried. No, not really That man is cool as a cucumber. There's this picture that I have. I don't even know where it is. I wish I had it. I think it's on Facebook somewhere though, too. And it was me, my sister and my sister's friend another girl and my husband. We were all at I think it was Universal Horror Nights or something or Magic Mountains Horror Nights. I don't know. And they take a picture right as they come out and scare you and scream at you. And me, my sister, and the other girl are, like, towered and cowered scared, and my husband is literally looking like he's just walking to the beach. And a man just does not get scared. So I don't know. We just, we have a lot of silliness where we just play with each other a lot and smack each other's booties all the time. All the time. Has there, this would actually be a good question, is what has been the funniest thing that has happened or most ironic, which could also be the most terrible, I don't know, when he's been on shift, like has there been a funny thing that has happened? He's been on shift that you've had to deal with. Funny thing. I'm trying to think of like funny, but my brain is only offering me the really horrible. You can talk about the horrible thing. Maybe that's what we're supposed to talk about. It's like one of the another thing of like default parent, I don't love is like the whole Murphy's law thing. Oh, yes. I hate that we speak that over ourselves, but it is funny. Sometimes I will think Oh my goodness, of course this happened. He's gone. My husband so two years ago we got a puppy and she was like four months old and it was Chris or New Year's Eve. And we Didn't even see an it my father in law was there with us and we were all in the other room and my puppy We don't know if she jumped onto the bed Jumped off the bed or the vet said she may have started running really fast and got her foot stuck in the carpet We have no idea, but she broke her leg Four months old and so I had to take her to the vet and get her into surgery and that my husband was on his first day of three and Right. So then you have to do the meds and the home stuff too. Yes. Yes, that too. And we, there was no places open for surgery except for LA. So we had to drive. I had my dad so kindly was able to drive with me to LA, which is like an hour and a half away to get her to surgery. And then the other thing that happened was. Christmas of last year, my two year old was running around and that same dog that broke her leg jumped off the couch right as my daughter was running and slammed into my daughter, slammed her into the wall. And this was like a couple hours after my husband just went on shift on Christmas day and she knocked out her two front teeth. Oh my gosh. Were they baby teeth? Baby teeth. Oh yeah. She's teeth. So baby teeth, okay. And we were like, oh my gosh. And I called my husband just thank goodness he was able to pick up. I was like, there's blood everywhere. Do I take her to the emergency room? Do I take her to the emergency room? Yes or no? And he's am, yeah. Oh man. Is this a, a small dog or a big dog? She's big. She's a golden retriever. Okay. Oh, that's a fun dog though. It's a little shenanigans that dog does. Yeah. She's a naughty dog. Oh my gosh. On my Instagram page. Around the holiday. Naughty. Yeah. Of course it was like on Christmas day. Yeah. So then you couldn't even try like an emergency dentist office or any. Nope. It's just. Nope. It was just going to the emergency room. They looked at it and said, yeah, there's nothing that we can do. Actually, she, her one tooth got knocked out. Her second tooth was pushed so far back that it was like hanging on by a thread and the dentist had to remove it, I think. We got in two days later, maybe, or the next day. I can't remember. But anyway, so the funny thing about all of that is it's not funny, right? The funny thing is, it's not funny. Yes. All the things that pop up. We had an instance where my, I don't, I think, yes, I did have my son. So the girls were probably four and two, and then he was a newborn and he, Had, I think, I can't remember what he did, but it was something to the point where he was finally sleeping, so I went to go take a shower. And the girls were quiet up in their room. We had a two story house and they were in their bathroom and they had filled the sink with water, but left the water running to make a swimming pool for their Barbies, which I mean, it's very clever, very clever. And so by, and I didn't even take a long shower, but by the time I had gotten like figured out what was happening, taking a shower, I probably was like nursing, the baby went over there, water was dripping from the upstairs. And I was like, what is happening? And I was so confused. And I went up there, saw everything. And what we found out later is that house had been a daycare before. And they had added, it was like a 1950s house, but they had added on like so many different random things. And the upstairs was added and they put I think, is it plywood? What's that like super soft wood? Maybe plywood. I don't know. Like the one that's like super crumbly. I can't remember. Like all the IKEA stuff. Oh, I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. It's not plywood. It's some, I don't know whatever that is. They had put that wood in there instead because it dampens the sound. That's what I'm told. I know nothing about any of these things. And so it just absorbed and it went like through the whole ceiling. And so I called my husband. He was like on his way to a code three or code call. And so he was like, I can't help you. And so he, I had to call like another neighbor's friends, husband, and he was like, stick a broom up there to let the water come. It was just a disaster. No. That was real fun. They still torment them about that to this day. Yeah. You're not in that house anymore, but it was quite the experience. I was like, there's water coming from the ceiling. Oh no. That was fun. Clean up of it. Oh my gosh. Yes, they didn't get to play with Barbies for a minute. I was nervous. Okay. Well, let's go. We'll do our last question and then I'll hit some rapid fire questions, but the last one we'll end with is what do you wish the outside world could understand? If you could explain or share something that you wish somebody who's not in this life could understand about what it is we. Go through, do, live, be. About us or a firefighter? Just this lifestyle. So either way. However, however you want to answer it. I think, I think that I think of my family who are just so go with the flow with it all. Mm hmm. And I, I, it's not that I wish other people knew that because I don't I've mindset myself way too hard in that direction of I don't need them to think anything about us. Maybe, what would you like people to understand? I would like people to understand that this job is, the, you knew what you signed up for thing. Yes. I didn't. Nobody does. Even if they are a firefighter, you do not know. You do not know. You do not know what you're signing up for until you're truly in it. Like you can conceptualize, people can tell you a story about it, but you do not know until you have lived it and experienced it yourself. And Not even for a couple days, but like truly for a while and that whole well, you know what you signed up for you signed up for this. It's like, well, a that's not helpful at all. And then B, there's no way there's no way that anyone could ever imagine what we're going to get into until we are in it. No matter what the position is, fire, burn. doctor, EMT, grocery store clerk dentist. We just don't know until we're in it. Absolutely. And each area is different and each family is different. So even if we could articulate exactly what it's going to be like, mine is going to be different than yours. Exactly. Like we can give this has been our experience. This is how we've overcome it. This is what works. This is what didn't work, but it's, you can't quite understand. It's the same with parenting. Like you can read all the books and until that little baby arrives, you have no clue what is. And then they become a teenager and you have to learn it all over again. Yes. A complete relearning. Yes. This has at least been my experience. Okay. We're going to end with some fun questions. So what is your favorite movie? Oh, favorite movie. Hmm. I would probably say The Proposal. Yes, that's Sandra Bullock, right? Yes. And when the eagle takes the dog. Yes. And then the sweatshirt is down my balls. Yes, I, anytime I hear that song, I think of that movie. I love that movie. It's so funny. It's just one of those feel good ones where it's just, it's so funny. Yes, it's, that's a very good one. I might need to watch that one again. Okay coffee or tea? Coffee. And then how do you drink your coffee? Drink creamer with coffee. Ah, I see. At least you know what you drink. My husband teases me. He teases me endlessly. It's really not that bad, but he just drinks it black. So he's always like, That's how I drink it. A little bit of coffee with your creamer. Haha, make all the jokes you want. It tastes so good. What is an item that you cannot live without? Can't be people. I remember listening to Yazzie's episode and she said her phone and I was like, Oh, that's a good idea. Okay, an item that I can't live without would be like a shower or a bath because those are so healing to me. Oh my goodness. There's nothing better than a good shower cry. Or like just sitting in it and just relaxing with a book in a bath and just letting the water hit you and it's so warm and relaxing shower bath. That's a good one. Okay. That's a good one. Okay. Mountains or beach? Mountains. And you guys, because you're down in LA, so you're close to all of it, huh? We're close to all of it. It's like hour and a half this way, hour and a half that way, hour and a half this way. You get mountains, you get the beach, you get the, we're in the desert, so we are in the desert. Yes. Okay. The last one, which might, it might not actually be rapid fire is what is the best advice you've ever been given? And this does not have to relate to fire. This can be anything in general. I think about something my mentor has said to me that's really impacted what I've thought and felt. You even said something in the beginning, something with the thoughts and it wasn't, he didn't say controlling thoughts. Was going to say that and then I was like, I feel like I already said that, but I'll just say it. The most impactful advice that I have ever had is that your thoughts are controlling your feelings. Your feelings are controlling your actions and reactions and that so much of what we think is a fact in this world is up for debate. And you get to you truly get to decide whatever you want to decide about anything like you get to decide right now that you are worthy of love and affection and you are worthy of being put time into and investing in. You are. Like, you get to decide that your body looks good, or at least it's not a terrible vessel for you. You get to believe that the habits that you have you're not lazy, you just have a brain that is doing exactly what a brain does. You get to believe anything you want about anything. Ever. Well, that is an excellent way to end. We'll start and end with the same thing. And I think that's beautiful. So I will make sure in the show notes that people can connect with you. We'll put your Instagram. I don't know if you have a website or what your preferred reach out method is, but we'll for sure. Okay. We'll for sure put your Instagram so that if people are like, okay, this is intriguing. I need more information or more help, they can connect with you. And learn all the things. Thank you. I'm so grateful for your time. Thank you for doing this. This is such a good thing for, it's so needed in our community. So thank you for stepping up. My pleasure. It is such a joy. Yeah. I bet it's been fun connecting with so many different people in so many different walks of life. Yes. People I would never have talked to before because we're just not in the same state. Yes. It's so cool. That's one of the beautiful things about social media. Absolutely. Okay. Well, this was awesome. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. It would mean the world to us to have you subscribe, like, share with all the people you love and join us in our FireWife community. Thanks again and see you next time.