That's a wrap on Season 1

Navigating Transitions in First Responder Life

In the season finale of Just a Girl and Her Firefighter, host Kristi Hilmer reflects on the journey of creating a supportive community for firewives and first responders. She discusses the challenges and strategies for managing department transitions, sharing her personal experiences and offering advice on mental preparation, schedule adjustments, effective communication, and the importance of community. This episode aims to normalize and provide insights into the often isolating experiences of first responder families, emphasizing integrity, honesty, and support through change.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

01:12 Reflecting on Season One

02:47 Navigating Department Transitions

04:59 Preparing Mentally for Changes

07:22 Managing Schedules and Communication

10:58 The Importance of Community

14:01 Final Thoughts and Gratitude

Join our Community- The FireWife Community on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/firstresponderwife/

Find me on IG
https://www.instagram.com/our.firstresponder.life/

Snap a screenshot when you listen and tag us!!!!

And of course, subscribe and share with all your friends!

Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that change you? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. This has been such a fun. New adventure, really, and to creating this community with just a girl and her firefighter and starting this podcast. And we are wrapping up season one today, which I can't even believe is happening. We have had so many wonderful guests on here from, brand new firewives to seasoned to couples. And it has been so amazing. So cool and fascinating to hear many people's different stories, but how we're also so much alike. And I think that brings such a level of community in this industry, but also what I hope it shares and also kind of normalizes some of it, that a lot of what we're experiencing, which may feel isolating, is actually a very common and shared experience. And we can learn from the people that have been on here and the people that are going to be coming in the next season, which is going to be even more exciting. So I just wanted to give such a heartfelt thank you for listening, for sharing these stories, for helping just create this community of people. It has been such a cool experience to talk with so many different people from California, all the way to New York, to Canada, to New York. Different countries that are listening this. I think at this point, we're in about six different countries, which is just, I can't even imagine. But it's been incredible. So thank you so much for listening and supporting this little adventure of ours. It's been incredible. So what I thought we would end on is a couple of things. One, this was a hot topic in my Instagram a couple of weeks ago where my husband has actually switched departments, which it was an agonizing decision. Because of that, I created this, Instagram posts, I guess you could say about switching departments. And I had so many questions and so many conversations and people, the theme really was, no, one's talking about this. Like, we're not talking about this. Can you share your experiences? How do you do this? That's what today is about is we'll share some of our experiences of making transitions. And there really haven't been terribly many, he started his career as a paramedic, like we've shared in some of the other episodes, and he promoted to captain and had been there for so many years. And once he promoted to fire and really decided to go that route through the and was at a station. That was a big transition. You know, we went from paramedic to fire and it's different at an EMS station only versus a fire station. So that was just an added dynamic. And then you also have probationary year and academy and all of the different things that come along with that kind of move. And then fast forward when we chose to come to Texas and he just recently. Really felt led to go to this other department and it was an agonizing decision. We have absolutely loved the department he has been at, and we just really had been praying a lot about it and is okay. Is this where we're supposed to go? Is this kind of the next move? And really felt like, okay, this is where we are being led to go. So there haven't been a significant amount of moves. There just has been some. And I think from what I've gathered talking with different people is that even when there are just a couple in the span of 16 years, it's not getting talked about. And so here we are sharing the story of what we have learned through the process. Something that I always keep in mind in the home front is just to prepare mentally, because we've done probation, we've done the rookie, we've done the new guy, we've done the academy, and it just is a little bit different. They have to be on their game even more at the station and at home, what I hear oftentimes is a surprise. It's like, how come you have to do stuff at home? You're not at work. Why are you bringing work home? But that's kind of part of it. At least that's been our experience. It may not be for everybody's. But it's studying the maps. They have to, know all of their directions and things. I don't even quite understand fully, but different protocols, you know, even from state to state, he had a massively learned new protocols. But even from department to department, there's a lot of learning of different protocols. How do you. I don't, I'm going to get all these names wrong, but it's like, how do you roll the hose this way? What is the little connector piece thing that you do over here? Like he could tell me all these names and I listened to them, but I could not tell you what they all are. Uh, but all of those different things take a lot of extra effort to memorize, to get right, to put forth the effort. They're taxed physically, all of those different things. So I always prepare mentally. And it's almost like a kind of picture like, okay, I'm putting on my armor. Like we're getting ready. This is going to be the next battle. And it's not really a battle, but that's just how I have to put it in my brain. Because otherwise we can really spiral of, this is our new normal. And this is going to be like, did we make the right decision? All of those things can question. And we very firmly believe if we've made this decision and this is where we feel we're supposed to be, then this is where we are. And how are we going to make the best of it, whether it's been good situations or bad situations? So that's the first thing is I always prepare mentally. And some of that is just knowing I won't necessarily have as much of his help or presence at home. We don't have little, little kids anymore. And so it's not like I need physical help with the kids, but sometimes it's that mentally okay, I just know I'm going to bear more of the mental load in this season for right now. And then if I know that going in, it makes it so much more manageable for the year that they're rookie probationary, whatever it is. The second thing is the schedule. Like there's some practical things we can do. So if I know he's going to have to put in extra effort or there might be extra trainings or he might have to stay over time or whatever it is. If I know that that's the season that we're in, I can make our schedule accordingly the best that I can. And so for us, that looks like the day before and the day after we don't schedule if I can help it. I don't schedule things that are important that we need to do because I know those might change or those days might adjust. I also, when they were little, I would just have some extra help. Like I would Set aside some extra money that we could use for babysitters. And it was usually a high school kids, college kids. Like it wasn't some big, fancy nanny. It was more of just, okay, I need a couple hours of help here and there, in order to fit work in or in order to do whatever it is you. That's the first step, especially for people who really need to function for your lifestyle. But that helped tremendously. And then sometimes there were even cases where it's like I would just swap with another mom like okay, you take the kids Thursday afternoon, and I'll take them Tuesday afternoon or whatever it is. We could just swap and help each other out. And one of my favorite things that we've done when they were little is we had um, I forget exactly what we called them, but it was basically like, I think they're called girl dinners now, but it was, there was two of us and our husbands were working. And so we're like, Hey, why don't we just have a Pollack dinner at, your house or then my house. And it just made the evenings go a little smoother. Cause for me, at least when the kids were little evenings were they're exhausted and that's like their whiniest, two hours of their life is those evenings. So with all that to say, it's just looking at your schedule and what can you do to help mitigate some knowing that you just might have extra put on you in that season. And the third thing is really communication. And this is part communication, but it's also part figuring out about yourself. You What is it that you need? Like I am a people person like if you isolate me I get so sad and so lonely and so I need people so I just know to schedule times with people Whether that's friends going on walks having playdates, whatever stage of life you're in And so for me, that's what I needed. But there have been times where I just needed quiet, like I was too overstimulated and I needed an hour to myself and to go for a walk or whatever it is. So just learning about what space you need and what season you are in. And then communicating. That's the other part is then talking with each other. What do each of us need? And for him, sometimes he's I need to come home and study and not be interrupted. Or he's I need to have, family time on my four days. I miss you guys or whatever it is, because it also changes, right? That's the. The one constant in this first responder life is change. And so it's not like we can predict our schedule from week to week or have the entire okay, this is what every Tuesday is going to look like. And this is what every Friday is going to look like. It's more of this week. What do we need? And then the next week. Okay, what do we need this week? Because everything changes. So just communicating what it is and trial and error. If you don't really know, try something, see how it works. And that really has helped us a ton. And the last part is community, which should be no surprise to anybody that's what I'm talking about. But that is huge. And it's having community inside the fire world or first responder, but also outside of it. It's having game nights with your neighbors. It's whatever that community looks like, but also being very open and honest with them like, okay, we might be in a tough season and I might need a little extra help. And then you get to reciprocate when that person then is in a season where they need a little bit. extra support or help. And it's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing when we can support each other and when we can have that type of community. And we don't want to rob people of that joy. And I know that that can be something that's tricky when we are independent humans, and we want to just figure things out. But letting people help is the key. a beautiful gift that, not a lot, like that's what makes us human. And community is just so important. So don't forget that part of it because it really does help in all of those different things. So that's just some of the things that we have done to help transition the moves. So with all of that, leaving different departments and transitioning is not always easy. Sometimes we've left behind amazing, wonderful departments, and sometimes it was definitely a necessary move because it wasn't the culture or the values that we wanted to be a part of and. In that these are just some of the ways that we have found to help balance it. But the biggest thing that I've watched my husband do in these different moves is he has been incredibly honest and he has been with such high integrity. And talked to the chiefs before he was moving, talked with personnel, if there was ever any kind of issue to really try and solve different things. And so that is something I've watched him do incredibly, incredibly well. And I think our kids. Get to see that too. And that has been a very huge blessing. Yes, we've gone through some significant things, but for them to be able to see how their dad reacts and how he Handles confrontation and challenges and different work environments in such an honorable way is really one of the greatest gifts I think he can give them. So even if it has been a little bit tricky or a little bit hard, he, it's just such a gift that they have gotten to see him move through those things. And because of how he's handled it, I do believe we've been very blessed in different departments that we've, moved to. And but with all of that, hopefully this is helpful in kind of approaching that conversation of moving and switching. You know, we got back from, we just got back today, actually, from a fellow firefighters funeral. who was killed in the line of duty. And one of the things that I came away from that really seeing is this is a family like a fire first responder. There were thousands of firefighters and police from all over the state, and it really is truly one big family. So yes, sometimes switching departments happens. But it's still a part of that larger family feel. And that's what we want to always keep at the forefront. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. It would mean the world to us to have you subscribe, like, share with all the people you love and join us in our FireWife community. Thanks again and see you next time.