The Life Behind the Mustache: Firefighter Fenton Unplugged Part 2

In this episode of Just a Girl and Her Firefighter, host Kristi Hilmer continues her conversation with Firefighter Fenton and his wife, Stephanie. They discuss the challenges of managing a demanding job while maintaining a healthy family life. Fenton shares personal experiences of realizing the importance of family over work, the pressures of overtime, and the turning points that led to prioritizing home life. The episode delves into the impact of the firefighter job on personal relationships and offers advice for new firefighters and their families. The couple also touches on the importance of self-care, community, and the invaluable lessons they've learned along the way. The episode concludes with some light-hearted anecdotes and rapid-fire questions, adding a touch of humor to their insightful discussion.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

00:59 Recap of Last Week's Episode

02:08 The Struggles of Balancing Work and Family

03:42 A Turning Point: Prioritizing Family

04:08 Personal Stories of Sacrifice and Realization

05:04 The Impact of Overworking on Family Life

07:02 Making the Tough Decision to Step Back

12:54 Advice for New Firefighters and Their Families

20:35 Finding Community and Self-Care

25:04 Flipping the Script

25:11 Funny Stories from the Shift

26:11 Parenting Mishaps

31:18 Rapid Fire Questions

36:46 Best Life Advice

40:50 Conclusion and Farewell

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that just happen? Moments. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy, and let's have some fun. Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed last week's episode. If you haven't listened to it already. You're going to want to pop back over and listen to last week's Firefighter Fenton episode, part one, because we are continuing the conversation today. And this will be the second half of it. Last week, we got to talk with them and they introduced themselves and we got to learn where the mustache came from, what his first name is and me, his beautiful wife, Stephanie. So in that they got to share about a really difficult time in their relationship and in there. Kind of fire journey and what they, uh, really struggled so today we get to finish that conversation and hear what they chose, how it affected them, and then really what happened after they made their decision. Plus we get to have some rapid fire questions and some really fun trivia of things that we probably didn't know before. And learn some really, really valuable lessons. So join me as we jump back in the conversation and let's go. Um, and it did provide, like, a huge, uh, overtime chunk for us every year, but when we finally kind of got to that breaking point, I mean, we even, like, his parents even had a sit down dinner meeting with us, you know, and they, they didn't even know the full extent of, you know, all the things we, we and he were juggling, but they just could even just tell from an outsider's perspective, like, you're not, you need to kind of reset your priorities. Um, And so it was really hard, but he ended up giving up PIO one. It was hard for him to kind of let go of that baby and give that job to someone else who didn't have any experience. But for two, it was scary to let go of that, uh, huge overtime. It was like huge cut for us. And yeah, a little amount, but realizing, you know, what dollar amount is worth it for us to have a healthy home life, you know, and remembering. That this isn't our life. Yes, it's his job and a lot of our life revolves around it, but it's not our life It's not what we build everything upon but it really had been taking over and so that was a huge struggle to Look at the plate and everything he had on it and to be able to act some things and say no to some things And I think we're much better for it. And then other opportunities arose, you know, and then social media kind of took off more and he started being more involved with the fire department coffee company. Yeah. It was a huge blessing and not, not anything he could have done if he still had all the other stuff. So it's really cool. Yes. And like when you see one door closed and then you have to have faith that God's going to provide another door and it's usually a better door that we just don't know and we have to let go. We went through an experience like that. Um, my husband did a ton of overtime. Like he was a medic before he was a firefighter. And we, um, he had just worked a ton. All the kids were like five and under. So very little, I was exhausted. He was exhausted. And we actually went through a major wildfire. So we were a part of the campfire up in paradise, California. And so he worked that fire. I had the kids. We evacuated. And it was almost like God had to take everything like let's reset. And what are your priorities? Like, what is it that you want to focus on? And it really hit him in particular. He was like, why am I doing this much over time? Like you feel, um, what's the word I'm looking for? Like responsible and like, it's your duty, you know, to be there at the fire station, all these different things, help the community. And he was like, why am I doing that? Like, yes, help, but family is, is the number one. So hopefully people don't have to go through that drastic of an experience. But yeah, no, it definitely sometimes need a hard reset for sure. And that was, yeah, I, I can remember exactly where we were at when it was like, okay, this has got to change. We were, you know, yeah, it's just, we work in the world of, Things happen and things always happen and they happen at the worst times. And it was net, like she said, it never failed. We'd be on vacation. It'd be holidays. I mean like Christmas day and there's a massive. Trauma on the freeway. And I got to hang on here, step away. And I'm talking to the media and I'm sending emails and I'm doing this whole thing. And we were, uh, it was, we were up in, uh, up in Northern Arizona at a cabin. Um, some family friends have a cabin that we go up to and we were up there and it was, we were, it was like a snow trip. We were hanging out and we were, I don't even remember playing a game or doing something fun with the kids. Everybody's laughing. And then there was a, uh, There was a big, swift water rescue deal going on, flash flood deal I had to go in the kitchen and start fielding phone calls and, you know, and doing the whole PIO song and dance thing and just pulls you out of that moment. And she was like, like, what are you doing? And like, normally, and that was like the first time where I had really heard her like, snap at me, like. What the heck are you doing? Like, we are, we are up here as a family and what are you doing? Like, you know, and I, and I'm like, you know, like, this is my job. Like, what the heck? And then and then I had just noticed more recently, you know, kids are being kids, they're, they're going to be kids and I would snap at them, you know, because I'm on the phone or, uh, and it's just like, Really, I'm snapping at my kid because they're just being three or four, however old they were. So I can talk to this media guy. Who right now we're heroes, but in the next breath, any other side of his mouth, if we're going to be, you know, something else, like I'm yelling, I'm like snapping at my kid because I want to talk to this guy. Like, no, I don't want to talk to you, hang up and go be dad. You know? And it was like, in that moment where I was like, we had, we had a talk and I was like, I'm done. I'm I'm over it. And I went right to my ops chief who, who was, who I direct reported to. And it was just, and he was, I got, I got to give it to him. Cause he's the one that I got the program from. I said, Hey, it's got to change. I was like, it's affecting my personal life. And he was like, and he, he has, has had some unfortunate things in his personal family life, you know, divorces and things like that. And he was like, whatever we got to do. Let's make it happen because that's the most important thing. And he said, um, he's like, uh, you know, if you want to give it up right now and drop it on my lap right now, we can do that. He's like, I'm asking you that you don't. He's like, if you could at least give me like, you know, 30, 60, 90 days. Uh, but if you need to drop it right now, go ahead. And I was like, yeah, and in my mind, I'm like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I was like, I'll give you a 60 days. And of course, you know, the 60 days. They drug to 90 and they drug it to 90, I was like, okay, I gave you 60. Here we are at 90 hard stop. I don't care. Like it's not fully transitioned and the next guy's not fully trained, but I don't care. So see you later. And I keep saying, well, the heart, the heart's truth is you're replaceable as much as you love the job. And as much as you do so much there. They can replace you and when you retire, nobody will remember you. I mean you maybe you because you got videos on the internet, but Um, that's the harsh truth like guys marry the job and they give everything to it. And what does it give you back in the end? Well, they give the job everything and the job doesn't give anything back I mean it gives you a paycheck, but it will take everything from you. It'll take your family. It'll take your mental health It'll take take your physical health. It'll and then like you said and then the next applicant's gonna walk through the door You Rare to go and they're going to interview and they're going to get the job. And yeah, and we got to experience that. Um, and I think that was something that played very heavily in my mind through all of this was, you know, like she said, you know, I, I felt a lot of pressure to provide for our family. Um, she wasn't bedside nursing anymore, post COVID. and, and I was like, all right, I've got, you know, I've got to make this. And she'd say, you know, like, We're okay. Like, we need you. We don't need money, we need you. And I'm like, we can make it work. And that was Mm-Hmm, Yeah. And that was, that was helpful. It was like profound for me. Um, which is, which, you know, in hindsight it seems like, duh idiot. Like, that's not that, that's duh, that's low hanging fruit. But, you know, in the moment it's like, no, I've gotta, I've gotta do this, I gotta do this, I gotta do this. I'm like, I can't. 15,000 giving up$15,000 a year. That's irresponsible. But it was like, what, what I gave up in, uh. money I gained, we gained as a family and quality of life. And it was, it was really, really good for us. But we also had a stent there where, I mean, it, it just, we've had a lot of guys die and just very random ways, very random ways, like, and, and a lot for, for how small for the size, we have 150 guys. And, I don't know, 10 people? Oh my god, that's a lot. You know what I mean? It's crazy. So we've had, and two of them were, two of them were in the same year, 11 months apart. One of them was one of my really good friends, and the other one was my captain. You know, and it was just crazy. And so, this, so, There was a lot and then and just personal friends to in the same year, 27 2017 was a horrible year. But you know, it's funny. I said that 2021 still just put my nose down for four more years until I finally, you know, got beat over the head enough. It was like, Hey, idiot, stop doing this. You're killing yourself and your family. Yeah. And, but yeah, just like she said it. I say it all the time and it feels like I'm it feels like a lone man on an island sometimes in this space of the firefighter culture in the firefighter world. I'm the funny firefighter guy. I'm, I'm, I'm a real guy. I'm a normal guy. I'm, I'm a firefighter. I'm a husband. I'm a father. I'm all these things, but I married Stephanie and You know, I'm my kid's father and at, and I'm very proud to be a firefighter. I've been doing it for over 20 years and I love it, but at its base, it is just what I do for money. I'm completely replaceable. It is a job. It's a great job, but it is a job, but it's not who I am and, and where I am. And I feel like the narrative. Is flipped on its head and that in from it's no, it's a calling. It's a, you know, some people may feel called to do it. Some people it is a brotherhood. There is a brotherhood for sure. Absolutely. Um, but you don't after the job goes away. Where does that go? You know, when you have a career when your foundation when you're when your foundation as a person or your identity as a person as a firefighter, and then you have a career in the injury, you know, or you have all these things then what then what happens, what are you left with. And if you've given everything to that and your family. Is also done with you because you've basically chosen the job over your family. Now, what are you left with? And then you see the increase in the, you know, substance abuse and suicide rates and divorce rates and all these things. And, and, and I'm not saying I'm not a therapist, I don't have all the answers, but that's just kind of how I see it and that's my take on it. And I feel like not that I'm done something earth shattering or I, you know, figured it, figured it out. But for me, this is a much better way of doing it in my opinion. Absolutely. So then what advice would you give new people? So let's say there's, you know, new firefighters or new married couples, or they're dating now kind of hindsight, because I think that that's really, that's one of the goals of this podcast is one community. Like, I think we all need to hear the stories from each other of success and struggle and that this life can be lived well and that it doesn't have to be everything. But then also to help give advice to the people that are new, that are coming in, like, learn from us. This is what we messed up on. This is what we wish we'd done different. What advice would you both give to somebody like that? For me. Cause I, I've said it, I've been in the academies as a mentor before in the past. And then, and then being a captain, getting new people, like, um, I try to mentor them not only in the job, but also in their personal lives, but like, yeah, yeah, because we're all young and dumb ones and I'm, now I'm, now I'm old and dumb. Yeah. So, yeah. Uh, but no, but like, yeah, but like I, for me, like I, I, I do, I tell them to just, you know, Remember, don't forget who you are. Don't forget what makes you, you, you know, you're, you know, you're a husband, a wife, you know, if you're a guy or girl, you're a husband, a wife, a father, a mother, whatever. You're all these things and this is what you do for money. And it's great. And you should excel at what you do and you should excel in everything you do. But just remembering that that is what makes you, you, your family, your beliefs, you know, what your faith, whatever it is, that's what makes you, you, and this is, this is a part of you, but it's not who you are. and that one of the most profound things I think I've had profound talks I've had in the fire station came from, we had a new chief. This was years ago. Fantastic. Chief. He was our chief for 10 years and more. but he came in. And he had, when he finally retired, he did, uh, 49 years in the fire service, something crazy, something. Yeah. And he told us this story. He came around, you know, he face to face wanted to meet everybody. He went to every station on every shift that every single person shook their hand. He's the kind of chief that like knew everybody's birthday. When my birthday came, I had a, I had a birthday card in my mailbox at work. And it was handwritten from the fire chief, not like a secretary signing it or whatever he had. And it was always, it seemed like he knew a little bit about every single person and it was always something personalized to that person. Great guy. And he came in his very first, right when he first came first time, I really ever met the guy. I mean, I knew who was kind of like a legend in the fire service in Arizona. Um, and he came in, yeah, yeah. And he, he came into the fire service and he said, or in the fire station and he said, You know, I'm really excited to be here. I'm excited to affect change, but I just wanted to tell you guys kind of a personal story and wanted to give you guys some wisdom, some things that I've learned. So hopefully you don't make the same mistakes. He's like, everybody knows that I've been in the fire service for I think at the time it was, you know, 40 years or whatever. He's like, I've done a lot of things. He's like, I've got a lot of accolades. I've got a lot of things on my resume. I've checked all these boxes and all these things. And he's like, people have called me the fire fireman's fireman of a fire chief and this whole thing. And he's like, and that's all fine and dandy. He said, but he goes, don't be the guy who. When you're on your way to work in the morning and you walk by your 16 year old daughter in the hallway, she looks at you and says, you may be a hero in the fire house, but you're hated in your house, but you're not. And he said that it was the most pro. He's like, it stopped me in my tracks. He said, it made me cry. And immediately I knew I was like, I'm doing this wrong. Cause she said, everybody loves you, but nobody likes you here. Everybody loves you in the firehouse, but nobody likes you here. And it's like, don't let that be. Don't let that be you. Um, he said, and he basically said the same thing. He's like, you can be very good at this job, but you need to be better at home. And, and, and he said, like, that's, that's what's most important. And I have like the most respect for this guy because he had 49 years or something, 47 years, close to 50 years in the fire service. And he was also married for that same amount of time. So for me, I'm like, okay, that's different. Because typically it's the guys that got 49 years and everybody's a hero and they have 49 wives, you know, they got all these exes and all these things because like you said, like she said, you know, they chose this. So they chose the, the fire service over the family. So I, that's what I would say is just keep your priorities straight. Being, you know, being popular in the firehouse or being cool in the fire, it's cool. It's whatever. But this is what's important. Your family and your home life is what is really, truly important. And, um, it's just money. I know it sounds, I know it sounds, uh, some people, you know, there was a time in my life where I wasn't making as much as we're making now. You know, I wasn't a captain. I was a brand new guy. And you hear people say, Oh, it's just money. I go, it's easy for you. I'm barely living paycheck to paycheck, barely, you know, but it's so true. It's, Money's evil. It's a necessary evil, but, but don't, don't kill yourself over it. Cause it's not worth it. Absolutely. Sorry. That's a profound story. And that's so cool that he would share that. Cause I think sometimes in leadership, people don't want to have that vulnerability of imperfection, humanity, any of that. So that's, that's pretty powerful. And that he obviously must've turned it around if he's still married. Oh yeah. Yep. And he And when he retired too, he said, I'm just waiting for my wife to give me the thumbs up. And then he literally did. He's like, well, she said, that's enough. I'm like, okay. And he, he retired. So what would, what advice would you give? Kind of the same, um, to really learn about yourself and where your own identity lies outside of being a Firewife. And, you know, I think it's easy to fall into the trap of, uh, identifying in a negative way with other Firewives and, uh, having the mindset of, for me, and how to figure out how to balance, yes, it's a struggle. Uh, but also that, and to be able to step back and have a perspective on your whole life and how, we all struggle in different ways as a mom and a wife. And, uh, for me, it's really a mindset thing, uh, you know, not focusing on the, the negatives and, uh, the poor me, but being able to focus on the positives and the benefits and, uh, the blessings really. And like, I say this all the time. Currently that our life right now is we are living the dream like this is what we've always wanted this life with the kids and being home and it's very hard. And so, it's easy to fall into like, it's easy to fall into just either like depression or despair and then to feel bad about feeling depressed and like why would why would I feel sad or feel this way, or feel bitter have these feelings and this is all I ever wanted. Um, but it comes down to I think perspective. And a mindset change. And, um, you know, we talk a lot about finding your community. And yes, you can find community in the fire wife community. I personally haven't found a huge community there. because maybe because we don't build our life on the fire department. But you know, our community has come in the form of one, our family, because they're all some sort of first responder police and fire and nurses and military. And so they can kind of relate and understand us. They can understand the crazy schedule. There's no guilt. You know, everyone can understand the anxiety and the overprotectiveness and all that. And we've, and I've, I've personally found a lot of community in our homeschool group and all the moms in our church. So wherever you can find community, it's just where it's, that's where it's naturally, you know, organically happened for us. And then I know we talk a lot also about like self care and. Self care for me. I don't know. It's it's probably different for everybody, but it's not like a Wine and snack night. I I probably get like Yeah I Love my girls night out and I have like two best friends right now And we only probably do it once every other month or so, but when we go out and hang out together It's like six hours. I like walk the whole day and he understands like You know, I don't, I don't feel the need right now to have it every week, kind of a alone time. Um, but it's like a once a month, once every other month, like an all day event. And I just, I don't know, it just really fills me up just being able to have fun or chat or maybe we're crying or it's just talking the whole time. Yeah. That's, that is kind of self care for me, just having some relationships that I get time with outside of this environment of home and regular life. And absolutely. I don't know what my advice, I guess my advice is. Yeah. As perspective and your mindset and realizing that you're, you are on the same team, you're not in competition, um, and really learning about each other, I think has really been helpful over the years, you know, learning why he is the way he is, why he does the things he does and vice versa, and being able to have compassion. For each other, grace for each other and grace for ourselves, you know, I can't do it all right now. I don't need to do it all. I have to be able to learn, how to, um, you know, right now it's like I, Don't prioritize the house. So please, nobody drop by unannounced. It's just the thing I've let go of right now. Yes. I just, I just shared with her, we had a call and I had to step out and I, you know, I have a pocket in my shirt. I probably shouldn't even say this because I turned the video on because I was like, I got, I got to show Stephanie this. Okay. hoarder house that we were in. I sent it to her. She goes, I felt so much better. I was like, yes, our house is fine. Our house is lived in. It's four kids lived in. This is disgusting. Even just hearing from him, not even seeing any video, but just hearing from him, like. The amount of homes that he goes into on a daily basis that it is so normal like it is not what you see on the internet and the beautiful pristine that is not normal or typical at all. No, I don't know what these people do. Actually, it's probably that section of counter is clean and it's chaos around where the camera is not exactly what it is. I think what you said was huge, though, just about the perspective. I would just second that perspective is huge. And I've had to have perspective in every aspect of my life. We've had to have it in our life, not only just keeping balance with everything, not only just the fire service, but the Fenton stuff with travel, with all these things. And just remembering, you know, yeah, we do all this stuff and we get to create these memories. Um, but like, those are occasional things. Every day is the real life. And like I said, having that perspective is like, this is what we always wanted. Why are we, what are we, we already got what we wanted. You know, what are, why are we striving for all this other stuff that. Comes at a cost. Absolutely. I tell people all the time. It's like, you have to flip the script, like just flip the script on what is, what it is you're saying. Okay. Well, we'll end with something funny and then we'll do rapid fire. So what is the funniest thing that has happened on shift? You know, like they call Murphy's law and all the things to where this is happening at home. He's gone. Guarantee there's something. Actually, I have a video in the chamber that I'm making about this. Oh, there we go. Um, like, the funniest thing that's happened, like, to us when I've been on shift is what you're saying? Yes. Like, in our, in our life? Oh, man. Are you thinking of something funny? Or you don't know? You're smiling. I'm just. Oh, you're thinking. I don't know. I'm doing an ADHD stare. I'm looking at you and, like, there should be stuff happening, but nothing's happening. No. I'm, like, I'm thinking, you got, I mean, you've had flat tires, which, that's not funny, but, like. It's just anything that ever happens, happens when you're on shift. Yes. Always. Always. Always. Maybe we're too soon to laugh at it kind of a thing. It's not funny yet. Well, I mean, there's a lot of funny stuff with babies. She called me hysterically one time when our oldest was a baby baby. She had just, she was, she was working full time as a nurse and, Bentley was my, her mom was watching him and she went over there, got him, came home and, she's not short, but she's also not tall and she was reaching, she was reaching across the, uh, the car to get the carrier. Yes. Oh yeah. This, that's why I'm like, this kind of stuff happens all the time. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. You're like, I have a hundred stories. I dunno why you can't think of one. Yeah. I, I literally, you know, on the footboard of the car and trying to pull the infant car seat out and then I backwards on the rock. Luckily his little like handle was up.'cause he just like little roll tumbled outta the car, onto the ground, like outta the U and it was like, he was just, whoa. Totally fine. He was hanging in there. Of course. I panicked. This is my first baby. I was like, Oh my gosh. And the nurse brain goes out the window. I went into like trauma activation mode. I brought him inside and I took all his clothes off for some reason. I don't know what I was like assessing him. And I was fine. You know, I was just like, okay, until I called Brent and then I broke down crying. I'm like, I just like threw our kid out of the car. Well, you, well, what was funny was I was, of course I was Mm hmm. I always bring my phone always. Always bring my phone when I go on a call. My phone was almost dead. So it was on the charger. And I was like, Ah, we'll be back in five minutes. You know, whatever. It was a nothing call. It was like a, some, it was a nothing call. Yeah. But anyway, I get back and I've got like 45 missed calls and text messages. Call me right now. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Somebody's dying. I was like, Is everybody okay? She's like, Yes. Literally nobody's injured, but I just got really scared. I was like, you're fine, he's fine, it's okay. Yeah, I would say the new, the new parent age of our relationship, there was a lot of that kind of stuff. Just like, Being a brand new mom, alone, trying to survive. Yeah. Often. Abby and the other kid rolled off the couch and broke her collarbone in a power outage. I was on shift on that. He was on shift, yeah. Yeah, they're always gone, so it makes it seem like we are not good parents. Not a good, yeah, yeah, all the injuries happen when he's gone. I've had to leave plenty of time and go to an ER, do whatever. Like, our other kid's tooth went through his lip, and he's, tooth went through the He was like a boom, boom kind of thing, tooth through the lip, you know, rips his head open on the ground. Head injuries, blood everywhere. So much blood. So much blood. I'm like, always voice mail. It's always that, yeah. Her mom hid an elk one time when I was on shift. She was also working that day too, remember that? I left her a voicemail, hey don't freak out, your mom's good. She did hit an elk. Were you? When I got in the car. Were you the one on, like this, on the scene? No, no, no, no. Her mom, her mom, for whatever reason, oh, it's because her dad was deployed. Her dad was deployed. Oh, she called you. So she called me. And, yeah, her dad was in Afghanistan I think at the time. So she called me and was like, Hey Brent. Um, she's like, I'm in happy jack, which is right. A couple hours north in the mountains and she's like, I hit an elk and I'm like, wait, what are you? Good. She's like, I'm totally fine. Whatever, you know, it's like, okay. And she's like, do you want to call Stephanie and this and that? Okay. And so, you know, I'm trying to think it was the best way to frame this. Hey babe, hope you're having a good day at work. Everything's fine. Just talk to your mom. She's good. We're totally, she's totally fine. She didn't help. Those little stories. Yeah, that's I mean, yeah, we haven't really. Oh, I did have to leave shift one time and bring home a gas meter. Yeah. Oh, I think I left the stove on or something. So that I just did another one. And that's what they said. It was like all day he came home off shift smelled like gas thought it was going to blow up. Okay, so you guys did the same thing. Yeah, I was a, yeah, I was a, I was, I'm a hazmat tech and I was at the hazmat station. I went to my cap, I was like, hey cap, uh, Can I borrow that meter? I don't want to turn this into a full fledged hazardous assignment, but can I just grab the five gas meter and run home real quick? And he's like, but if it's something, please. He's like, he goes, one, he said, if it's something he goes, he's like, please call 911. And two, please don't be there with a meter and then uniform. And I'm like, Oh, I'll leave. I will leave. I was like, yeah, so went there and, and, uh, just opened up the whole, I told her, I was like, take Bentley, leave, go to the park, do whatever it was at nighttime to go hang out somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Always night. And they're never here. Yes, we just get real clever and we get real ingenuitive. Yeah. Putting the air in our ear. Okay, well we'll wrap it up with rapid fire questions. So what is your favorite way to drink coffee? For each of you. Well, and we should talk about coffee because you have a coffee business. Totally forgot about that. She's gonna sell me out here. No, I was gonna talk about myself. I'm, I really like putting those like little mushroom powders in it with collagen lately. I have a mushroom powder. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I'll let him speak for himself. I don't, I don't. Do you not drink coffee? I'm, I'm, I'm just more of a black coffee guy. Oh yeah, okay. Creamer, a little bit of coffee. That's how he does it. I do like, I do like creamer. Um, I don't necessarily know what the mushrooms do, but I'll mix it in my coffee too. They're so good for you. I bring home all the things for him and tell him, just take this. That's the only way I'll take mushrooms in your body. I hate mushrooms. That's the only way I'll do mushrooms. They're so good. Like there's even research studies of like cancer and all the different, it's so good. And I don't want to make any claims, so I'm going to shut up a lot of goodness. Yeah. I like, yeah. Me personally, I do like, well, it's funny we're, we're coming at well. Eventually we'll come into a cooler season. It says it's fall, but right now it's 106 outside. It's gone up in the 45 minutes. You've been talking. Yeah. Yeah. And I was, yeah, it's 106 and it's October 4th. Um, but we like, I like to, I tip, I don't know. I like, I like coffee warm and cold, but like now I'll get a little creamer, a little whipped cream on top. Now do you wait just real quick? Yes. Just real quick. Here's a secret. Not everybody knows, but. He hated coffee and wouldn't drink it before he started working for this coffee company. Because of some childhood trauma of having to drink black coffee with his dad and treat his ADHD every day as a kid. Oh, yes. Yeah, no, I, uh, Yeah, no, for real, like, yeah. I mean, we're, there's a, there's a whole, the whole, the early Fenton years. That's what I always tell people. That's why he's so funny. I was like, it's character building here. That's probably, yeah. I had red hair. Freckles, glasses, ADHD. I have Tourette's syndrome. Also, not very, very few people know that, but I do have Tourette's syndrome. Well, now a few more will know. Yeah. So, um, so yeah, just all these things, but yeah, when I was a kid, they, tried Ritalin and like my teacher sent me home with a note and was like, whatever you did, stop it. He was a thousand times worse. And so they gave me some other medication. It was like a new trial stuff. And they did that and it actually worked, but small supply. So then they're like, well, until that medication comes in, you need to, for six months, you need to drink two cups of black coffee in the morning. That's so much. Yeah. Before adolescence, you know, caffeine is a downer. So I would just be sitting there with my dad, like, you know, drinking and hating every second of it. And so anytime I'd have that. I mean, if I drink black coffee, like I don't do it often. These are rapid fire questions. Every human on this podcast has had to say that, like, oh, these are rapid fire. And I'm like, I should just stop calling them that. All that to say, all that to say black coffee is still a little like, Oh, we'll flashback when I have it. So creamer, a healthy amount of creamer. Counteract the creamer. Okay, do you guys prefer the beach or mountains? Oh, we just talked about this. We'll say mountains because we have small children with a lot of sand. Yeah. Yeah. I love, I do love, I love the forest and camping and hunting and I do love the beach, but with kids, I love the beach. It's her and I, yes, the beach. If we could have like, you know, like Northern California or Oregon, like where the mountains meet the beach. Yes. Best of both worlds. But with children. Yes. Yes. Okay. Who's messier? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got a lot of started tasks and then forget. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I see remnants of where I've been all around the house. Little breadcrumbs. That's awesome. Early morning or late night? Late night. Late night. Well, at least you're the same. Yeah, I've been starting to enjoy earlier mornings more, but I still like nights better. And you do the cold plunge in the morning then? I do. I don't know. Yeah. I'm not scheduled at all. I'm not. I mean, you got to experience trying to schedule this and that's just a, that's a metaphor for my life. Everything. Yeah. Yeah. That was awesome. Okay. There's a lot of people in this role that I think that probably think I'm a jerk and blew them off and that's not the case at all. I just probably forgot strength and weaknesses. Yes. Exactly. You can't be perfect at everything. I would be boring. Okay. Last one, which may not be rapid fire having talked to both of you, what is the best advice you've ever been given in life does not have to be fire related Yeah. I always think to the baby ears. That's where I was always seeking advice. Don't ever wake a sleeping baby a hundred percent. Don't I like have carried that through my life. I don't wake up anybody ever. I think that's why we like to homeschool. Yes. like sleep. Our lives revolve around sleep. Who, when we can get it and if we can get enough of it. Mm-Hmm. man. I'm trying to think the best advice that I've ever gotten. My dad's given me some good advice. Trying to think. I think, well, I mean, honestly, I think. It's, it's, it's weird, but it comes from, it came from, my dad has said it in a roundabout way, not as probably not as polished. he's a Fenton. I'm a Fenton. So we don't, we're just, he's the OG funny Fenton. But, um, I think, I think the best thing that, uh, the best advice that I got in general for like life is the best gift that you can give your kids is a healthy relationship with their mom. That's what I feel like. Like when I was, when we were going, well, before we got married, we did, um, premarital counseling and we had, um, this amazing couple, we're still friends with them, but, uh, they were like our mentors and he, Kurt, married us and everything like that. And I just remember, she remembers it too. Like we were having this. You know, we're talking about, we're just doing marriage counseling time and all these different things. And I'm like, gosh, this feels like a freaking Brent counseling session. And he's like, that's because it is. And I was like, what? And he said, and he said, there was, there was two things that he's like, the best gift that you can give your kids is a healthy relationship with their mother. Um, and, and he also said, if there's a problem in your marriage, it's your problem. And I was like, just true. And that's, and I think that's hard for a lot of guys to hear, you know, like if, I mean. Even if it's a hundred percent, something going on with her, it's my problem. And the whole, and the worst advice I think I've heard in regards to marriage is that marriage is 50, 50. Cause it's not a hundred, a hundred. There's a, there's a clip floating around the internet and it's some marriage guru lady, whatever. And she's like, I come in, we come in the house and I tell my husband I'm at a 20%. So I need you to be an 80 or he's like, babe, I'm at a 10%. You need to be a 90. And it's like, sorry, that's not how life works. That's crap. I'm sorry. In my opinion, it is a hundred percent, a hundred percent. Because I'm also thinking like, and in terms of leadership as a father, as a husband, and as a profession, you're always leading, you're never standing still, and you're either going, you're either going where you want to go or you're going where you don't want to go. There's no, you don't get to, you don't get the luxury of pausing. In leadership, as a spiritual leader, as a house, as a husband, as a father, as a professional, if you're pausing, you're going the way you don't want to go, you know, if you're, but you're always leading somewhere, whether it's good or bad, you're going somewhere. My kids are always watching me when I'm not always happy dad, you know, and I get angry or a snap or, you know, something stupid makes me upset. And, you know, I drop an F bomb or something like that. And they're right there. Their little eyes and ears are open and they're watching me. And that is leading them in a direction I don't want them to go. And I just have to constantly remember, like, I'm either going where I don't want to go. Or going, where do you want to go? That is excellent advice. So thank you both for taking the time, for scheduling it, for answering the message. Um, I think that this is going to help a lot of people and that this is going to get just the stuff we don't talk about very often out there. And that's a wrap on our first two part interview with Firefighter Fenton and his wife, Stephanie. If you enjoyed this, please share away, share it with the people that you know in the fire service or any other first responder world that could really benefit from these lessons. And as always, like, follow so you don't miss an episode, leave a review. All of those things are so, so helpful and just help us spread the word. Thanks again. Thank you for listening to just a girl and her firefighter. It would mean the world to us to have you subscribe, like, share with all the people you love and join us in our FireWife community. Thanks again and see you next time.