The Life Behind the Mustache: Firefighter Fenton Unplugged Part 1

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter,' host Kristi Hilmer chats with Firefighter Fenton and his wife Stephanie about life as a firefighter family. They discuss how their journey began, homeschooling their four children, and how the 'Firefighter Fenton' character was created by accident. The couple opens up about the challenges of balancing demanding jobs, family life, reintegration, and maintaining health. Stephanie shares her struggles and strategies for staying connected as a family, while Brett emphasizes the importance of transitioning smoothly between work and home life. They also talk about overcoming the overwhelming demands of Brett's role as a Public Information Officer. This heartwarming conversation is packed with insights, tips, and experiences from a couple dedicated to making it all work amid the chaos.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

00:59 Meet Firefighter Fenton and His Wife

01:28 The Origin of Firefighter Fenton

03:29 Balancing Family Life and Firefighting

04:52 Homeschooling and Flexible Schedules

09:05 Reintegration Challenges

14:32 Maintaining Health and Well-being

15:48 Leadership at Work and Home

23:14 Struggles and Overcoming Challenges

26:13 Next Week's Preview

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that change you? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. today we have such a special surprise because we get to talk to Firefighter Fenton and Firefighter Fenton's wife, so I think a lot of people married to a firefighter are probably like me. And I've been sent your reels and don't actually know anything about firefighter Fenton, except that he has a mustache and it's funny. So tell us a little bit about your family and how did this really start? Yeah, shoot, I think it started long before I had like my own family Yeah, uh, I became a firefighter back in, 2004 and then, Stephanie and I actually didn't meet until around like 2007. we started dating then I was, uh, just finishing up me school and then, we dated for, two and a half years, and then we got married in 2010. And, we have four kids, we've been married almost 15 years now, and yeah, the whole, the whole firefighter Fenton character thing, just, it all kind of happened by accident. Literally, like a year into our marriage, um, I've always, I've always loved, uh, comedy and music and making videos and we, we actually met doing music, um, at our church. Oh, how fun! And so, yeah, uh, back in 2011, um, my department does like a banquet, you know, an annual banquet every year where, uh, firefighters come, their families come and they give awards, do all that kind of stuff. That was nice. Can sometimes get a little boring. And so, yeah, so, um, we were talking on the charity board and we're like, you know, we need to do something to kind of change it up, lighten it up. And I was like, I could make a video. I made my first music video. And it kind of blew up. And was the mustache a part of the video? The mustache was. The funny thing was, it was a completely different mustache. Because, uh, it's not real. So. So it took me an embarrassingly long time to actually know that that wasn't real. I think I saw some, maybe like you did a post with your family and I was like, wait, Who's that guy? Like, that guy looks different. Yeah. And my husband's like, yeah, it's not real. Yeah, that's, that's pretty common, I'd say. Yeah, you're not alone. There's a lot of people that are like, wait, what? The mustache and the voice is fake? I was like, yeah. It's a character. A hundred percent. That's awesome. So then you, Stephanie, married into firefighting because, so he was already a firefighter at that time. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was in nursing school and he was I think in medic school at the time, um, which is just funny that we're a firefighter and nurse married. It's so cliche, but that's not how we met at all. that was just a way, another thing we kind of connected over and could talk, you know, talk shop and whatnot. and little did I know what I was getting myself into marrying him and now I know in the music videos. Yeah, music videos and the attention is like not my thing at all. He always dragged me into it. I hate it. I'm embarrassed and you know, um, but it's turned into something really fun. That's awesome. Yeah. We are the same. It's a nurse and firefighter, but we met in high school and I, we were together while I was in nursing school and then he went to medic school. So yeah, same, same situation, okay. Let's talk a little bit then about your family. So you guys are in Arizona, you have four kids. How has that been in the fire service? And Firefighter Fenton's personality or character and firefighting. How does that all work? Oh, it's a lot. That's for sure. She probably. Yeah. I think the biggest thing is that, um, now we homeschool, uh, which I think we're going on our fourth year or so. And that was always kind of his idea from the get go. Our oldest is almost 11 and he had always just mentioned it even, you know, as a preschooler. And I thought he was insane. Like Somebody will die or go to prison, but it really, it started off revolving around just the schedule. You know, he works 48 hour shifts and then he has four days off. And so before we had kids and then when our kids were babies, we never had a, you know, nine to five Monday through Friday type of schedule. And so getting locked into that schedule was just like going against everything in us. The idea of homeschooling and just making our life flexible to. You know, the way we want it to be, just sounded really good. The idea of like me teaching children, I was like, Oh my, I was like, you know, a career nurse in the ER. I did that for 10 years. And so that was a foreign idea. But after kind of during and after COVID, you know, we really started to see how, you It's really not that daunting. And wow, when you sit down one on one with a kid, you can get something done in 15 minutes that would take hours in the classroom, you know? Um, but long story short, we're homeschooling all four of them now. And that really just plays into our flexible, I don't know, schedule and lifestyle, you know, and we can do what we want to do when we want to do it. We don't have to wait for the weekends. We don't have to wait for school breaks. Um, and it's just, it's working out really well. It was a, it was a rocky first year, just learning how to balance everything. But I think we've kind of hit a stride now, and it's going great, you know. Yeah, I mean, work in the 48 hour shifts. She's, she's gone on some like retreats or like just even just nights out with her friends and stuff like that. And I'm at home with the kids by myself. And on days when I'm doing homeschooling by myself, I'm like, how do you do this for 48 hours straight? It's a lot. It's a lot of work, but it, it's cool. And like she said, like, just with the schedule, it's, it's been cool and it's been fun to, you know, the kids. I don't know that they fully grasp, um, the whole firefighter Fenton thing. Like they, they just know that dad always puts on a fake mustache and makes funny videos. Our oldest loves to help, which is, but that's been really cool. He he's really into the whole creative process and loves to loves when the camera comes out. If you ever see a video where I'm getting hit in the face with something or getting sprayed with something, it's usually our oldest on the other side of the camera doing it with a big old smile on his face. And so they get to see the, yeah, they get to see the peak behind the curtain of all that stuff. And, um, and then, you know, they'll say, they just think it's so cool. Cause they'll see me do this and then, you know, and. An hour or the next day it's on YouTube and they're like, oh, dad's on TV right now. What the heck? You know, so it's kind of cool. So, right, and, and it's, and then we've got, and it's just, it's been such a awesome journey and just kind of a cool, I, I don't even know, I never envisioned that it would turn into what it's turned into and it's given us a lot of opportunities as a family to do things that. We kind of always wanted to do with, you know, when we were talking about homeschooling and just being together and making memories as a family. And this has really brought a lot of really cool opportunities that we otherwise would have never had. So the kids get to experience some pretty cool things. I think all of them. Yeah, that's incredible. We did homeschooling for two years because we lived in California and we moved to Texas a couple of years ago. And so we were in California during COVID and instead of distance learning, we did homeschooling and I, I loved it. It was so cool. My oldest is a teenager and she's a girl, so that can be challenging, but we're not through those years yet, so that's going to be interesting. But it has changed. I think when I grew up, what it looked like is so different than what it is now. Like there's so many more opportunities and it's like, why not take advantage of their schedule and being able to go do stuff. So that's really cool. Well, one of the things that I think can be tricky in firefighting or first responder is that reintegration, you know, it's like, how do we stay present as a family when they're But then still also be independent and run the schedule and then let them come back in. I feel like that is oftentimes kind of the most. tricky situation for a lot of people. So Stephanie, what do you do to help keep him kind of present in the home? And then I'll ask you the same thing, which I don't actually know your first name. As we're talking about this, I don't know your first name. Yeah, that's, I agree completely. I would say I've transitioned the first, you know, I don't know, eight, 10 years, um, was really my struggle was how do I be alone? How do I function with him gone so much? And especially as his schedule started getting busier. With all the other social media stuff and traveling he travels every other month it seems like and so that that was a huge struggle um, you know, not only managing the house and doing everything alone and being independent but then fighting those feelings of Why do you get to be gone or? Why do I have to do everything here or I'm alone? You know, a lot of those kinds of feelings of of feeling isolated and being self isolated and almost like poor me kind of a thing and but I've noticed now this past couple years. I've really transitioned away from those struggles and I, I don't really feel that way anymore when he's gone. Like I'm, you know, there's days where I'm drowning, but that's not the overall theme of my struggle. Now. It's very much what you said. It's when he comes back now, how do we keep everything running smoothly? And now I find myself fighting those feelings of now that he's here, why isn't he doing X, Y, Z, or why am I doing X, Y, Z? I don't know. It's totally different. I don't know. It's different. And, um, I don't know if I have the answers on what works well, but I have noticed that though. I've noticed that it's more of that reintegration, um, back into our, our, you know, vibe and what we got going on here. Don't mess up my schedule kind of a thing. one of the big things is I have to remember all the time and remind myself that it's not a competition. Um, it's not him versus me, who's more tired, who got less sleep, who's more stressed, who has the harder job, you know, cause that's something that I often will find myself like, Oh, poor you. Uh, but this is what happened to me, you know, um, and for one, it's not helpful in any way, even if I'm right. and for two, that makes him feel very outside, you know, like an outsider to our family. And so remembering that constantly, like it's not a competition. We are on the same team and we're both sacrificing a lot often. We both have a heavy mental load, just looks different, you know, and remembering that I think it's normal and it's common, not just for firefighter families, but like all marriages with young children have these same issues, you know, um, we're not unique, we're not, you know, special. It's not like our life is harder than everybody else's. It's just different. It's all the same underlying struggles though, learning how to. Uh, communicate, stay on the same page, not just, you know, go from schedule to schedule to event to event. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, I think they're it's fantastic thoughts because it's I think all the things we go through and then the marriages that have lasted, it's because we've made those steps, right? Like in the beginning, we had that all the time, who's more tired, who's more tired. And then you have to communicate to figure it out. And now we have a different age group of kids and it's just different struggles where it's like we can function totally fine on our own. We just don't want to. And then letting him back in and realizing, like, dad does it different and that's okay. And that it took me three kids to figure that out for the fourth one. Yeah, totally. And I think learning, I mean, it's really just time. Um, but learning more about, uh, what the job does to him exactly. with his sleep and his hormones and, and just even like his ADHD, just learning how he thinks and why he thinks the way he does and watching it happen over years and years. it just gives you a more of a perspective and it, and it's, and it's not, I don't know. It's not like a purposeful necessarily. It's just, it's, and it's common. Like when you look at all the firefighters and all the things they struggle with and have in common. You know, like today, for example, like, I don't remember which, you know, person, therapist or somebody that your department had that was like recommending sleep and how important even just like a quick, you know, one or two hour nap after shift will help reset everything and help, you know, set the next four days off to be so much better. And so that helps me to think. To not think, Oh, look at him coming home and now he gets to nap and be upset about it, but be more like, this is what's going to help him be healthy and be ready to be part of the family again. And really healthy is like. Um, you know, we talk a lot about mental health all the time, but keeping him healthy in all the ways helps our entire family, especially like, like number one, physically healthy when he can, when we can build it into our schedule for him to have time to be at the gym and for us to meal prep and for us to think about our physical health. Like that's, that's the whole tone for all the other. You know, spiritual and mental and emotional health, uh, for everybody in the family. Absolutely. And I think it's one, it's so crucial probably for your job too, right? To be physically healthy. Like I think like, okay, these guys have to carry my husband out of a building in case something happens, right? Like physical health is really important. Mental health too, but also the exposure, the toxin exposure, just what you guys are around. Like I take that so seriously in our family. Like it's, it's a big deal. So then Brett, now that I know your first name, what do you do or how does it work for your transition? Like, have you found anything that is helpful? Um, yeah, so I guess biggest thing for me. Like transitioning, like back, you mean like transitioning back to home life, like after traveling or after, shit. Yeah. I mean, really, I used to work at one thing that was really helpful for me was I used to work at a station that was far away. I would have, you know, 45 minute drive and if there was traffic, probably an hour drive. And I used to love that because it was like a 45 minute to an hour. Sometimes I wouldn't just be quiet in the car, you know, coming home from shift or going to shift, but especially coming home, it's just a good reset to just like, all right, I got to switch gears from being, you know, when I'm at work, like, you know, I'm the captain, it's, we're a family, but it's also, you know, we're, we're, you know, it's, we're employees and like, I'm the boss and it's just a different, it's a different role. Um, you know, where I'm. It's so, it's so funny. Like on the fire truck, um, when guys promote to captain, I experienced it myself when I promoted was, you don't realize how much you affect your crew, um, and how much decision making, how much they look to you for decisions, even in the simplest decision of things like, when are we going to the grocery store? There just needs to be someone that says, Hey, let's go to the store. Cause otherwise we'll sit around and talk or whatever, or, you know, Somebody will be talking about training or the truck or this and that, and before we know it, it's like, we haven't even got our day, like going getting the things we need to get done, done so we can. You know, progress and move on to all the other things. And it's like, you don't want to feel like the guy that's like, all right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to do this and this and this. And it's like, you learn that your crew looks at you and they're not, they're not, I mean, maybe, maybe some guys have that, they just kind of rule with an iron fist and they probably don't have crews that love them that much, but probably, but yeah, but when the, yeah, exactly. There's a big turnover on that crew. But the crew literally. is expecting someone, you know, to be like, Hey, we're going to do this. Um, and, but it's just keeping in mind that like, when I come home, I transition out of that. I'm not like the, I'm not the captain of the house. I am dad and I am leading just as much at home as I do, on the fire engine. Like I was just talking to one of my friends, he literally just had his very first shift as a captain three days ago. And, and, You know, I asked him, are you nervous? And he was like, he's like, uh, not really kind of, he's like, I'm excited. And I just said, Hey, just, just know that no matter what you're doing, I'm like, you're, I'm like, you're a dad. It's just like being at home. No matter what you're doing, you're always leading. I said, you can set the tone of a call just from the facial expression you give when you read the computer. And because if it's total just BS and you go, and it's something as simple as I read it and they go, the crew hears that that will set the tone of that call, whether people are going to walk in with a good attitude or walk with the attitude of like, why are you calling us again for the 14th time for the same thing, you know? And so it's just keeping that in mind that when I come home again, I'm still leading. So I, they don't. It's not their fault. We got up, you know, three, four times after midnight, um, or didn't get very much sleep, you know, in the last four, eight hours. It's not their fault that they had that, that I had the frequent flyer, that we had, you know, an RV fire, and all these different things, or whatever it was, I'm just, I'm just, this is literally like my last shift, that's what I'm saying. But, I just got home this morning. But it's like, it's not their fault. I'm, you their dad, I'm her husband. Um, and I need to, it, that time coming home on the drive is a good reset for me to just like, okay, we're, I'm taking off the captain hat and I'm putting on husband, dad, hat and re engaging. And I'll be honest, like I haven't done that well throughout my entire career. And I still don't have it all figured out. I definitely have days where I'm better at it than others. Um, But it's just like, it's for me, it's remembering, you know, like I always say, my identity is not that I'm a captain. It's not that I'm firefighter. It's not those things. Like my identity is wanting, like I said, our faith is, is, is very important to us. So like my identity is that, Jesus is my God. Stephanie is my wife and my four children are my children and I'm their dad. That is my identity. And all these other things. At their base roots. Yes, the video stuff and things like that is my is my passion But it is also turned into something that is very beneficial for our family. So I have a lot of Things in my mind where everything is on purpose. I don't do anything. just because you know, I I've grown up out of the just because phase So it's just just just remembering that like Having that for me, um, having that, that reset in the morning is really good to just, and oftentimes I'll come home and I might sit in the truck for 10 minutes in the driveway before I even go in. And it may look like I'm just staring at my phone or doing whatever, but I'm really just like, okay, it's just a little, little quick debrief before I go in and I know that, you know, the littles are going to be annoying the bigs and they're going to be fighting or, or we got to make breakfast or whatever. She's either had a good 48 hours or it's been a bad 48 hours. So I need to go and relieve her and help her pick up where things are. And, um, and then there's an internal battle of kill the laziness. Don't be lazy. Yes, you're tired, but you know what? It's okay. You know, nobody cares. So just work hard and be healthy. And I think, especially as of recently with us, really just being overall healthy has been very important and it is dramatically. changed how I feel. She's even mentioned like just my overall mood and everything has changed. And that's, you know, just eating right. Uh, being physically active, things like cold plunging, you know, there's less, which I think you guys are in Arizona. So it's like hot always. Right? Yes. I'm like, what is there right now? Right now it's 103. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Texas is hot, but not Arizona hot. Sorry. Yeah. And she mentioned I have ADHD, so I might go here, there, there, there. That's okay. Hopefully what I can do is help to circle it all together. But that's also not an abnormal thing in, I think, first responder world. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's pretty common. Um, but it's so true about health. Like it's. It's one of my biggest passions, like we talked about, because I left nursing and I don't know if you left nursing for the same reason. Well, one, I wanted to with my family. I was like, this is who I want to be with. Two shift workers is too hard. Like, how can we be more present? But then it's also, I had a real struggle with the medical system. And, Wanting to really be in preventative medicine. And it's like, you know, we talk about gut health and dopamine is stored in the gut. Like, of course, when you start eating healthy and your gut is better, your mood is better, you know, all of those things, like they just correlate. So anyway, we don't have to talk about all that stuff today, but that's another fun conversation. Let's talk about maybe what is something that has been, and we've talked about some of these, so if it's in what we've already talked about, we don't have to revisit it, but what has been a really big struggle that you guys have had to either work through, overcome, it could be two separate, you know, we've talked about tired, we've talked about kind of that transition, but has there been a point where you're like, this was really challenging and this is what we've done to overcome it or we might still be in it. Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is when you're a PIO and I don't know if it's a personality thing for him of everybody, you know, in the fire world. Yeah, it may be a personality thing for him specifically, but he wants to do more and more and more and he's a good leader and he is. Uh, he does well at every task and job that is assigned to him and, and he's just passionate. So at one point, I don't know, five years ago or something, we found ourselves just, we had no balance and he basically had four full time jobs. It was 2021 cause it was just after COVID. Yeah. But you had been doing PIO for many years already. That's what I'm saying. But that's when, after COVID was the snap where it was like, this has got to change. Yeah. Yeah, you know, in the, you know, in the spirit of providing for our family, trying to further himself at work, you know, he's trying to get promoted as a captain. He's also working overtime and then he was the PIO for the department, the public information officer. Um, and he did that for how many years? Seven years. Yeah, seven years. That's a long time. It's a long time. It's usually a two year rotation. 100%. Yeah. Um. It should be a And also had all the social media stuff going on. We were just starting to homeschool and figuring all that out. But as a PIO, he basically was on all the time. You know, he had, he had this phone that had every single call coming in from the entire department and probably the whole city. I don't know. And, uh, notifications constantly and he did all of the social media and any kind of like news, you know, interviews, like anything media related was going through him and he did a great job at it and he built that program up to be very successful and, you know, gave his department, uh, a face and put them on the map and all this stuff. But yeah, we get, we came to a breaking point where it was just, he was never here even when he was here in any time we would go on vacation or just. Anytime at all try to be together as a family, you could just tell he was somewhere else, you know, he was constantly, I mean, I can only imagine the just crushing weight mentally of having to never be able to stop thinking of, you know, somebody meeting you and had to be able to respond at all times. Oh my gosh, this was so good. So we are going to actually take a break. This was an incredible conversation that we had and it was over an hour long and I really just felt the need. To break this up into two parts because it is so, so good. I just wanted to give us the opportunity to really digest and listen and apply all of the amazing nuggets and lessons and tips that this family is giving us. So we are going to take a break, come back next week, and you'll get to hear the remainder of the story. How they really decided what to cut out, what to keep, balance that lifestyle of being excellent at your job and creating an impact and a wave in your fire department, but then also realizing you have a family at home and responsibilities at home. So come back, listen to the rest of it next week. It's so, so good. This was one of my favorite conversations to have. Such an amazing, incredible couple and family in this fire community. And you'll get to find out some interesting facts about firefighter Fenton next week too. So don't miss next week. Come back. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did. And let's see what happens next. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. It would mean the world to us to have you subscribe, like, share with all the people you love and join us in our FireWife community. Thanks again and see you next time.