Community and Courage with Kaci Walden

Navigating First Responder Life: Firefighting, Family, and Community

In this episode of 'Just a Girl and Her Firefighter,' host Kristy Hilmer interviews Kaci Walden, a mother and wife living in the Texas Panhandle. Kaci shares her experiences of being married to a firefighter while raising two boys and working full-time. The episode delves into the impact of a devastating wildfire on their community, the emotional challenges of firefighter life, and the importance of communication and mental health. Kaci also talks about the support system within the fire service and the small-town community's unity during tough times. Tune in for heartfelt stories, practical advice, and a discussion on balancing family life with the demands of a first responder career.

00:00 Welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter

00:59 Meet Casey Walden: Life in Texas

02:36 The Devastating Wildfire Experience

04:41 Impact on Family and Community

17:49 Balancing Firefighter Life and Family

34:49 Fire Trivia and Fun Questions

39:38 Closing Remarks and Community Invitation

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Transcript

0:23

Hello and welcome to Just a Girl and Her Firefighter. I'm Christy Homer, your host. Grab your favorite drink, whether it's coffee, fizz, or maybe something else, and let's dive into the wild, wonderful world of First Responder Life. We are here to swap stories, share laughs, and tackle those, did that just happen? Just really happen moments, whether you're a seasoned pro or just figuring this all out, this is the place for you. So kick back, get comfy and let's have some fun.

Audio Only - All Participants: 0:59

here we are today with a new friend that I have not gotten to meet before, but we were connected through a mutual friend and we both get to live in the amazing state of Texas, which is awesome. We got connected through the internet. Which seems to be a very common way these days, uh, but I'm really excited to just hear her story and hear really what life has been like married to a firefighter, raising her family and working a full time job at the same time. So with that, let's kick it off. So Casey, why don't you introduce yourself to us and kind of what your family looks like? Okay, well, my name is Casey Walden. I live in the Texas panhandle in a little oil town called Border, Texas. I'm married to my husband. We're going on nine years in April. Uh, we have two boys. Uh, Bryson is 16 and then Ty is eight years old. So, and I am a full time mom, wife, and I have a full time job and any extracurricular activity that myself signs myself up for, or someone else signs me up for. So. Right. Like the children, I get signed up for all sorts of things. They're like, Oh, by the way, Oh, by the way, that and community events and all sorts of things. So, yes, absolutely. Well, and in the panhandle. They recently just had a very devastating wildfire just last year, right? Yes, it was. I believe that they ruled it the largest wildfire in history. Um, that was, it was interesting. It was a moment of unknown uncertainty, like our day to day lives completely changed, not just. The people who were affected and lost their homes, but just the people that are either families of first responders, families of a family that lost their home, pastors, uh, counselors. It just, it was just. It was indescribable. I guess you could say it's kind of emotional, uh, thinking back on it, but just to think of the impact that it had on everybody in this area, just seeing, you know, farmers losing what they rely on for an income to provide for their family. Things like that. It was, it was crazy. Absolutely. Yes. I can 100 percent relate because we went through a devastating wildfire as well and a different agricultural climate and in a different state, but yes, it, it impacts more than you expected to impact and it stays with you forever. Yes. It most definitely does. I, I still feel like we're still feeling periodically ripple effects from, um, I mean, it happened back in March. And so here we are December. So we'll be coming up on a year and there's still people that are displaced from it. You know, it's kind of hard to think like, well, everyone ever make a full comeback from it. So, yeah. Yeah. And was your husband working during that fire? my husband did get called out to it, um, because it seemed like it was at everybody's back door and surrounded this entire town. he was called into our city department to go in and help, um, because it came in on a highway. I guess you say more to farm to market road that was everyone's back doors in that it's out there and it like he had no words for it when he, when I finally got to talk to him about it. He was just like, we stood there kind of helpless. Like, what do we do? This is, This is not something that we were ever fully prepared for, ever would expect to happen or something like that. And he just, I mean, you could hear the devastation just in his text messages. Mm hmm. That's okay. I 100 percent understand. We are six years out and it will still, you know, every once in a while when you talk about it and, and that's, Really, the point of these stories, right, is because there are so many people that go through so many similar situations. And if we don't talk about it, then they stay buried. Right, and I can't say that I've fully talked about it. Mm hmm. Since it all happened, it was a situation where it was just like, I just had to keep the household running, take my kids to and from school, their regular activities, but driving around town, even just driving to our football stadium to drop off my son for his morning workout. There were so many fire departments just posted up there. There were portable showers set up, um, like the tide trucks that you would never think would come to Borger, Texas, just for people to do laundry and everything. It was just. There was somebody everywhere you turned, and we're not using that here, um, you know, we're small town living, like, I can, you can expect that probably, you know, in the DFW area, there's something everywhere you turn. But this was just something completely different. I'm just trying to explain to my youngest at the time. You know, what all was going on? Um, he was asking just so many questions and mainly just emotional about when was his daddy coming home? It's one of the hardest questions. Um, when we went through that fire, it was the first time the kids were like, is. Is dad gonna not make it? It was like the first, and it's when, it's when they see mortality. And I think that's one of the things that make first responder kids different is they are exposed to some things, no matter how hard we try to not talk about it or see it. They just are exposed to that and they can see. And what I think the beautiful thing of that is that they then get to realize how precious life is. And it's like, then let's actually live the life we have instead of just exist. And so, um, yeah, it can be a beautiful thing that they learn. But as the mom who is home, while dad is out doing very dangerous things, Yeah. It makes for challenging questions at home. Oh, it does. It does. Um, I mean, he drew pictures was seen and just seeing that was just, you know, you never know what your child's truly thinking. And so seeing like being in his head, being from his aspect of it, but yes, um, sometimes we have to carry a huge weight on our shoulders as. You know, the moms and the wives in the situation that you almost don't want to share because you feel like you feel selfish trying to share that. Because you see someone else on down the line without their home, their, you know, their family pets and everything. So you feel like that kind of trumps the emotional state that you're in. Yeah. So, but yeah, that was, that was a very trying time, I guess you could say. Just trying to put that brave face on, be the strength, you know, for the family in the moment of absence of my husband and everything, but we were very, very lucky, um, having so many responding cities, really. Yeah. They came from everywhere. Like there were places I've never even heard of. And there were places that, Just reading the sides of their trucks was just like, they really know that we exist and are here in a heartbeat just to come help us. And yeah, it's a beautiful, yeah, it's a beautiful thing of what the fire service is, you know, to have that. It's like, it literally is a family. In, in the light of the darkness, there was, yeah, Was just kind of like, wow. And just awesome and amazing to see, um, just everyone come together. Just seeing every food truck come from miles around and just. handing out meals, not even charging anybody, just handing out meals to everyone. the church is just opening their doors for people to have a place to go. I mean, it was really an amazing thing to see the community come together. And I think that is something that We kind of need really badly in this day and age because it is a scary place, but we need those reminders that still really good people in this world and that will come together and help anybody and everybody, no matter what. Absolutely. Yes. We talk about that with the kids often. It's like, you guys got to see firsthand, like the good of humanity and not everyone gets to see it to that extent to where you get to see so many different types of people come together and like drop anything and everything and help and not with an agenda. Exactly. There were those, but majority did not have the agenda. Well, I mean, that was the beauty and that whole thing is just seeing everyone come together and just everyone extending their homes for people. We had, we had some good friends, um, come over. My husband actually got called in and her husband is a firefighter. But he's a fireman in Amarillo, which is, you know, 45 minutes from here. But she's, she, um, spent hours packing up pictures and everything that was sentimental to her mother and her mother's house and got her out safely with all of her belongings. And then only to get home to be given, you know, seconds to evacuate her home, just walked out without anything, just had her kids and her dogs and told her to come over and cooked on dinner and everything. But I truly didn't know what to say to someone in that situation, but I mean, I was just thankful. And tried to remind her that at least you have, you know, you and your children and your animals, like y'all are safe, everything else can be replaced. And I know that's easier said than done. We do think about that. We think about our home. We think about the memories we put into it. We think about all of the pictures that we have and just everything that was ever passed down. Just in our home from someone special. And just having to think that it's all taken away in seconds really hurts us in the moment of that time. But at the end of the day, you realize the most important thing you have is, you know, your family. We're lucky enough to be able to go back to their house and have a home and have all of that. So, so her house made it, her house made it. Yes. Oh, good. And there for a while, you had to show your driver's license, even to get into that neighborhood, just to keep from people sifting through other people's stuff, you know, is. That was pretty sad that we did have those people that would go through others ashes of their home just to kind of take whatever they want, which was pretty wrong, but, you know, it was about six weeks before we could go back to ours and go sift through everything. So, yeah, it's a process, right? It is a process. And I mean, I'm thankful. We lived really close into town, so it didn't come that close to town. Um, it was a lot of the kind of out of city limits neighborhoods that it really kind of took over, but it made a complete halt in Borger because. We have a wild land, uh, a wild land firefighter team that houses at our station. Okay. And they focus on doing a lot of controlled burns all around our city and they make sure that they, you know, get rid of all that brush and everything. Yeah. They will go through and do controlled burns and everything. And you can see there are photos of it. And they'll show the burn areas and, you know, all the burn rashes where that fire hit and then stopped and then just took a sudden stop and that is all thanks to them. Yeah. They're the ones that protected our town and were able to be proactive just for years prior to this, they've just continuously done this. We have no idea that what they did had such a big impact until this huge historical fire. So those are something, some things to think about, I guess, with other departments is. Yes. Controlled burns, legit. California should listen. We're active in this. Like no one, no one wants to plan for a huge wildfire, but I mean, you have to be proactive in it. You have to think about it. What's going to help protect everyone in everyone in our community to help. And if it weren't for those guys, who knows our town probably would have been just wiped off the map with that fire. That was, that was really cool to see. And probably something that They really need to pat themselves on the back for that. They don't just show up to work to do this for nothing. Like that really should have been a rewarding moment for them to see that. Yeah, absolutely. And then hopefully we don't ever see another one again, but now we have our proof and then we can move on and they can put it in the history books, absolutely. Um, well, thank you for sharing. We didn't know we were going to start out with a bang. No. Definitely not. Uh, but thank you for sharing that. So over the last nine years then, as you guys have been married and then I'm sure, you know, met each other before that. What has firefighter life been like? He was probably already a firefighter, I'm assuming. Okay. Yes, I came into it and he was already a firefighter. So, I didn't, I didn't get to go through like him making the decision that he wanted to do this for a living or through the academy with him or anything like that. But I just, I met him as a firefighter. Yeah. And how was that transition? Cause I've heard from many people, sometimes they're like, it's better to go through the academy and some, they're like, it's better they're existing. It all just depends on your perspective, I think. But how was that transition? Um. It was a learning curve to learn the schedule. What kind of schedule is he on? Okay. So we, we've recently changed schedules to be on the Kelly schedule and terrible. Everyone says that and I really like the Kelly schedule. Oh, see, I had young kids, so I think that's a factor. Yes, maybe so. Um, I really enjoyed the Kelly schedule, but they switched over, so he is, um, two, two full days on, four full days off now. Okay, 48. 96. Yes. I think most stations are kind of transitioning to that schedule it seems like. Are they? It's my favorite. I don't know. It took me so many years to get used to the Kelly schedule. Now they turn on this schedule and I'm like, I don't know about this. But, um, he does not stick to that schedule. He will be there four days straight. And then have a couple days off and go back by his choice or the department's choice. Um, or a mixture, I guess, maybe a little bit of both. But my husband, if, if someone needs coverage, my husband's the first guy to be there. So that's just his personality. That's him. He's I mean, he's a really good guy. I mean, not just because he's my husband, but yeah, I believe that any one of those firefighters will say that, that, I mean, tell will be the first person there for him. Tell will be, you know, the first person that says, all right, you know, you go home. Do what you need to do, be home, I'll, I'll be sure to cover for you or whatnot. So, and being shorthanded too right now. Yeah, it is a tricky one. Like their schedule. And we talk about this often on most of these episodes, but their schedule is great when it is how it's supposed to be. Yeah. It's that it's not usually ever how it's supposed to be. Cause if it's what it's supposed to be, it's easier for me to plan out. But yes, when it's not, it's like, it puts a kink in everything and I've got to rearrange and figure it out. Yes. But I've kind of learned like in the four days he has off, I plan the most crucial things on the third day, because it's the least likely day to have any kind of overtime. I will tell you when it works out to, it's like, To how it's supposed to, it works amazing when we need vacations. Like he doesn't have to take a whole lot of time off. It's me that has to work my work schedule. Yes. Yeah. The nine to five kind of schedule. Yeah. Uh, well that is a great question too, to go into then with working full time and then you're raising kids and going into this fire schedule, what are some things that maybe you've done, especially with your little eight year old. Who's kind of grown up in this to maybe help that transition or when they were little and they didn't understand when dad was gone Like what did you find any cool techniques or things that you did to help? Maintain that bond is the right word, but maintain kind of that presence I know as when he was littler We would go up to the station a lot more than we do now. I guess. Yeah. Now he's got more activities, so it's harder. But, uh, when he was smaller, it was easier to just go up to the station, just to kind of show him, like, this is where dad is. You know. Mm hmm. But, um, Ty is a little too smart for his own good. I think we all have one of those. So he is very aware and very alert. And knows anything and everything that's going on and very perceptive. Yes. Very. So he's always known his dad is a fireman, which two little boys, even if their dad is not a fireman, that is. Just a superhero to them. Um, I think something is just kind of bring it down to his level. Like daddy has to be, you know, at work to be able to help other families. So that's just kind of been something to bring it down to their level. Let them understand that there are other families that need help from him. So that's probably going to have to share our time, you know, with work that way he's available. And. Uh, him just seeing, cause we're a small town. If they get a call, you hear those sirens, no matter what. I mean, he's very alert and he's like, the boy's got a call. I wonder what it is. So, and if we're able to watch them, we'll watch them, you know, drive by. That's kind of cool. Without, you know, without being the ones that are in the way. You know? A hundred percent. Yeah.'cause we get told about that at home, about all the people that are in the way, It's not just for you to go for an attraction, it's not entertainment. Yes. Out of the way, but Well, and living in Texas, this is the thing I have noticed. People don't move outta the way in the streets. Like they, I, it is different. I was like, even like California is different in all of its ways, but you move over, like if there is a siren or a truck, an ambulance, anything like you are moving over. And in Texas, I have noticed for as much respect as they have for fire and police, like it's a super high level of respect on the road. They do not move over. No. By all of our signs on interstates and. So I have to say, move over. You tell everyone to move over, but yeah, we normally have to roll down the window so Ty can wave at them. So that's so cool. We, I took my son, for his birthday. He wanted to just go to the zoo with a few friends. So we hopped in the car. It's about an hour from where we actually live. And that's closer to where my husband's station is. And we were going to go do a fire station visit because it was only five or ten minutes from the actual zoo. So we were going to go after that, but it took too long. Parking and traffic and all the things. And there was an accident. And so we got stuck. And Pete, I mean, then in Texas accident, like they were going over the, the ramp to like get out. Like it was a whole thing. But then we saw the engine and my son's like, that's my dad. Like that's my dad right there on the side of the road. So it was kind of cool to show his little buddies that like, we literally drove by my dad at work for us is very rare, but in a small town, yeah, that would be pretty cool. It was when they were little, every ambulance was dad or every fire truck was dad and you're like, well, not really, but you know. And now Ty has every truck, he knows every truck, the name's better than me, and he can point them out and he knows when, you know, with him being in sports and everything, you know, it falls on. Tells it on shift, but he makes every effort that he can to be there. And so Ty will see if either the tower pulls up for his baseball game or he knows all the boys are coming to watch him and he won't put on a show. Just present. That's so cool. That is the beauty of a small town. Like, I'm sure there's pros and cons, but when your whole response area is your town, you can go stop if there's no call to go watch a game or a concert or something like that. And that's pretty cool. Exactly. So that's kind of been something I guess to help tie to is. We're small enough to where tell can attend his games and stuff. It's also more of an excitement for Ty that not just his dad gets to come. I mean, every guy that works up there is one of the boys to tie. So yeah, yeah. The boys are coming. They're watching. That's incredible. That's very cool. Well, what has been maybe something you didn't expect or a struggle that you've had to work through? Because there are definitely usually a lot of those in this. There are, um, I believe the first struggle that I really had was when, because when I met Tell, I was a single mother. Okay. And so that transition into meeting him wasn't a huge shock with me. Like he was gone half the time and then he was around the other half of the time because of his job, you know, just his schedule. But. After having a second child into the mix, instead of me being used to just having one child and can manage it, and having a newborn, intending to a newborn, but also, you know, getting my older son to his activities and all of that, uh, there was a time that Tell was gone for, I want to say at least seven days straight to the station.

Kaci: 28:23

Wow. And having a new baby and all of the, you know, hormone and sleep hormones. Yes. I mean, I remember sliding down on the floor in our kitchen on the phone with him, and I was like, I need help. Like, I can't do it. Like I'm about to have a meltdown. And I think Ty was sick. I mean, he was itty bitty baby. And I was just like, I need you here. Like, I need you. Yeah. And so it was, it was definitely a learning, something to learn from, but it was tough at the time. And I look back at it now and I'm like, why couldn't I handle it? Cause it's, you become a crazy person when you have a newborn between the hormones and the lack of sleep. Like it is. Cause I had this same exact thing. My oldest was six weeks old. We only had her. He was doing like an internship and working full time.

Audio Only - All Participants: 29:25

And I called him, like, I put her in her crib and I can't, like, I'm tapped out. Like, I can't do this anymore. And it's a humbling experience, but I think what you're talking about too, is in the lesson of let's not let it get to that point, like, instead of getting to a 10, let's have the conversations and the communication when I'm a level three. As in like, what can we do to help prevent some of this? Cause sometimes we can't prevent the mandations. I mean, not sometimes anytime you can't prevent them, but sometimes over time or having a neighborhood babysitter or just some things that can. Help us so we don't get tapped out so fast, but communication is the number one thing we had to learn. Yes. That is definitely the number one key. I mean, to having, I mean, any marriage, any relationship. And, um, definitely if you are having to, you know, be both mom and dad while at the station and just chasing after two kids, taking one here, taking one there. Yes. Definitely communication is, it's, it's been a struggle. It has been, we've learned from that, so let's make sure that we don't do that again. Like, you have to tell me and I have to tell you. Um, that has been something that really hit us this year, you know, after that big fire. Um, not only that, just having new and young firemen that he, you know, he has to look after and everything and help them guide them into deal with certain situations that they see in everything. And so he ends up carrying that, you know, home with him and he would just simmer on it and just when we talk about it and. He finally opened up and it's like I just need to vent and everything and just me being there to be able to listen to him and help support him and be the person for him to vent to so that He can clear his head again to be able to be the husband and the father. We need him to be here at home, but also, being a captain just in the fire department and just being able to be, you know, They're fully for his guys. Absolutely. One of the episodes. And by the time this comes out, it'll have been published, but I talked with a firefighter Fenton and his wife. And he talks a lot about that, of like the leadership and like, you have to turn that off. And my husband and I have had to talk about that too, of like, you turn that part off because at home your dad, which is another leadership role. But it's a different kind, like it's not a dictatorship role. Exactly. And like, becoming kind of these almost two variations of the same human, but also the mental health perspective of it, of that debriefing and that communication with us, with maybe a peer support and whatever it is that's set up. And that is something that seems to be getting better in the fire service, but has a massive, massive way to go. Yes. Absolutely. So yeah, communication is one thing. And yes, just to keep him in the right headspace, uh, being in the profession he's in, uh, it's just. Very important because if he's not in the right headspace, it can easily carry on to us at home. It can easily carry on to him as a leader and trickle on down his staff. So I do think that he does a very good job at keeping that, you know, at bay for his guys. He just had to learn to. Let it out here at home. Like just what is, what is upsetting you? What is affecting you that you need to get off your shoulders so that we can pick up and have a nice family dinner, go out and enjoy, an evening. With the kids and, take a cruise around the neighborhood or something like that. And so that's been something we've learned, in the past year and just given him the time to kind of. Let work be at work and then transition back to home. And I think it works with us, with him getting off in the morning, the kids going off to school, I mean, going off to work, it does give him that time. That will out of that. It's a crucial component to kind of having that successful reintegration because that's one of the biggest things is it's that reintegration of home and work and home and work and you know, they have to do it so frequently. This was awesome, who, like, we didn't know what we were going to talk about. And here we go. We talked a lot about good things. Right. So, this was great. Well, I am doing something a little different with season two, we're doing a little bit of fire trivia Some other fun questions too. Um, so we'll start with some of the funner ones and then we'll go into the trivia and we'll see. You might be a better listener than we are. Your son probably actually would know all these questions it sounds like. Okay, so this one's kind of fun. If you had a siren, what personal life event would you use? It to get somewhere or to do like if we got to have the fire truck and we didn't live in Texas and people moved for us to go through, what would you use that for that power? To get my kid to school. Yeah. So we could sleep in or like not have to have that morning fight. It's a, it's a tour with the youngest one. You never know what mood he's going to wake up in. So it's like, yeah, some days we can wake up two hours before we need to be somewhere and we're still not going to make it. That's a good one. Okay, this one I thought was really funny. And it's been interesting to see people's, uh, responses. Would you rather wear turnout gear on a date or a firehouse t shirt to a wedding? I would do the turnout gear first. On a date. That's what I said, too. And the last, last lady, and who knows what order I'm going to put these in, so who knows how this is going to actually turn out, but she said firehouse t shirt to a wedding, and I was surprised. So now for our fire questions. We'll do rapid fire questions here. What are irons? I know, I'm like these, and he told me these are easy. I'm like, I, I don't think so either. The only iron I know is the one I use to iron his pants. Right. Exactly. It is what they call the flathead ax and the Halligan. So I'm guessing they actually, they say. Go get the irons, and then it's those two tools, maybe? I don't know. Right. Okay, what is I D L H stand for? I D L H. I didn't know. I didn't know that one either. I'm sitting here, seeing it somewhere, but I would not know what it, what it stands for. I don't even know if I'd seen it. Like, he messaged me, because he texted me, like, the questions for all these interviews, and I'd never even seen it before. But it's immediate danger to life or health. I I'm like, when you hear it, you're like, oh, yeah, duh. And then this is my favorite one because I feel like he had made it up. what is a taxpayer? Is this a trick question? Is this a piece of the tax payers, anyone in the community? I know it is a structure where the business is on the bottom and then the like apartment or living quarters is on the top. I'm like, I mean, I guess maybe cause business, they live there. Taxpayer. I was about to say, I should know this because our town is it made like that? Awesome. That yes, we are boom town in LA. Every business had an apartment up top because the business was on the bottom for during the day. And the apartments were up top or the more rated R version was like the brothel. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So now you can, you can impress him at dinner and be like, Oh, you know that taxpayer fire you just went on or whatever, I know what they are. Okay, my last question that I ask every single person is, how do you drink your coffee? With creamer. Now, do you drink like creamer with your coffee or coffee with your creamer? Probably more, more so creamer with my coffee. That's funny. I drink my coffee black. And so really I asked these questions to find where are my fellow coffee drinkers who drink their coffee black and we are few and far between. Thank you so much, Casey, for taking this time and for just really sharing and being so open and vulnerable about. All the things that have happened in a small town and being married to a fire fighter and what all that entails as we are moms and business owners, workers, employees, all the different things. So this was a blast and I'm so grateful that we had a friend introduce us and we got to talk today. Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.

39:39

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